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Conversation | 03/12/2008 4:17 pm

Whoopi Goldberg to Dr. Laura: Are You Crazy? Don't Blame Eliot Spitzer's Wife

Governor Eliot Spitzer and his wife, Silda.
AP

The following conversation between Liz Smith and Whoopi Goldberg took place on March 12, 2008.

WHOOPI: I’m listening to people blame Eliot Spitzer’s wife. Dr. Laura Schlessinger intimates that it was maybe something lacking in his wife that would cause him to go do this. And I’m thinking, “Are you crazy?”

LIZ: She doesn’t say maybe. She says:“I do not know anything about their personal lives.” And then she says, “The point is, what she’s done is wrong.”

WHOOPI: Yes.

LIZ: Her quote is: “If a woman doesn’t make herself sexually perfect for the husband then she drives him away. And, poor thing, he has to go use prostitutes for $80,000.”

WHOOPI: So this is something the wife is not doing.

LIZ: She says that both spouses share the blame. Well there are plenty of people on [wowOwow.com] saying she’s full of it, including you and me.

WHOOPI: Yeah. I mean, it makes no sense.

LIZ: So Ann Curry, Dina Matos and Meredith Vieira, they all said, “But you’re saying the woman should feel guilty that they drove their husband to cheat?” And, I’ve read this story today, Whoopi, in the Daily News, a story about Mrs. Spitzer and she doesn’t sound like any body’s fool exactly. They say, “She doesn’t want to look at him. And if he doesn’t want to bear the look that she gives when she does look at him, they go to separate rooms.”

WHOOPI: This is much bigger deal because it’s him – specifically because it’s Eliot Spitzer. He’s not well liked. He’s not a liked person. He brought it on himself. You cannot prosecute prostitution rings and then think that no one is going to bust you if you’re participating.

LIZ: Well, it’s just the total hypocrisy of it is so shocking. He’s always been the white knight.

WHOOPI: Well that’s what he told everybody.

LIZ: He acted that way, too. He was sending them to jail for doing just what he did.

WHOOPI: And that is why a lot of this is going down the way that it is.

LIZ: Well, don’t you think, Whoopi, that it’s unfortunate that any woman should get it in her mind that it’s entirely up to her to keep her husband from cheating?

WHOOPI: I think it’s outrageous. It’s like saying you have to think about what you wear because it might be the blame for somebody raping you. It’s the same thing.

LIZ: Exactly. As if she was asking for it.

WHOOPI: I don’t understand how a halfway intelligent woman, like I think Laura Schlessinger is, she has to be halfway intelligent.

LIZ: Oh, she’s very intelligent, you know.

WHOOPI: Unless she’s just being provocative. In which case, since you don’t know what their relationship is, keep your provocative bullshit to yourself.

LIZ: Right. If Silda wanted to stay with him after all of this, I guess that’s her business. But, for her to accept the blame … We had one person write in yesterday to the wOw website saying that when he got up to apologize, she shouldn’t have stood with him. She should have gone and sat in the first row to see whether she would accept his apology.

WHOOPI: I like that.

LIZ: Women are always getting blamed for things. I’m certainly not a very good feminist myself, but, I see this ridiculous sexism everywhere I go.

WHOOPI: We allow certain things to go on, as women.

LIZ: That’s true.

WHOOPI: Why is no one is saying: ‘Hey, listen. You need to stop putting this on the hookers?’ Or, ‘Stop putting it on this person or that person. You need to put it on the man whose fault it is?’

LIZ: Exactly.

WHOOPI: This could not have happened without his sanction, you know. It would not have happened …

LIZ: That’s right. Remember the song “Girls Just Want to Have Fun?”

WHOOPI: Yes.

LIZ: Well, some men just want to have prostitutes. And they’re always going to do that because that’s what they want.

WHOOPI: Hey, I’m OK with men that … I’m a believer that we should legalize it.

LIZ: I agree. But the two things are different.

WHOOPI: Yes. But you have to explain to people that No. 1, we as women have to get over how we feel about prostitution because it’s not anything against us as women. Do you know what I mean? If your man goes to a prostitute it’s not because he doesn’t love you. It’s not because he doesn’t care for you or your family. I believe that is a safe way, in a man’s mind, to go get his rocks off. Now if he’s not honest enough to say to his wife, “Listen, this is what I’m doing,” because he knows if she says, “Well you can’t do that and be with me,” and she’s going to leave him.

LIZ: She could either cooperate with it or put up with it or not. And then she has an option. She isn’t just being humiliated.

