11/13/2009 4:00 am
Coming Out of the Woodwork in 8 Simple Steps, by Bonnie Price
Bonnie Price
Editor’s Note: Bonnie Price is the founder of Silver Vixens, a website filled with topics, information and thought-provoking articles for women over 55. Silver Vixens reflects the joy of finally being able to say, "It’s our time!" Price is also a motivational speaker and writer on entrepreneurship and lifestyle for women over 55. Don’t just sit there … Think up!
Have you noticed that when you walk into a restaurant no heads turn?
When you are shopping in a department store, do the sales clerks ignore you?
Does it seem that everyone refers to you as "ma’am"?
Do you care? I bet you do!
These are three sure signs that you are not presenting yourself as the fabulous woman you must be if you are reading this article! As Women of a Certain Age, we must be incredibly vigilant about how we move through the world. The media would have everyone believe that we are over the hill, looking for retirement or assisted living communities and have crumbling bones. It is time we change this picture, and it starts with you and me! If people are visual, our first steps must be visual — we’ll get to substance later. These solutions may seem like no-brainers, but look around you — notice how many women ignore them.
1. Be as well-dressed as your budget allows. This means wearing clothes that fit flatteringly. Just because you aren’t shaped like Jane Fonda or Candice Bergen doesn’t mean you are relegated to wearing shapeless garments. Did you see the picture of Queen Latifah in that gorgeous black sheath? Hot! Give yourself some style. Accessorize, accessorize, accessorize — tastefully, of course. Take some time to learn which are your best and worst colors; stick to the former and toss the latter. There is no reason to look less than stunning — unless you simply don’t care.
2. Get a good haircut and a makeup consultation. The haircut may take some experimentation, but it’ll be well worth the time and effort. That goes for color, too. While you’re working on that, stop by the cosmetics counters. Those ladies (and the occasional man) are trained to help you look your best. Once again, find your best colors, and revisit your makeup regimen every six months or so. We have all seen women wearing makeup in ways that should have been retired years ago. Don’t get lazy about how you look from the neck up!
3. Smile! So few people smile anymore, so if you do, you will immediately engage everyone you meet by looking pleasant. All interactions will go much more pleasantly, and you will be acknowledged and appreciated … and perhaps even remembered!
4. Stand up straight! Your mother was right. No more shuffling around for us; we are seasoned and proud of it! Many of us — me too, on my crabby days — have gotten into the habit of slouching, both on our feet and in our seats. Great posture is a guaranteed head-turner — so few people have it. Remember Mama!
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Dear Ms. Bonnie,
I concur with, "Green Tears," You have excellent thoughts. It’s getting into the habit of practicing or initiating them. Accesories can be quite costly. I just remember was Mae West once said, "It’s better to be looked over than over-looked."
Missy Susan
I bought a black convertible to… and laugh at myself about it all the time! i totally GET the midlife crisis convertible thing. it makes me feel vibrant and sexy and fun. I live in a cool climate and the top is down on that car 90% of the time. i wear and hat coat and gloves but that top is down and the music is LOUD.
I have been thinking about the way i dress lately. I suppose you’d call it a combination of boho and biker. It likely isn’t the sexiest. It’s my version of efficient and comfortable. Watched the movie "the ugly truth" a couple of nights ago. Not a great movie but had some good one liners. In it the male lead is telling the female lead that she needs to change the way she dresses. that she dresses for "comfort and efficiency and there’s nothing wrong with it just that no one wants to f—- comfort and efficiancy". lol! i thought "uh oh that’s me".
WELL! That last is a bit of an ugly truth. Lordy. I think that sentiment speaks for itself AND the speaker.
I have started to dress the way I always wanted to, beautiful clothes and it makes a difference, totally, in my attitude, everything - and you can get this lovely well-made stuff cheap, too. Buy when they mark down to 75% off like I do. You’d be surprised, I don’t have that kind of money when the clothes first come out so I wait. And, I like that Audrey Jackie O look myself. : )
All excellent points!
It’s all about how you want the world around you to view you. If you have an attitude of "I don’t care" that says more about you and your mindset than those who see you.
