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Conversation | 03/12/2008 4:17 pm

Whoopi Goldberg to Dr. Laura: Are You Crazy? Don't Blame Eliot Spitzer's Wife

Governor Eliot Spitzer and his wife, Silda.
AP

The following conversation between Liz Smith and Whoopi Goldberg took place on March 12, 2008.

WHOOPI: I’m listening to people blame Eliot Spitzer’s wife. Dr. Laura Schlessinger intimates that it was maybe something lacking in his wife that would cause him to go do this. And I’m thinking, “Are you crazy?”

LIZ: She doesn’t say maybe. She says:“I do not know anything about their personal lives.” And then she says, “The point is, what she’s done is wrong.”

WHOOPI: Yes.

LIZ: Her quote is: “If a woman doesn’t make herself sexually perfect for the husband then she drives him away. And, poor thing, he has to go use prostitutes for $80,000.”

WHOOPI: So this is something the wife is not doing.

LIZ: She says that both spouses share the blame. Well there are plenty of people on [wowOwow.com] saying she’s full of it, including you and me.

WHOOPI: Yeah. I mean, it makes no sense.

LIZ: So Ann Curry, Dina Matos and Meredith Vieira, they all said, “But you’re saying the woman should feel guilty that they drove their husband to cheat?” And, I’ve read this story today, Whoopi, in the Daily News, a story about Mrs. Spitzer and she doesn’t sound like any body’s fool exactly. They say, “She doesn’t want to look at him. And if he doesn’t want to bear the look that she gives when she does look at him, they go to separate rooms.”

WHOOPI: This is much bigger deal because it’s him – specifically because it’s Eliot Spitzer. He’s not well liked. He’s not a liked person. He brought it on himself. You cannot prosecute prostitution rings and then think that no one is going to bust you if you’re participating.

LIZ: Well, it’s just the total hypocrisy of it is so shocking. He’s always been the white knight.

WHOOPI: Well that’s what he told everybody.

LIZ: He acted that way, too. He was sending them to jail for doing just what he did.

WHOOPI: And that is why a lot of this is going down the way that it is.

LIZ: Well, don’t you think, Whoopi, that it’s unfortunate that any woman should get it in her mind that it’s entirely up to her to keep her husband from cheating?

WHOOPI: I think it’s outrageous. It’s like saying you have to think about what you wear because it might be the blame for somebody raping you. It’s the same thing.

LIZ: Exactly. As if she was asking for it.

WHOOPI: I don’t understand how a halfway intelligent woman, like I think Laura Schlessinger is, she has to be halfway intelligent.

LIZ: Oh, she’s very intelligent, you know.

WHOOPI: Unless she’s just being provocative. In which case, since you don’t know what their relationship is, keep your provocative bullshit to yourself.

LIZ: Right. If Silda wanted to stay with him after all of this, I guess that’s her business. But, for her to accept the blame … We had one person write in yesterday to the wOw website saying that when he got up to apologize, she shouldn’t have stood with him. She should have gone and sat in the first row to see whether she would accept his apology.

WHOOPI: I like that.

LIZ: Women are always getting blamed for things. I’m certainly not a very good feminist myself, but, I see this ridiculous sexism everywhere I go.

WHOOPI: We allow certain things to go on, as women.

LIZ: That’s true.

WHOOPI: Why is no one is saying: ‘Hey, listen. You need to stop putting this on the hookers?’ Or, ‘Stop putting it on this person or that person. You need to put it on the man whose fault it is?’

LIZ: Exactly.

WHOOPI: This could not have happened without his sanction, you know. It would not have happened …

LIZ: That’s right. Remember the song “Girls Just Want to Have Fun?”

WHOOPI: Yes.

LIZ: Well, some men just want to have prostitutes. And they’re always going to do that because that’s what they want.

WHOOPI: Hey, I’m OK with men that … I’m a believer that we should legalize it.

LIZ: I agree. But the two things are different.

