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Conversation | 03/12/2008 4:17 pm

Whoopi Goldberg to Dr. Laura: Are You Crazy? Don't Blame Eliot Spitzer's Wife

Governor Eliot Spitzer and his wife, Silda.
AP

The following conversation between Liz Smith and Whoopi Goldberg took place on March 12, 2008.

WHOOPI: I’m listening to people blame Eliot Spitzer’s wife. Dr. Laura Schlessinger intimates that it was maybe something lacking in his wife that would cause him to go do this. And I’m thinking, “Are you crazy?”

LIZ: She doesn’t say maybe. She says:“I do not know anything about their personal lives.” And then she says, “The point is, what she’s done is wrong.”

WHOOPI: Yes.

LIZ: Her quote is: “If a woman doesn’t make herself sexually perfect for the husband then she drives him away. And, poor thing, he has to go use prostitutes for $80,000.”

WHOOPI: So this is something the wife is not doing.

LIZ: She says that both spouses share the blame. Well there are plenty of people on [wowOwow.com] saying she’s full of it, including you and me.

WHOOPI: Yeah. I mean, it makes no sense.

LIZ: So Ann Curry, Dina Matos and Meredith Vieira, they all said, “But you’re saying the woman should feel guilty that they drove their husband to cheat?” And, I’ve read this story today, Whoopi, in the Daily News, a story about Mrs. Spitzer and she doesn’t sound like any body’s fool exactly. They say, “She doesn’t want to look at him. And if he doesn’t want to bear the look that she gives when she does look at him, they go to separate rooms.”

WHOOPI: This is much bigger deal because it’s him – specifically because it’s Eliot Spitzer. He’s not well liked. He’s not a liked person. He brought it on himself. You cannot prosecute prostitution rings and then think that no one is going to bust you if you’re participating.

LIZ: Well, it’s just the total hypocrisy of it is so shocking. He’s always been the white knight.

WHOOPI: Well that’s what he told everybody.

LIZ: He acted that way, too. He was sending them to jail for doing just what he did.

WHOOPI: And that is why a lot of this is going down the way that it is.

LIZ: Well, don’t you think, Whoopi, that it’s unfortunate that any woman should get it in her mind that it’s entirely up to her to keep her husband from cheating?

WHOOPI: I think it’s outrageous. It’s like saying you have to think about what you wear because it might be the blame for somebody raping you. It’s the same thing.

LIZ: Exactly. As if she was asking for it.

WHOOPI: I don’t understand how a halfway intelligent woman, like I think Laura Schlessinger is, she has to be halfway intelligent.

LIZ: Oh, she’s very intelligent, you know.

WHOOPI: Unless she’s just being provocative. In which case, since you don’t know what their relationship is, keep your provocative bullshit to yourself.

LIZ: Right. If Silda wanted to stay with him after all of this, I guess that’s her business. But, for her to accept the blame … We had one person write in yesterday to the wOw website saying that when he got up to apologize, she shouldn’t have stood with him. She should have gone and sat in the first row to see whether she would accept his apology.

WHOOPI: I like that.

LIZ: Women are always getting blamed for things. I’m certainly not a very good feminist myself, but, I see this ridiculous sexism everywhere I go.

WHOOPI: We allow certain things to go on, as women.

LIZ: That’s true.

WHOOPI: Why is no one is saying: ‘Hey, listen. You need to stop putting this on the hookers?’ Or, ‘Stop putting it on this person or that person. You need to put it on the man whose fault it is?’

LIZ: Exactly.

WHOOPI: This could not have happened without his sanction, you know. It would not have happened …

LIZ: That’s right. Remember the song “Girls Just Want to Have Fun?”

WHOOPI: Yes.

LIZ: Well, some men just want to have prostitutes. And they’re always going to do that because that’s what they want.

WHOOPI: Hey, I’m OK with men that … I’m a believer that we should legalize it.

LIZ: I agree. But the two things are different.

WHOOPI: Yes. But you have to explain to people that No. 1, we as women have to get over how we feel about prostitution because it’s not anything against us as women. Do you know what I mean? If your man goes to a prostitute it’s not because he doesn’t love you. It’s not because he doesn’t care for you or your family. I believe that is a safe way, in a man’s mind, to go get his rocks off. Now if he’s not honest enough to say to his wife, “Listen, this is what I’m doing,” because he knows if she says, “Well you can’t do that and be with me,” and she’s going to leave him.

LIZ: She could either cooperate with it or put up with it or not. And then she has an option. She isn’t just being humiliated.

WHOOPI: I listened to folks talk today about prostitutes, period. And trying to explain to people that they’re not the place to put your ire. That’s not the place to be pissed off at. The place to be pissed of at is the man who is going behind your back or your friends back and doing this and doesn’t have the balls to say, “Listen. I’m having something outside of our marriage. So here’s what you need to do. I’ve got myself checked. You need to get yourself checked.” That’s the angry part to me.

LIZ: Also, I think, if we’re realistic we know there always is going to be prostitution.

WHOOPI: Oh, God, yes. It’s the world’s oldest profession.

