Perhaps I have been fortunate.  Perhaps I have always surrounded myself with other women - and men, attracted to each other by the very fact that each was "on the go" and therefore "interesting" and exciting.  I don’t believe that we have perceived ideas.  We were and are open to the world around us, and not afraid "to try", "to chance" - getting our toes wet - up to our knees if need be. 

Looking back, each of us has been constantly evolving - learning on the go as we met others who excelled.  Even today, our questions probably are preceded by the words "how" and "why".  It may not be our own personal interest - but this is the way that we too learn.  Could it be that "interested" made us "interesting" to be around?  Could it be that our quest for knowledge took us steps further than most and we made what in the business world would be called "contacts"? 

You know me so I won’t say more. . . but a friend - head of the public health service for the county - was taken to an archaelogical society meeting and museum tour.  Who would have guessed?  On the side, she grabbed a Masters at 60 while working, and through the Oriental Museum doors opened into a new world of travel all over the world to "digs".  Close to the ripe young age of 80, you can find photos of her in National Geographic on a "dig" in remote sections of Iran.  Some of her new cohorts became my friends by introduction, and the web of friendship encompassed a wide range of occupations and interests.  Yes, she found the love of her life after her own husband had passed away - which I call the "frosting on the cake". 

So I believe there is no reason to be stuck, for what we all should be is women evolving.  There are no age limits put on opening new doors that I can see, and around those doors just could be a new beginning, a largesse of companions, a job — and yes, a new love.

And that is how it has been in my life and in the lives of those close to me.  The whole of life is our oyster — and the stew made from the assortment of interests and the high level of outreach and enthusiasm resulted in a life unimagined!!

An interesting article also on other ways "the good life" at a later time can be achieved.  Thanks!  Joan

A woman of a certain age is all in the mind. If you keep up with current events, get out and do interesting things people will want to be around you. Age is mind over matter we are only at our best if we think that we are. If you spend your time sitting around and complaining people will drift away as they tire of the rant.

Most of us know or have known people in the 90’s that can still fascinate us with their wit and zest for life. Keeping that and reinventing ourselves so we don’t get stale keeps us from being stuck in a rut.

"What I had found in the intervening time was that Women of a Certain Age were not receiving their due as the vital, vibrant and contributing women that we are and I didn’t like being ignored or having eyes pass over me in search of someone younger"

I hate that… I do. I’m not silver haired yet (but my mom wasn’t at 80 so….) but I still feel that. and I hate it. Feeling so discounted. And i’m not even really at that "certain age" yet. so this piece gave me a boost.

It also made me write myself a note about starting my own women’s group. I moved seven years ago, away from relationships i’d been building for 20 years. Prior to that I’d moved every six months or a year of my life. Had no childhood friends, no siblings my age and only one set of relatives my age whom I never saw. so those relationships were incredibly important to me. Yesterday I was sad a lot of the day because my husband was gone and when he’s gone I realize that I haven’t got any good friends in this town. This article made me go "wait a minute. i can start my own group".

mam tell me how to enjoy old life

Bonnie…sharing your story and going after your dream of "Reinvention" is true inspiration! I will continue to dust off my thoughts and ideas for you have shown it the movement that leads to the magic!…Gillie

What would I do if I knew I could not fail?

If I believed, would the wind always fill up my sail?

How far would I go…what could I achieve?

Trusting the hero in me….

If I were brave I’d walk the razor’s edge

Where fools and dreamers dare to tread

Never lose faith, even when losing my way

What step would I take….today…

If I were brave.

These are the lyrics to one of my favorite songs by Jana Stanfield and reading your article Bonnie reminded me of this song. It is exactly what most of us as women are going through. Afraid to take risks, afraid to "go for it" filled with all the questions of "what if"

I’m very much like you, love networking and connecting with women, and it is always a blasts to see fellow women "get it" pay attention to that spark that goes off in their heads.

Indeed, what would we all do and aspire toward if we were brave?

Joan, I love your idea of oyster stew!  I think so many of us are anxious about making each dish a separate course and having it be "perfect".  Your stories highlight the need for letting life unfold — of course, we have to get it moving in directions that interest us, but we just can’t see all the paths that will open.  Thank you!

Chrome Toe, or is that Motorcycle Momma?!? You have just had an important Aha! moment.  Last year I was talking with one of the top salespeople at the Harley dealership in Scottsdale AZ.  She said her biggest customer demographic is women over 50.  Once she gets them to try riding a motorcycle she has a hard time getting them off of itand the sale is a done deal.  Sounds to me like you probably already have a group, but just haven’t met them yet!  Let me know what you come up with… Bonnie

Belinda, what great lyrics! I’ve got to go find that song.  Another song I like is the Theme from Mahogony… Do you know where you’re going to…

Bonnie

Silver… I actually do have a group of women I ride with here. Just not any "deep" relationships. They are all pretty superficial. no one I can call up and say "I’m sad". you know? or "i’ve had a shit day" and feel like that person "gets" me. All of those are 400 miles away. BUT with that said… your piece inspired me to start a group that is based on a deeper perspective and connection. not sure WHAT that group will be yet lol. but something…. there’s a website called meetup.com have you ever seen it? I found all the women i ride with on it and am going to a meetup for working out in parks this weekend ha ha.

