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Conversation | 03/12/2008 4:17 pm

Whoopi Goldberg to Dr. Laura: Are You Crazy? Don't Blame Eliot Spitzer's Wife

Governor Eliot Spitzer and his wife, Silda.
AP

The following conversation between Liz Smith and Whoopi Goldberg took place on March 12, 2008.

WHOOPI: I’m listening to people blame Eliot Spitzer’s wife. Dr. Laura Schlessinger intimates that it was maybe something lacking in his wife that would cause him to go do this. And I’m thinking, “Are you crazy?”

LIZ: She doesn’t say maybe. She says:“I do not know anything about their personal lives.” And then she says, “The point is, what she’s done is wrong.”

WHOOPI: Yes.

LIZ: Her quote is: “If a woman doesn’t make herself sexually perfect for the husband then she drives him away. And, poor thing, he has to go use prostitutes for $80,000.”

WHOOPI: So this is something the wife is not doing.

LIZ: She says that both spouses share the blame. Well there are plenty of people on [wowOwow.com] saying she’s full of it, including you and me.

WHOOPI: Yeah. I mean, it makes no sense.

LIZ: So Ann Curry, Dina Matos and Meredith Vieira, they all said, “But you’re saying the woman should feel guilty that they drove their husband to cheat?” And, I’ve read this story today, Whoopi, in the Daily News, a story about Mrs. Spitzer and she doesn’t sound like any body’s fool exactly. They say, “She doesn’t want to look at him. And if he doesn’t want to bear the look that she gives when she does look at him, they go to separate rooms.”

WHOOPI: This is much bigger deal because it’s him – specifically because it’s Eliot Spitzer. He’s not well liked. He’s not a liked person. He brought it on himself. You cannot prosecute prostitution rings and then think that no one is going to bust you if you’re participating.

LIZ: Well, it’s just the total hypocrisy of it is so shocking. He’s always been the white knight.

WHOOPI: Well that’s what he told everybody.

LIZ: He acted that way, too. He was sending them to jail for doing just what he did.

WHOOPI: And that is why a lot of this is going down the way that it is.

LIZ: Well, don’t you think, Whoopi, that it’s unfortunate that any woman should get it in her mind that it’s entirely up to her to keep her husband from cheating?

WHOOPI: I think it’s outrageous. It’s like saying you have to think about what you wear because it might be the blame for somebody raping you. It’s the same thing.

LIZ: Exactly. As if she was asking for it.

WHOOPI: I don’t understand how a halfway intelligent woman, like I think Laura Schlessinger is, she has to be halfway intelligent.

LIZ: Oh, she’s very intelligent, you know.

WHOOPI: Unless she’s just being provocative. In which case, since you don’t know what their relationship is, keep your provocative bullshit to yourself.

LIZ: Right. If Silda wanted to stay with him after all of this, I guess that’s her business. But, for her to accept the blame … We had one person write in yesterday to the wOw website saying that when he got up to apologize, she shouldn’t have stood with him. She should have gone and sat in the first row to see whether she would accept his apology.

WHOOPI: I like that.

LIZ: Women are always getting blamed for things. I’m certainly not a very good feminist myself, but, I see this ridiculous sexism everywhere I go.

WHOOPI: We allow certain things to go on, as women.

LIZ: That’s true.

WHOOPI: Why is no one is saying: ‘Hey, listen. You need to stop putting this on the hookers?’ Or, ‘Stop putting it on this person or that person. You need to put it on the man whose fault it is?’

LIZ: Exactly.

WHOOPI: This could not have happened without his sanction, you know. It would not have happened …

LIZ: That’s right. Remember the song “Girls Just Want to Have Fun?”

WHOOPI: Yes.

LIZ: Well, some men just want to have prostitutes. And they’re always going to do that because that’s what they want.

WHOOPI: Hey, I’m OK with men that … I’m a believer that we should legalize it.

LIZ: I agree. But the two things are different.

WHOOPI: Yes. But you have to explain to people that No. 1, we as women have to get over how we feel about prostitution because it’s not anything against us as women. Do you know what I mean? If your man goes to a prostitute it’s not because he doesn’t love you. It’s not because he doesn’t care for you or your family. I believe that is a safe way, in a man’s mind, to go get his rocks off. Now if he’s not honest enough to say to his wife, “Listen, this is what I’m doing,” because he knows if she says, “Well you can’t do that and be with me,” and she’s going to leave him.

LIZ: She could either cooperate with it or put up with it or not. And then she has an option. She isn’t just being humiliated.

WHOOPI: I listened to folks talk today about prostitutes, period. And trying to explain to people that they’re not the place to put your ire. That’s not the place to be pissed off at. The place to be pissed of at is the man who is going behind your back or your friends back and doing this and doesn’t have the balls to say, “Listen. I’m having something outside of our marriage. So here’s what you need to do. I’ve got myself checked. You need to get yourself checked.” That’s the angry part to me.

LIZ: Also, I think, if we’re realistic we know there always is going to be prostitution.

WHOOPI: Oh, God, yes. It’s the world’s oldest profession.

