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The Book Party

Judith Martin | 01/08/2009 11:00 am

Judith Martin: Words Worth Repeating

Judith Martin

Bookish families have their pet quotations and references that they use in everyday life. For example, my grandmother would say to my mother, and my mother would say to me, "Yes, Gwendolyn, dear, whatever you want, Gwendolyn, as long as you are happy, that’s all that really matters."

Now, neither of us was named Gwendolyn. But as teenagers, we both had been given to acting imperiously on occasion (as what teenager has not?) and this was the gently sarcastic reprimand. It is not a quotation, but refers to Gwendolyn Harleth in George Eliot’s Daniel Deronda, the glamour-puss of her family to whom her mother always deferred, and who came to a sad end.

If my grandmother conceded to going along with something others wanted to do, she did not say, "OK, whatever." She said, "Barkis is willin’." In Charles Dickens’s David Copperfield Barkis, the coachman, sends this message to the nurse, Peggotty, expecting her to understand that it is a proposal of marriage.

Such conversational habits are far from the grandeur of quoting literature, which is why Shakespearean references don’t quite qualify. Rather, this is family shorthand or code, taken from each family’s own favorite books and used in common situations. (In public, my grandmother had only to say "Gwendolyn" to have my mother think "Uh-oh" and adjust her demeanor.) It is also an effective way to get the children to read those books, to find out what on earth the old folks are talking about.

We would like to hear yours.
Here are some of the others in my family:

"Up to a point, Lord Copper."
In Evelyn Waugh’s Scoop, that is what the foreign editor of the Beast says when he cannot quite give his other standard response to his chief, the press lord ("Definitely, Lord Copper") because his chief has said something dead wrong. It allows us to avoid saying, "You don’t know what you’re talking about."

"It was the salmon."
From Dickens’s The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club, used, as Mr. Snodgrass does, to justify being in a questionable state. As the author adds parenthetically,  "Somehow or other, it never is the wine in these cases."

"I am Duchess of Malfi still."
The title character in John Webster’s The Duchess of Malfi says this when she knows she is about to be strangled, so we use it as a way of saying, "You got me, but I’m not really giving in."

"I am Henry IV, and have been these 20 years."
A very different meaning from the above — this is said in Luigi Pirandello’s Henry IV by an alleged madman who is rich enough to have everyone indulge him in his impersonation of  that king; therefore, a way of saying, "OK, so I’m nuts, but that’s the way I am, so don’t give me a hard time."

"I’ve always wanted to wander in the Pyrenees."
"You’ll wander in them."

An exchange by the immobile characters in Samuel Beckett’s Waiting for Godot (one of many we use, doing our best to reproduce the voices of Bert Lahr and E.G. Marshall in the great New York production), this serves as the "I dunno" answer to "What do you want to do?" or "Where shall we go?"

"He rode madly off in all directions."(Full version: "Lord Ronald said nothing; he flung himself from the room, flung himself upon his horse and rode madly off in all directions.")
Taken from Stephen Leacock’s Gertrude the Governess; or Simple Seventeen and useful when asked someone’s whereabouts, which you neither know nor think particularly important.

And of course, the most useful and widely quoted phrase of all —the triumph of the subordinate over the powerful — from Herman Melville’s Bartleby The Scrivener, in which the title character refuses orders from his employer, including that of vacating the premises after being fired, by saying: "I would prefer not to."

