06/11/2010 12:00 am
Adventure
Your Child – Your Traveling Companion?
Writer Caren Osten Gerszberg discovers the importance of one-on-one quality time with your child.
I’ll never forget the first trip I took alone with my mother. I was seven years old and felt as if I’d landed in heaven – no big brother or dad nearby with whom to share her. For one whole week, my mother guided me through Paris, her native city, and on a side jaunt to the grand chateaus of France’s Loire Valley.
There was this one cloudy day still vivid in my mind, when the two of us made a picnic lunch along the bank of the Loire River. My mother laid out a cream-colored cotton blanket, and on it arranged a spread of crusty baguette, ripe fresh peaches, some smelly cheese I wouldn’t touch and bar of dark chocolate. She drank wine; I drank jus d’orange.
My mom and I at our picnic on the Loire
In the middle of our picnic, a small group of men – wearing thick, black, thigh-high rubber boots – approached. They were local fishermen, and they came to invite me to see the fish swimming in the river. While my mother looked on with an excited smile, one of the men scooped me up into his arms, carrying me like a baby on its back, and slowly waded into the river to give me a glimpse of the fish they were there to catch. Would I let some strange man pick up my child and walk into a river? I’m not really sure. But now at age 45, I can attest that my mother’s free spirit and sense of adventure were seeping in.
That day in the Loire was the first of many memories, born out of trips – from Arizona and Israel to Las Vegas and London – I shared alone with my mother. With each and every journey, my collection of mother-daughter experiences and adventures expanded, and our relationship deepened in new and unchartered ways.
With my husband’s encouragement, I set out early on to recreate a similar ritual with each of my own three children: Nicole, 16; Emily, 14; Simon, 9. The time away – one-on-one – has fostered eye-opening opportunities that are nonexistent with the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Between after-school activities, harried weekends and frenetic dinners, I crave the time when we can wander foreign streets, hike unknown trails or simply brush our teeth in unison without the honking horn of a school carpool. And with each trip, no matter the distance or number of days away, I discover new and evolving characteristics in my children.
When Nicole was 11 we traveled together to France to visit my brother, who was living there at the time. Wanting a chance to have some time as a mother-daughter twosome, we first spent several days in Avignon, staying in a beautifully restored hotel that had once been a monastery. We visited the Pope’s Palace and the Pont d’Avignon, the city’s famous bridge – and the subject of a French song I’d often sung to her as a baby – making frequent detours to pastry shops, and navigating the winding pedestrian zone lined with shops. She was a travel partner extraordinaire.
Nicole and I at the market in avignon
One evening back at the hotel, while I was plotting our next day’s agenda and Nicole was flipping channels on the hotel room’s TV, she paused at what seemed like a German MTV station. We looked at one another, and moments later were dancing crazily on the bed to the blaring sounds of German rock ‘n’ roll. We flailed our arms and jumped on the bed until we fell down laughing. A serious and sensitive young woman at home, my own daughter was revealing a silly side I’d rarely seen. Ever since that night, when that silly side uncovers itself, I think back to our private dance party and smile at the thought of our giggling together like a pair of old pals.
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This is very cool.
My youngest is 17 now and once in a while we will take "our" trip, but he isn’t as inclined as he was when he was little. It is usually Yosemite where he wants to go, so I oblige and it is always wonderful because he opens up and begins to talk about how he sees his life and where he wants to go. He was always a shy kid and doesn’t open up much about his dreams, but on those trips he is generous with his revelations about life and himself. I treasure those times.
I am taking my youngest (15 year old boy) to New York for two days and three nights in July. We are both looking forward to it immensely. 3 shows, (only one of which he cares about) and the Museum of Natural history.
Due to tough family circumstances we have rarely had alone time. But 3 years ago while his sister was on a week long trip to Ecuador he discovered that mom was more than a mom, she could be fun to hang out with. Discovering Jersey cuisine (diner food) and going to weird places only a jersey girl knows he found that mom was not just tough, when she is allowed to relax, she is also pretty cool.