WHOOPI: Yes. But you have to explain to people that No. 1, we as women have to get over how we feel about prostitution because it’s not anything against us as women. Do you know what I mean? If your man goes to a prostitute it’s not because he doesn’t love you. It’s not because he doesn’t care for you or your family. I believe that is a safe way, in a man’s mind, to go get his rocks off. Now if he’s not honest enough to say to his wife, “Listen, this is what I’m doing,” because he knows if she says, “Well you can’t do that and be with me,” and she’s going to leave him.

LIZ: She could either cooperate with it or put up with it or not. And then she has an option. She isn’t just being humiliated.

WHOOPI: I listened to folks talk today about prostitutes, period. And trying to explain to people that they’re not the place to put your ire. That’s not the place to be pissed off at. The place to be pissed of at is the man who is going behind your back or your friends back and doing this and doesn’t have the balls to say, “Listen. I’m having something outside of our marriage. So here’s what you need to do. I’ve got myself checked. You need to get yourself checked.” That’s the angry part to me.

LIZ: Also, I think, if we’re realistic we know there always is going to be prostitution.

WHOOPI: Oh, God, yes. It’s the world’s oldest profession.

209 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Upanaway
I don’t hear Dr. L. period. It still shocks me that educated, supposedly responsible homo sapiens would involve themselves in others private lives. If Spitzer violated a law, he should be made to answer for his crime(s), but right now, who knows. That family is merely fodder for the unleashed egos of the masses.
By Upanaway on 03/18/2008 8:53 am
Ann Nolan
I am so tired of people saying it must be because of the spouse. It is like blaming PMS everytime a women is in a bad mood.
By Ann Nolan on 03/18/2008 11:05 am
peggie mattutat
you go whoopi your honesty is so charming.. this behavior is older than dirt with men. but when in public office you sure realize that you are a target to begin with.. we all have secrets some worse than others this does not make it right but to blame another woman for a mans actions is totally ridiculous.. how does a 60ish woman compete with a 20 year old and why should we.. but apparently this man has a DISEASE and it is not his wife? Treatment instead of BLAME
By peggie mattutat on 03/18/2008 4:38 pm
Jackpot  009
WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT FOR MEN TO OWN UP ? TO ANYTHING…. WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR OWN ACTIONS? ELIOT IS REALLY JUST A JERK….I MEAN HE’S REALLY NOT THAT GOOD LOOKING, HE POUTS LIKE A CHILD. HE’S TOTALLY ARROGANT, AND WHY….I’M GUESSING POWER AND MONEY…. MONEY AND POWER IS THE PERFECT MALE APHRODESIAC, WHICH IN THEIR MIND ENTITLES THEM TO MUCH UNATTRACTIVE BEHAVIOR….
By Jackpot 009 on 03/18/2008 6:02 pm
Upanaway
The same reason that GW got into the White House - unmittigated gall - and we let it happen because somehow women still perceive themselves as needing to be “lady-like” but that’s just a sick ego expressing sick inputs. We populate the earth, good gravy, and, well, read Nikki Giovanni, aloud, pacing, and you’ll end up sceaming her words as you pace…you will then be free, and won’t let any jerk walk on you, or anyone else perceived to be less, ever again. This has got to stop.
By Upanaway on 03/18/2008 9:05 pm
Xanadu Xero
I just know y’all will get a near-surgical lift from my piece: DR. STRANGELOVE: THE NOTORIOUS LAURA SCHLESSINGER http://xanaduxero.blogspot.com/2007/11/dr-strangelove-notorious-laura.ht…
By Xanadu Xero on 03/18/2008 9:25 pm
Amy Van Cleave
He wanted to be govenor, she married into as for the childrens were born into it, He did not even look at her standing there. No PR firm could make me go out there, to”stand by you’re man”. AMY VAN CLEAVE
By Amy Van Cleave on 03/19/2008 7:35 pm
Joy  Appleton
