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Conversation | 02/02/2008 1:09 pm

Age, Sex and the Sometimes Single Girl

© Shutterstock

 

EDITOR’S NOTE: Also featuring special guest, Joni Evans, CEO of wowOwow. The following conversation took place on Feb. 2.

 

JOAN: This is February 2nd, 2008. Saturday. We are sitting in the space ship of Mary Wells, hovering over NYC. It is Liz Smith’s birthday. Happy Birthday, Liz. How old are you?


LIZ: I am only 85 years old, and I don’t believe it myself.

JONI: I am 65 years old and I wish I looked like Liz Smith.

MARY: I don’t believe in birthdays because I think your mind controls your body and if you think you’re getting old, you will. But if I have to get older, one thing I certainly am sure of is that I’d like to look like Liz Smith.

JOAN: I am 59 years old and I keep thinking I’m 60 because it seems so much more convenient.

LIZ: It isn’t though, I’m telling you. It was much more fun to be 79. I was still like I was 28. As soon as I turned 80, it changed. I had this big party given for me at Le Cirque — it was all of my good friends who spent thousands of dollars on it and they invited every important person in the world to it. When that was over I said, “Jeez, I’m 80! What am I going to do now?” I’ve never been the same since.

JOAN: What did you do? What was that 80th year like?

LIZ: I felt different after it. I was astounded because I’ve never paid any attention to my age. I’ve always felt I was 28 years old inside, and I’m clinging to that.

JONI: Have you had a lot of sex since you’ve been 80?

LIZ: What an impertinent question. No, I haven’t had a lot, Joni, because you’ve got the only guy I want. No. Actually I have had a little bit. I can’t deny it. I have had a little bit of sex…with people who don’t know how old I am. When I wrote my memoir, Natural Blonde – Joni was the instigator and agent — I had a story in it about how one night I went to the end of my driveway to wait for a car. I was going to have dinner with Barbara Walters and she was sending her car and I was standing there all made up and it was dusk. And a guy came up to me and said, “Do you know where the El Rio Grande restaurant is?” I said, “Yes, it’s right here in this building. If you go right in there, that’s it.” And he was cute — about 40, 42 years old. So he went away and in a minute he came back, saying: “Would you think I was really forward if I … would you like to come in and have a drink with me?” And I thought, “This guy can’t really see me in the dusk. He thinks I’m some blonde tart standing out here.” After all, I was all tarted up. So I thought, “what would happen if I went in there with him?” But then he perceived that I was not actually all that young. Oh, well…it was a great story, anyway. It cheered me up tremendously.

JOAN: Have you ever had the younger man thing?

JONI: Now I do. Wish I knew that before. Having a younger man is so much better. But I’m interested in the myth that sex goes away. I know there are certain things that aren’t quite the same. But most of my friends over 50 are having the best sex they ever had because they are over 50, or over 60, or over 70. Does everybody know it gets better? It may not be as juicy, forgive me. But it gets better and more real. Why don’t people talk about that?

LIZ: I think women are reluctant to appear to be bragging — or they are compensating for something they think everybody else believes in, which is that sex is always better when you are young.