209 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Lucia Santoro
Wasn’t there an illusion to Client 9 enjoying unsafe sex? How does a husband a father atone for that?
By Lucia Santoro on 03/13/2008 7:57 am
Lorraine Bates
To steal a phrase from Mike Meyers to describe Dr. Laura, “she’s a man, baby!!” She’s got to be, because Dr. Laura is either trying to get some free press off this, or she’s off her nut. Personally, I think it’s 50% of one and 50% of the other. Unless Silda Spitzer handed him the charge card and the number to the Emperor’s club, she’s not to blame.
By Lorraine Bates on 03/13/2008 8:02 am
Laura Sanchez
wow!! couldn’t agree any less…. but there must have been something missed ..in the marriage that is… something in need of repair.. she must have had some feeling of ” Something doesn’t feel right” It’s that little voice inside that is somtimes ignored.
By Laura Sanchez on 03/23/2008 6:09 pm
Taylor Hall
Laura…I agree with some of what you are saying. Married women with children you should understand what I am about to say. You get tired…you think he understands…you think he too is tired or doesn’t want to make love because it’s only been a few weeks. Here is what my Mother told me before I got married. Your husband will always want to have sex. You should too. But when the kids come around make time for the two of you. The crazy radio talk show host will always say things to keep us talking about her. She won…again. The former governor was taken to prostitutes before he graduated law school. Bet me.
By Taylor Hall on 03/24/2008 8:39 pm
Laura Sanchez
Yeah… I see your point, and I agree. Married women nd men have to work at marriage at ALL TIMES!! (my opinion), but it takes two to make the effort, to be candid about any and everything..sexual desires, politics, etc… fostering good communication is so important. He probably did indeed meet with prostitutes early on…. he just got caught~ what a shame!!! : / much blessings to them in healing the wounds that run a lot deeper than they realize for now!
By Laura Sanchez on 03/24/2008 10:22 pm
Debbie Nunez
I don’t think men go to prostitutes because something is “wrong” in the marital bed. I think it is something deeper than that. I think it has more to do with power than sex. Talk to any prostitute and she will tell you that more than have her clientele are married men. What does that say for the wives of America? I just don’t buy it. Spitzer and men like him who are powerful and wealthy do what they do because they can. No other reason, and now he got caught. Lots of these egomaniacal men are quasi-sociopaths. They have no conscious so it’s easy for them to behave badly. They see themselves above the law.
By Debbie Nunez on 03/27/2008 4:34 pm
hawgwld_n_ hartlss
I can’t believe Dr. Laura Schlessinger would imply that it was maybe something lacking in his wife! What about the thought that it’s something lacking in him? Maybe paying for it was the only way he could remove any doubt in his mind about HIS abilities and skills in bed. If it weren’t illegal, and he hadn’t been such a fervent prosecutor of prostitution, I’d say it’s between him and his wife to figure out and handle, but since it is and he was, he should be held to a higher standard.
By hawgwld_n_ hartlss on 03/13/2008 8:04 am
brad berger
When all else fails as Eydie Gorme sang - Blame It On the Bossa Nova
By brad berger on 03/13/2008 8:05 am
hawgwld_n_ hartlss
I am curious to know, however, if any public funds were used to supplement his sex life.
By hawgwld_n_ hartlss on 03/13/2008 8:06 am
Kay Sara
Women have got to stop accepting the blame for everything. As well as women have to stop blaming other women for things that they had nothing to do with. Women can be our own worst enemies. Liz, I hope you didn’t say it with some sense of pride that “you aren’t a very good feminist.” All women need to stand up for all women. period. We have a long way to go to be treated equally let alone to not accept human rights violations.
By Kay Sara on 03/13/2008 8:08 am
ina pinkney
Prostitution may be the oldest profession, but blaming a woman for ‘driving’ her man to buy sex by not being the perfect sexual partner is the oldest lie.
By ina pinkney on 03/13/2008 8:08 am
brad berger
As the old wise man said, “The difference between men and women is in their jeans.”
By brad berger on 03/13/2008 8:23 am
MW C
I’m married to a lawyer, and I’ll take a wild guess that Silda has had to put up with a lot of a-hole behavior from hubby, that if it’s left only to the wife to deal with — will end up in a dysfunctional sex life. Maybe she’s withholding, and it turned into kind of a game of chicken — leave the Type A crap at the door, or else — so maybe on some unconscious level, she was looking for an out.
By MW C on 03/13/2008 8:23 am
Diane cardinale
It’s the nature of the beast ladies……a wife can be a “whore” in the bedroom and still 9 out of 10 men will go out and stray. What angers me about all of this is the hypocrisy of Spitzer…he built his reputation on prosecuting crimes of the very nature he is guilty of comitting himself…..what a self righteous (_o_)…….to say that he has disappointed New Yorkers is an understatement….and to the people that feel his private life should not be public….NOT SO…..just ask any celebrity.
By Diane cardinale on 03/13/2008 8:23 am
Loralei Butler
Seriously? How in the world can we ask that women not stereotyped and discriminated against and not extend the same courtesy and respect to men? Come on, “9 out of 10?” “The nature of the beast?” People are individuals and should be treated as such. Spitzer, as an individual, is a hypocrite and a liar - and those are mild terms. His nature is not the nature of all men, thank God.
By Loralei Butler on 03/19/2008 8:07 pm