Chrome, remember depth takes time. Your old posse had some 20 year roots, keep hanging with those who share your interests, be ready to hear if they are having a tough time, and your relationships will flower — so much for my horticultural metaphor.  Rats!  I’d rather things happened quicker!

My "Certain Age" moment hasn’t fully come yet, unless you count the one where I purchased a senior-rate movie ticket and held my breath hoping the cashier would reel back and demand ID because I looked "far too young!" And of course, the cashier just doled out the ticket with nary a lifted eyebrow, so I guess I AM of a "Certain Age". But mentally? That’s another tale altogether.

As long as I am physically able to move around, get out and about and do the things that enrich my life, have some fun and be creative, why, I have NO age, and I am every age! In fact, it’s kind of cool to be 64 chronologically, with some accrued knowledge and experience, but to be the same ingenuous and curious 20-year old I once was even if only in my own mind.

I retired three years ago from my administrative job, and now focus on teaching and tutoring, and I remain inspired and connected through these endeavors. (I always liked them FAR better than the daily minutiae of university administration.) The main focus and mission for me these days is to explore in more depth the things that truly interest me in life. I’ve always loved reading - and now I read with more determination to make every book really COUNT, and to get every nuance of meaning I can from them (or - when the chips are down - to find a book where I can completely escape into fantasy!) I love writing, and now I have no further excuses to delay application of fanny to chair seat and actually get something accomplished. Before retirement, music was an important component of my life, but now, with more time, I can happily spend an afternoon following the intricacies of a Handel oratorio with the depth and fervor it deserves, or swing through a Sinatra song over and over until I feel fully sated by his honeyed, bittersweet take on life.

I guess for me, being of a "Certain Age" is both a challenge and a pleasure. There are good days when all the circuits are connecting smoothly, and there are not-so-good days when things get a little choppy. But the main thing I can pass along to others who are - or are about to be - of a "Certain Age" is to persist. Keep on keeping on, and don’t feel there is any challenge you can’t offer to yourself. If you honestly feel the urge to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro, or ride that Fat Boy along Route 66, or wear that Raf Simons black sheath dress to a hot dance club - well, wOwers, my philosophy is to go for it! Age is both more and less than a number: it is only a starting point. Being open to the new, accepting of the idea of challenge, and ready for a stretch of mind and body - that’s my recipe for a great time in life, no matter what your age.

I always feel when something happens in our lives which knocks us off our feet,  it is GOD evolving us from the “preconceived, how it should be” to the “reality of what it will be”.   It took me 40 years to realize this.  I was a very quiet, but a moderately sociable person.  Always working in the background and being comfortable with that.   Working in the “background”  of any task which I was involved in was my preconceived idea of how it should be.   I always believed in humanity and looking for ways to lift others without having a personal agenda in play.    When I was about 41 years old, something major happen to me.  At the time of the initial “storm” I could not see it then,  as I see it now, that GOD was moving me into a strategic position that will no doubt change the “preconceived direction” of my life and it did not seem it was the “background”.   When we have these wake-up calls and we notice them,  it becomes the crowning moment of wisdom finally taking form.   

 

For starters, I do see myself as a motivator, even though I never been a public speaker, perhaps,   writing is my calling.   I am still a “diamond in the ruff”, a flower waiting to come full bloom.   I am still in the planning mode while this other part of my life is still in hold (not by my power).   I pray that this new found direction will take the form that GOD has intended.

 

NO ONE IS UNIMPORTANT OR DISCOUNTED IN OUR SOCIETY AS FAR AS GOD CONCERNS!    We all have talents and some talents are hidden until change happens in our life or we take a deep look inside of our potential and direction of our life. It’s  like GOD peeling off the “preconceived ideas of how it should be”.    After the disrobing take place we then can see clearly the hidden talents waiting to take life by the horns.   One of my many life’s mottos is:  “wisdom is knowing  when to take life by the horns  or take life as it comes.”   

 

I am using whatever resources that are in my reach to education myself for my new found direction.  One of those resources is studying GOD’s word to continue to grow in spiritual wisdom.      So for now, I’m taking life as it comes,  and preparing to take life by the horns!

 

Susan, I’m with you! Persistence, no matter what the topic, is the key.  Who knows where these paths will take us, but it is sure interesting to find out.  Hmmm, Raf Simons sheath, huh? A couple more sit-ups should do it!

Hi Bonnie — as I read your words, all I could think of is how fun it would be to really talk to you.  As Joni knows, my mind seems to specialize on this subject - that and relationships (and you can’t have a GOOD one without the other I found) - and my own life experiences and watching those around me have taught me so much.  My life only seems to get better with years and frankly, I am blown away with it.  I don’t call it good fortune, as my beliefs transpose into action and I make my own life unbelievable.  It CAN be done in the most beautiful way!  Joan