Read more about: Sex

64 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Bebe Danielsson
Mary! thank you thank you thank you for your statement “I don’t believe in birthdays because I think your mind controls your body and if you think you’re getting old, you will.” I truly believe this, i see women focusing so much on the decline of the body, and why does everyone ask for your age? I refuse to go along with the resentment a lot of people have with aging. I say Choose the age you want your body to be and stick with it!!! The mind is incredibly powerful, one only has to know a hypochondriac to see this reality. its crazy! Yet, a life of Joy, Self Love & acceptance, and a nice sex life helps with the timeless beauty. Excited and supportive of this site, thanks for your time. BEBE
By Bebe Danielsson on 03/15/2008 2:52 am
Mary Ellen Evans
In the 1960s I worked as a copywriter for a large advertising agency in San Francisco. It was a time when few women had writing positions. Mary Wells was my inspiration, breaking through all those glass walls that stood in her path. I never achieved fame, but I did succeed in my own way and today run a small advertising agency. I am glad to have this opportunity to thank her for helping me realize that anything was possible. Mary Ellen Evans
By Mary Ellen Evans on 03/17/2008 9:32 pm
Bella Mia
Sex is the lowest common denominator, but intimacy is different, and that is harder to find. I married as a young virgin at 23, due to religious reasons, and had a magnificent honeymoon. We were friends first, and that has been a constant in our relationship even during the rocky times. We’ve been married for 25 years, and so we’ve had great sex, bad sex, boring sex, charity sex, utilitarian sex, delightful sex, make-up sex, ‘trust me you need this’ sex, no sex, and ‘hurry-the children-are-fighting-downstairs’ sex. I’m finishing my degree in counseling and my mentor and friend is a marriage and sex therapist trained by Dr. David Schnarch, author of Resurrecting Sex. It really does get better as you get older, and that’s what he has found in his research. However, ultimately, it is the intimacy skills, not developed through affairs, that provides the real kick to amazing sex. Seven children later, we are still in love, and have figured out a few things - sex is one of them.
By Bella Mia on 03/18/2008 6:28 am
Xanadu Xero
Arrrgh! What does “THE BEST SEX EVER! (exclamation mark implied)” mean? If you’re married, for instance, let’s say you’re fifty, it’s been twenty years… what happens? Fading hormones RALLY? Your tired, menopausal motor sprouts cylindars and LUBES UP? Your husband TRANSFORMS into Mr. Big? You feel GOOD about your neck? Or you’re so COMFORTABLE WITH YOURSELF you… You WHAT? What? This conversation was waaaay too Redbook soporific for a gaggle of well lasered, Urban Type A-s. Damn. (www.xanaduxero.blogspot.com)
By Xanadu Xero on 03/19/2008 7:18 pm
Buh-Bye Hillary Hillary Buh-Bye
Liz Smith is 85?!! Fabulous!! Best wishes for many more…and same for the birthdays too!
By Buh-Bye Hillary Hillary Buh-Bye on 03/23/2008 3:38 am
Barbara Cooper
First of all I am a newbie here and will start by wishing Liz a Happy belated Birthday. I’am 61 and within the last 2 years have gone from dreading getting older to loving it. I have been married 40 years to the same man and yes girls the sex is better than it has ever been. When I was young and my kids were young quite often I was just too tired to enjoy it. Not now! I agree with the statement age is just a state of mind.
By Barbara Cooper on 03/24/2008 8:16 pm
beth willis
Belated Happy Birthday, Liz. No one mentions famous Paschal High School Graduates without your name flourishing at the top of the list. I am a devoted fan of your writing and your life philosophy…robbing no one of their dignity and generously contributing to the integrity of of your subjects. Brava, Liz
By beth willis on 03/25/2008 9:09 am
T S
I will be 52 in April. I am not going gracefully! I dragged myself out of the midwest and moved within a 2 hour drive of the Atlantic just so I could go to the shore when I felt myself goiong CRAZY! I did spend my 50th on the beach! I rode a bike on the boardwalk, stood in the FREEZING water and laughed, and then had prime rib and a gin and tonic for supper! Damnnn!!! Happy birthday, Liz!
By T S on 03/25/2008 3:32 pm
T S
Thanks for this site. It’s good to post and read with grown-ups! I remember Edith Ann-and that’s the truth!
By T S on 03/25/2008 3:35 pm
T S
I forgot the rasberry. RASBERRY!!!!!!!!!!!
By T S on 03/25/2008 3:36 pm
Jenny Oops
LIZ! You are 85????? Can’t be! Happy birthday all year long.
By Jenny Oops on 04/09/2008 4:07 am
Jenny Oops
OOOOOOOO LA LA! What a conversation!
By Jenny Oops on 04/09/2008 4:22 am
Jenny Oops
P.S. Wanted to mention that I saw some of the ladies on The Charlie Rose Show tonight, and hurried right over. Ain’t Charlie grand!
By Jenny Oops on 04/09/2008 4:42 am
Ashley S.
I’m in my late 30s, single, sexless, no boyfriend, and my life is more complicated and stressed out. Imagine, a man in my life? Well, in my family no woman is married or has kids, and, we’re probably all dealing with some sort of depression or on an anti-depressant (highly intelligent/college graduates/good women). Thank goodness, enough of my self-esteem is in tact cause I’m probably prime for an abusive relationship and wanting the man to fill all the holes in my life. I go back to the example of my mom, she never relied on a man—I joke with her “and you still turned out crazy!” We have a good ole laugh! I like coming home and flopping on the couch, foods where I left it, buy whatever I want and, spend more than I should, a lot. I spend a lot on other people’s kids. They are my god-kids. I get to do more for my family. Heck yeah if Mr. Sane/handsome/stable/no baggage came along, I’d want him—and I’d mess it up! Gosh, I think I’m one of those women, ya know, I am insecure, but I only aggravate my family and drive MYSELF insane. Men, you’re welcome. HA!
By Ashley S. on 04/09/2008 8:04 pm
Barbara Duchek
Liz Smith is 85??!!!! OMG, girls there is hope for us all! You are wonderful Liz…..Many, many more.
By Barbara Duchek on 04/10/2008 9:19 am