What is the matter with the wives that stand by their men that get caught cheating? Just once I would like to see the news photo of the man confessing his sins with a white space in the shape of a woman next to him. And the blurb would read,”The wife is not standing by her man. She is home having the locks changed, putting her husband’s clothes and personal items in his car and setting it on FIRE! Come on wives, where is the outrage? What kind of example are you setting?
By Joy Appleton on 03/20/2008 1:05 pm
Pam D
Some men, feel the need for a pro, as they don’t feel it is something that they can do with their wives. The wife shouldn’t be blamed for what goes on in her husband’s mind. Pam / Oldsmar FL
By Pam D on 03/21/2008 9:50 pm
Upanaway
I’m with the group that doesn’t know enough about Silda Prizer’s situation, or his, in their marriage. Certainly, they’ve born the brunt of gossip before, had to stand together before in the face of public pressure, so with this present sitaution it may have been a very short time (when she apparently “found out [if that was true]) and shock prevailed. If I’ve learned one thing about life, it’s that I cannot predict how I will act in any given situation; believe me, I’ve tried, and failed in front of the NYC police, my spouse, and children — a most embarrasing experience. And, I still believe, in my little girl heart, that I know myself. I don’t, when the adrenalin is pumping me into hell. So I believe, for now at least, Silda Pitzer deserve our empathy, for where she is emotionally at any given time; it’s really not our business, nor should we rake her over the coals for something about which we know nothing at all. As I stated before, I am not impressed with that Dr. Laura, well, wasn’t the first and last time I was exposed to her incipid remarks, and abusive comments to her callers; she apparently hasn’t changed — does she wave the Bible in her listeners ears, too?
By Upanaway on 03/22/2008 8:09 pm
Buh-Bye Hillary Hillary Buh-Bye
Silda Spitzer is not responsible for another adult’s behavior. My response to seeing her next to him was that she just created an image that will live in perpetuity. I would have stayed home and called the divorce lawyers and changed the locks. She deserves better than serial betrayal by a husband who demanded unprotected sex with prostitutes and who dragged her before the world’s cameras shocked, humiliated and unprotected all over again.
By Buh-Bye Hillary Hillary Buh-Bye on 03/23/2008 3:25 am
Byrdie Van Doorn
I agree Dr. Laura is misguided. Yes there is two sides to every story however nothing excuses the fact that Spitzer potentailly placed his wife health in jeopardy by engaging in unsafe sexual pratices with a call girl. That is what I would be most concerned about…I hope she is getting every test under the sun.
By Byrdie Van Doorn on 03/24/2008 1:36 pm
M DeMer
I didn’t hear Dr. Laura, but I know sometimes she says something sarcastic and everyone quotes it as if she really meant it as advice. My guess is she was either being mocking of the situation or just attempting to get her ratings up. In any case, whatever Dr. L. says should mean nothing to Silda or any of us who have lived life long enough to empathize with the situation.
By M DeMer on 03/24/2008 7:45 pm
Karen Perry
I would never blame his wife, this man was unfaithful to his wife. He betrayed her!! I commend her for sticking with him, she is a better woman than I would be.
By Karen Perry on 03/25/2008 12:34 pm
Debbie Nunez
Dr. Laura is living in some other era. Her audience are stay at home mommies who put their husbands on a pedestal and serve him in every way possible. Sorry - that isn’t my idea of marriage in the 21st Century. Spitzer did what he did because he could. His wife had nothing to do with it. He made the decision to pay big bucks to screw a very young girl. It’s not the wife’s fault nor the prostitute’s fault. It’s HIS fault. He is a hypocritical egomaniac. Bottom line, for powerful men getting a prostitute is like masturbation for rich people. End of story. Silda should leave him, she probably won’t and that is her choice. I’d pay big bucks to watch him explain to his three daughters why he did what he did to their mother and to them by humiliating them all with this stupid act.
By Debbie Nunez on 03/27/2008 4:30 pm