Most dogs are wonderful. Still, I do hope the Obama’s pick a shelter dog. Our first pup was the only purebred in the house and believe me, he used to flaunt it. His name was Charles Worthington Farthington the third. He wanted to be called Sir and became moodywhen I referred to him as Chuck.

During mating season (his), he’d sneak out the door as soon as that slut poodle seductively dropped the flea collar off her shoulders. Yes, she had shoulders! Minutes later (just like his master), when he finished he’d crawl back, slurking next to the wall with guilt written all over his snout and then wedge himself under the bed.

They say environment influences canine behaviour. Well, we had always taught him that sex was beautiful; a natural function between two consenting adults. In addition, we had stopped behaving in that manner long before bringing him into our home. I believe it was his uptight heritage that prompted him to be so prudish.

That is why I am in favor of mutts. Really, who else will run to the door whenever you return filled with joy and love and then passionately lick you all over? If you do know someone, please give him my number.