And great point about posture, I think it is so important to pay attention to how we move through life. It’s not about getting from point A to point B, its about how you move between those points. :-)
I like to look nice but I have never been comfortable "turning heads." It has happened from time to time when I was dressed for one formal occasion or another, but it makes me feel like a gazelle at the watering hole being ogled by the lions… men can be predatory. Normally I stick to jeans but top them off with a sharp jacket, blouse, or flattering sweater; no cheap sweats or t-shirts. And when in skirts, ALWAYS mid-calf. I look better in short skirts but have no interest in sending that "message."
Chrome, don’t give up your biker boho! And I’m not giving up my jeans. My husband was attracted to me for my personality and my mind, not because of stiletto heels. I think that’s why our marriage has lasted.
Ladies - Ladies - Bonnie Price’s eight points should be taken as “given gospel” and absolute “musts”. Truly marvelous and logical advice and essentially easy to follow.
Here on WOW, I have been privileged to read many articles offering very good advice on many subjects but Bonnie Price’s article stands out by offering a simple and genuine collection of “eight” sage and constructive suggestions that all women should follow with similar devotion intended for the other well known “ten” commandments.
I might suggest less emphasis on point eight, but if you follow the others, point eight will probably be taken care of for you by some ardent admirer.
When I was in my early teens, my mom ( without saying a word) would often place her hand gently on the small of my back to remind me to stand tall with shoulders back. As a result, one of my high school teachers nicknamed me "The Glide" because of my posture and gait.
I have never bought cheap shoes. Today, I often see women limping along, shoulders hunched forward, and in cheap shoes. Shoes affect your posture, your gait, and also your spine. I agree with Belinda. You can be dressed to the nines, but how you move and carry yourself is also important.
Ladies, what fabulous comments! I LOVE that we are sooooo up on all of this. About the cost of accessories…last spring Sweet Jack and I went to an Oscar party and I went to this little shop and bought fabulous pair of rhinestone chandelier earrings for 8 bucks! While we DO like diamonds, rhinestones do sparkle.
Whatever gives us that panache we so richly deserve!
"…a gazelle at the watering hole being ogled by the lions…"
Oh Lila, I needed a laugh to end my day and that did it! :-)
So odd to read that you are uncomfortable turning heads. Because of your military background and the way you have spoken of your security in your marriage, I have a stereotype in my mind of you being a confident, secure and in control woman. One that walks with authority and purpose through life and is beautiful with or without makeup. Sexy in or out of the feminine trappings women like myself are always draped in.
Lila - two years ago on halloween i was at a coffee shop. I didn’t even know it was halloween. that’s one of the holidays that I don’t even think about now that my kids are grown. as i’m paying for my coffee the girl goes "I LOVE your costume". it wasn’t a costume lol! it was just my clothes for the day! i had on faded flared jeans, biker boots. some kind of a t shirt. a long military style cotton jacket, a purple velvet fishermans type hat with flowers on it and a giant silver peace symbol necklace. She thought i was dressed as a hippie! Nope… just one of my favorite outfits. my husband laughed about that for a year! but he always laughed in this kind of "you gotta love my wife" way. What i do is keep a closet full of sexy dresses and shoes for nights out or events. Just to remind him i CAN if i want to!
and my dresses are always above the knee a couple inches. I’m 5"3 and my calves are HUGE. and when i say huge i mean it! i’ve had men stop me on the street to tell me how much they loved my calves. you know why? men like BIG CALVES! if i wear a mid calve skirt i look like a square…
Well, all right then. I am a "woman of a certain age"…and also the mother of twelve year old and eighteen year old sons. At 50, I have no problem walking with my shoulders open and back, and I have always had a disinctive, rolling sort of walk (short Achilles tendons and bowed legs can become one’s friend) that, for some reason, suits me perfectly. And I smile at people, and look them in the eye. I mostly like people, young and old, and I always think that a smile can make another person’s day a bit easier. I also wear what pleases me, which has nothing to do with the good advice of fashion mavins (who seem only able to dress the very thin and very wealthy). From Apple Bottom jeans that actually fit my high, protuberant backside (most designers create for women who lack buttocks, I’m half Italian and my time has finally come), hip-hop sneakers (I have small feet that are very nicely shaped), and unique t-shirts to all-cotton dresses and skirts with sandals (in the heat) to Dr. Martens (when it’s cooler) I have my own style. I do not dress like a "kid", I dress like myself.