209 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

laura w.
No matter what did or didnt happen in the “marriage bed” of the Spitzer’s she is not to blame! One he did not deserve for her to stand there. She should have been at Home Depot during the press conference changing the locks. He didn’t just cheat he spent 80K on illegal activity! I would be more angry about that!
By laura w. on 03/13/2008 8:30 am
Laura Sanchez
I didn’t quite get why she was there standing by him… Do you think they were coached on it being “proper etiquette” ….TAMMY WYNETTE ringing in my ears … “stand by your man” … Why don’t we get passed the judgment and just wish them the best after, all there are always two sides to the story. May god bless them both and all others who have suffered through loss or affairs!! :)
By Laura Sanchez on 03/24/2008 10:31 pm
Elizabeth Dunkel
What is it with men and their totally insatiable pe****’s? I mean really.
By Elizabeth Dunkel on 03/13/2008 8:35 am
Genie Lee
I think that some men grow up thinking they have no control over their penis. So they have extra-marital affairs or go to prostitiutes. But I think there is a larger issue here. Why was Spitzer singled out? Was he not instrumental in investigating the mortgage banking industry as governor? Perhaps there is more here than meets the eye.
By Genie Lee on 03/17/2008 6:42 pm
saundra regan
Spitzer was singled out because he put himself in that posistion. People hate him Genie Lee. He made a lot of enimies amongst the powerful. He has been quoted as saying, “ethics and accountability must and will remain rigorous in my administration.” I guess he didn’t realize that meant him too.
By saundra regan on 03/18/2008 5:07 pm
Buh-Bye Hillary Hillary Buh-Bye
Genie Lee…there are many people who believe that Spitzer was a political hit, payback for his merciless prosecutions and making a raft of enemies in high places. http://miaculpa.blogspot.com/2008/03/republican-slime-machine-behind-spi… *Of course he made himself vulnerable by his pricey hobby and his sky-high hubris.
By Buh-Bye Hillary Hillary Buh-Bye on 03/26/2008 2:07 am
Marie McConnell
We shouldn’t blame the prostitutes-it takes two to tango as they say. Men are just as guilty. IF men would stay loyal to their partner-prostitutes wouldn’t be in that line of work. IF there were problems in the “marriage bed” then there should have been some therapy someplace. There had to be a reason. Spitzer’s wife had no other choice than to stand there. Much less pressure on the family.
By Marie McConnell on 03/13/2008 8:44 am
Sandi Silvia
Obviously Mr. Spitzer has some sexual issues he needs to address. To infer that his wife has any guilt in this devastating situation is deplorable. I feel for her and her children. I can only smile inwardly that his own investigation did him in.
By Sandi Silvia on 03/13/2008 8:45 am
Kay Sara
Whoopi - you are great! I love how you just don’t go along with mob mentality and have the gutts to tell it like you really see it. I appreciate you willingness to go against the group think when it happens on The View (i.e. when they were all ganging up on the poor parenting of teens getting pregnant - you had the gutts to stand up and say ‘hey wait a minute- I dealt with that…) We need your courage- keep speaking out. And thanks for supporting Hillary!!!
By Kay Sara on 03/13/2008 8:48 am
Addie Pray
Almost all politicans have mistresses - including, it’s said, McCain. Some also say that it’s why it’s time for a woman to be president. Testosterone surplus is probably what got the guys into politics in the first place. A wife is not enough to siphon it off. Typically (according to hookers) it’s the politicians who want to be spanked and punished! I bet Spitzer’s gonna get a home spanking now!
By Addie Pray on 03/13/2008 8:51 am
kat
dr. laura, if i remember correctly has had a multitude of relationship problems until she embraced her jewishness and kasruth laws, of which she claims turned her life around and is happy happy. While i think this is fabulous for her, her comments about blaming Silda Spitzer is ridiculous. It’s not all about HIM. What about if at her core, she found that some requests were totatlly distasteful, is she supposed to oblige. It may not even have been about the sex but, the power.
By kat on 03/13/2008 8:52 am
Elynne Chaplik-Aleskow
I agree with the wonderfully wise and insightful Whoopi. Dr. Laura is perpetuating stereotypes that keep women and men in the dark ages. Each human being is responsible for his and her own actions whether it is shooting a gun, raping or sexual cheating. The next thing I expect to hear from the so-called Dr. Laura is that his wife caused this because she did not cook his favorite dinner.
By Elynne Chaplik-Aleskow on 03/13/2008 8:55 am
Jami Christopher
I think that that is just like saying a woman causes her husband to beat her. That is just wrong and like abuse, I think some men are just born and raised and grow up to be abusers, porno addicts, and prostitute seekers. I actually know someone (not really a friend) who is in a relationship, supposedly pretty good relationship, who no matter how much sex he gets from his girlfriend, he still goes to the prostitutes and the strip clubs. I think it is in their jeans (genes).
By Jami Christopher on 03/13/2008 8:56 am
Bee Godfrey
Dr. Laura Schlessinger sounds as if she may be in serious need of some help and counselling! This is just another case of the woman being blamed because the man didn’t have the strength (or mental capacity) to make a decent and moral decision for himself. Reminds me of the story of an apple being offered and the weaker sex accepting. Placing the blame on another is just another sign of weakness. Does Dr. Schlessinger not believe in free will and in a person being responsibility for their own actions??
By Bee Godfrey on 03/13/2008 9:00 am
Dawn Miller
Having not been in her situation, I wouldn’t judge Sildas reasoning for standing next to him ( althought I do not feel he deserved that gesture) with there being so many wrongs in this situation the one that bothers me the most is thinking about his daughters having to face what dad has done to the family. Having been a Daddys girls my whole life and having 2 that live in my house now, I can’t imagine the hurt they must be in. Hopefully Silda and the girls are able to be strong and support each other through this.
By Dawn Miller on 03/13/2008 9:04 am