94 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

phyllis Doyle Pepe
Family, someone remarks in Paula Fox’s, “The Widow’s Children,” is a jigsaw of misery fitting together perfectly.
By phyllis Doyle Pepe on 01/08/2009 5:52 pm
Lorraine Bates
I say this more often then I probably should - from my favorite book, The Color Purple: “White folks is a miracle of affliction.” Usually said after someone gives me and my daughter that twisted, can’t-do-the-math look.
By Lorraine Bates on 01/08/2009 2:56 pm
beth willis
I love all of these. Liz, I used to say that line from’Lion in Winter’ also. Although with our children we more often created ‘familyspeak’ from ‘Saturday Night Live’, the early years, we had a few from Henry David—‘Simplify, simplify, simplify’ when the bedroom cleanup whining began. ‘Castles in the air’……whenever big adventures were proposed (If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost. That is where they should be. Now, put the foundations under them’) We only had to get to ‘air’ and the rest, hard work, was understood. My son and I would always begin squealing, ‘Oh, Miss Havisham, Miss Havisham!’ whenever someone was worrisome. And whoever was the first to have a query about one decision or another, my daughter would begin, ‘Ah, yes to be or not to be’ and we each went on with all the choices possible, ‘To play golf or not to play golf’, etc. This was fun. We have more, and I suspect all of us do. I would like to hear Liz Smith’s, and I wonder if Joni Evans collected some special quotes as part of her publishing career. Peace and grace
By beth willis on 01/08/2009 5:35 pm
Melanie Waldrop
My candle burns at both ends; it will not last the night. But ah my friends, and oh my foes it gives a lovely light.- Edna St. Vincent Millay In this century life seems to travel faster than the speed of light. In our 20/20 hindsights, we often look back at the lives of those who lived faster, and burned out quicker than most….Ms. Millay’s poetry always comes to mind when thinking of those fantastic and fabulous people who explode into public consciousness like a supernova, create a spectacular show, and fade into eternity.
By Melanie Waldrop on 01/08/2009 7:01 pm
Frannie Em
Melanie My mother used to say that to my sister and I when we would end up exhausted and sick in bed and out from school. There was a rule, if we got sick from staying out too late we were grounded the next weekend. We learned how to carouse with the candle lit only at one end.
By Frannie Em on 01/09/2009 12:30 am
Josie Sullivan
We had, “the goblin’s will get cha’ if ya don’t watch out”. That was from the Poem, Little Orphant Annie by James Whitcomb Riley. My mother could recite the whole piece and it always caught my attention.
By Josie Sullivan on 01/08/2009 8:00 pm
margameri margameri
My father would pay me a guinea (21 shillings) to “commit to memory” his favorite poems. I still enjoy recalling some of them: “He who would bind to himself a joy, Doth its winged life destroy. He who kisses a joy as it flies, Lives in eternity’s sunrise.” WIlliam Blake “What is this life if, full of care, We have no time to stand and stare. No time to stand beneath the boughs And stare as long as sheep or cows. No time to see, when woods we pass, Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass. No time to see, in broad daylight, Streams full of stars, like skies at night. No time to turn at Beauty’s glance, And watch her feet, how they can dance. No time to wait till her mouth can Enrich that smile her eyes began. A poor life this if, full of care, We have no time to stand and stare” William Henry Davies ” A little learning is a dangerous thing, Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring:”….Alexander Pope and how touching when Winnie the Pooh said to Eyeore “I saw Owl today…looked at me…awfully nice I thought” - and about that one I have to quote the Bard of Avon: “….As I remember Adam, it was upon this fashion…” because Pooh’s comment is rusty now, and that’s how I remember it. …a gift from an adoring father that lasts forever.
By margameri margameri on 01/08/2009 9:33 pm
Lizzie R.
In the 60s & 70s Rod McKuen was a very popular musician and poet with many books published. There was one line from his book “Stanyan Street and Other Sorrows” that I adopted for my own mantra on down days and still use it..”All your days can’t be sunshine bright; all your nights something to remember.” Rather puts things into perspective for me. Then there was a child’s verse from my childhood. I think it might have been from “Silver Pennies.” It goes..”I love little pussy, her coat is so warm, and if I don’t hurt her she’ll do me no harm.” I sing it to my cats to a tune I made up, substituting their name for “pussy.” My cats have always liked it, but singing to a cat? Hmmm.
By Lizzie R. on 01/08/2009 9:40 pm
beth willis
Oh, I M, I too embraced McKuen. In fact, we now have a ‘record player’ and I may just get those out tonight. do you thnk they’ll have the same effect on this 61 year old that they had on that 16 year olf? Peace and grace
By beth willis on 01/12/2009 5:38 pm
Lizzie R.
I looked him up online and felt so bad that this man who used to play to mobs in his day is now playing to retirement homes and senior centers. He is in his 70s now, so guess it’s fine that he still goes on the road. Remember Glenn Yarbrough singing all his songs too? I stood in a long line once to get him to sign a new book he had out. It was such a thrill to meet him in person then. I’ll bet his music will still move you.
By Lizzie R. on 01/12/2009 6:11 pm
iris odonata
well here I am, late to the dance. McKuen? “When I was nine, or part of nine, we lived in Scamaneia, Washington…I have never had a friend and learned to lose him graciously.” “Lions are so rare that they can walk among the populace unnnoticed.”
By iris odonata on 01/20/2009 11:25 pm
Tee Zee
Nuttin wrong with singing to a cat…
By Tee Zee on 01/08/2009 10:35 pm
Liz Ryan
I’ve read in The New York times this weekend, that book stores and publishers are going out of business. It’s not that people aren’t reading so much, it is that those of us who are reading, are getting our books from Amazon becuase it is cheaper, even with postage, and also because of the internet. It is greener, with less trees being destroyed. This makes it harder for publishers and authers alike. One auther was dismayed her book was sold for 25 cents from Amazon. And previous mainstays, college level reading literature required, are also being bought used more. So, some areas are now without any local book store. I don’t think we will ever have a time when we won’t have books available if we want them, but to not have a book store near by to go browse in is a depressing thought. Life is so much richer when we can read books and make these kinds of references to each other, and laugh or share a common understanding of what it means to one another. And it’s kind of a let down when you make a reference to a book like that, and the person just looks blank at you and says ‘Huh?” This was fun.
By Liz Ryan on 01/09/2009 12:03 am
Lizzie R.
That is so sad. We have had several independent bookstores already close here and I heard rumors that Borders is closing. Waldenbooks left last year. I adore book stores and can spend an afternoon there just browsing,and writing down the titles I want to read. Then I either request them at the library or order them on Amazon, which makes me very guilty, but also saves me a lot of money. We have hundreds of books in our house and I am always amazed at the number of people who don’t have any at all. Is reading a lost art with the advent of computers, and TV, of course? I have a good friend who refuses to get a computer, as she prefers to read. I manage to do both, but sometimes my reading suffers.
By Lizzie R. on 01/09/2009 1:58 am