I have to somewhat disagree with the advice about hair and make-up, however. Cosmetics counter consultants are out to sell product, and may not have your best interests at heart. Take a look at yourself in the mirror. Be absolutely honest. You might actually be pleasantly surprised. I did this a couple of years ago, and came to one major realization: I could no longer use liquid eye-liner. I have enormous eyes, with a large gap between top lid and eyebrow. They are an odd color, a light golden-brown that shifts to amber, or a kind of yellow, or even an olive green largely depending on my mood. They are not hazel. I have always been able to go rather exotic with my eye make-up, and get compliments and attention galore. I gave up on mascara a long time ago, as I can’t stand the feel of it, and, regardless of claims to the contrary, it always rubs off on my glasses (I can’t wear contacts and I am not a candidate for surgery). But, o, giving up my liquid eye-liner, that was a bit hard. My eyelids are barely crepey, that wasn’t the issue. The problem is my eternally shaky hands and very poor eyesight. I am extremely farsighted, legally blind in my left eye, and my eyes are slightly disunited. The end result of liquid eyeliner would have looked like a seismographic graph reading during a major quake. Such is life. But ladies, please, not the cosmetologist, and don’t necessarily believe you must cover every tiny (perceived) flaw with spackled on goop. Or wear only neutrals (they make your eyes look like pits) or grey. Or blush. No one looks natural in blush. Never. As for your hair, in my honest opinion, spray, and gel, and styling products, and stiffness do not improve a woman’s appearance. Think soft, gentle, kind, happy. Think about running your own fingers through your hair…and them not coming out like fly-paper. Get a cut that loves your face, that makes you smile. If you want red, or blonde, or whatever, go for it. My buzz cut was fuchsia a couple of years ago. We are not dead.
As for the car, hoho, my dream car is a Porsche 928, 1977, no spoiler. I used to date boys with muscle cars, but only if I could drive the car. No drive, no deal. The gear head boys I didn’t care about, but I love fast cars. I am also an excellent driver (from the mouth of a professional driverwhom I worked with and who also was my mechanic). It is not about power, or being "one of the guys", it’s the pure joy of the road pouring away under the wheels, and the perfect relationship between you, the driver, and the magnificent machine. Sadly, at this moment, I own the "Bump-mobile", a somewhat disreputable, very small, putt-putt hatchback (decorated with an evolve fish and a "Choice" plaque")which serves to bumble its way around town, sometimes with a kid or two (now pubescent boys, who smell like wet dogs and stinky feet) in the back. But that’s okay. The kids like my car, which features a wide assortment of CD’s (Billie Holiday, Dave Matthews, Pink Floyd, Black Crows, Big Mama Thornton, and Mark Knopfler, just for a start) which I sing along with quite happily (another odd talent), plus, I don’t care if they talk about video games or burp, as long as they’re buckled up. But someday, I hope to have my 928.
But here it is. I don’t care about being "a woman of a certain age". People always seem to respond well to me. Sales people, servers at restaurants, mechanics, nurses, whatever. I smile a lot. I don’t expect instant service, and I am very patient during high stress times. Waiting usually doesn’t bother me. Young sales people (I have a couple that I see at stores regularly) want me for their mom. If someone IS being unpleasant without reason, I usually ignore them. If they persist, I don’t take it personally, but I will tell them, in no uncertain terms, (without vulgarity, name-calling, or stooping to their level) that they’re being unpleasant. And my husband says the fellows still look. Huh. I’ve always been pretty oblivious (unless they whistle…I’m originally from Chicago, and there, guys whistle. And occasionally yell, too, nothing vulgar, just kind of good-natured. Why be insulted and get your panties in a twist? It’s been going on since time immemorial) but he says, o, yeah, they still look. So. You want to be noticed, pop up out of the woodwork, NOTICE. Smile hugely. Look at people. If you like those chartreuse shoes, rock them. If you want to go red, do it. Love yourself a lot. Give the world the mighty wonder that is you. Even if you can’t quite manage the "cool car" put something incredible on the stereo, open the windows, and sing your soul out. Nobody can’t sing. It’s the most basic and beautiful form of human expression.