WHOOPI: I listened to folks talk today about prostitutes, period. And trying to explain to people that they’re not the place to put your ire. That’s not the place to be pissed off at. The place to be pissed of at is the man who is going behind your back or your friends back and doing this and doesn’t have the balls to say, “Listen. I’m having something outside of our marriage. So here’s what you need to do. I’ve got myself checked. You need to get yourself checked.” That’s the angry part to me.

LIZ: Also, I think, if we’re realistic we know there always is going to be prostitution.

WHOOPI: Oh, God, yes. It’s the world’s oldest profession.

209 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

june clark
It simply makes me want to weep that after all we’ve been through, not only are we still being blamed, but that women are mouthing the blame. It’s beyond comprehension. Unless, of course as has been mentioned, this is just a ploy for coverage. We must be careful and try not to aid in these transparent strategies for attention. A huge thank you and best wishes to you, Whoopi.
By june clark on 03/13/2008 10:24 am
Upanaway
It seems that many women, people in general perhaps, choose to be “nice,” and considerate, and not make any one angry. Our government’s been abusing us, corporations do the same, and we abuse each other, and with our financial situation in America right now literally siphoning off our savings, income, assets, and plans for our lives, everyone still tries to “be nice” but in the process women like Spitzer’s wife remind so many women of themselves, they can only lash back at her — it’s not that unusual but the dynamic is difficult for most people to grasp, if they have the time and money to “fix it.”
By Upanaway on 03/21/2008 1:35 am
Donna W.
Same here Rita. Fifteen years with my first husband produced over 30 “relationships” with other women for him. My fault, not hardly all though I did blame myself in the earlier years. He did admit he had a “weakness”, y’think?! Got rid of him about 24 years ago, been with a good and faithful man since!
By Donna W. on 03/13/2008 10:25 am
Ginger Richardson
Now I’m reading that Mr. Spitzer, the little weasel, is trying to avoid prosecution for portions of the charges against him. Specifically, he doesn’t want to be prosecuted for paying for sex. During his tenure as attorney general, the one thing he pushed for the most was firmer prosecution against public officials, less leniency based on your position of power. And now that he’s in the hot seat, he wants to back pedal.
By Ginger Richardson on 03/13/2008 10:26 am
IAM Woman
I’ve always believed and have taught my son and daughter that we are all responsible for our own actions. If you think that way, it is more difficult to play the blame game because the only person you can blame for the things you “choose” to do is you. You choose to do something; therefore you own it. The Governor chose to sleep with prostitutes; therefore he owns it!
By IAM Woman on 03/13/2008 10:39 am
Brenda Ferreira
Put him behind bars, where he deserves to be, isn’t that what the law does when they do a sting on the Johns? Why do we women allow ourselves to be the victim of blame when this sort of thing happens, to hell with that mind set, We women sell ourselves short, thinking that we deserve this, NO we don’t!!!! Behind bars I’m sure he’ll get his needs met, without having to dish out the 80k!!!!
By Brenda Ferreira on 03/13/2008 11:03 am
Beth Allen
Dr. Laura is in love with the sound of her own voice. She’s an actress, not a doctor. She’s just trying to get more people to listen to her radio show. I’d rather have the measles than listen to that screeching voice. And how can she, or anybody, know what goes on in the Spitzer marriage? Spitzer screwed up and needs to accept responsibility for his actions.
By Beth Allen on 03/13/2008 11:14 am
Susan B
For eons, society has turned a blind eye to the injustice of blaming women for prostitution, and the sooner our culture begins openly admitting the hypocrisy, the better off humanity will be. What that means, is that more high-profile cads need to be caught with their pants down, as it were. Yes it’s a media circus, but that’s also how we become comfortable enough to conduct an honest dialogue on a grand scale — and begin to turn cultural attitudes in a new direction. I’m not advocating a warlock hunt, but we need to hang more guys like Spitzer out to dry. Dr. Laura’s ridiculous opinion only stokes our outrage. We’re having a great conversation here, and I imagine there’s also a tremendous amount of unspoken inner reflection happening, too. Bring it on!
By Susan B on 03/13/2008 11:14 am
mary dunkley
I am so sick of people blaming someone else for Spitzer’s extra curricular activities. He did plain and simple and its his own fault for doing it. Not his wife, not his life, not his kids, not anyone or anything else.
By mary dunkley on 03/13/2008 11:27 am
Render Vixen
When I was divorced several years ago, a sweet 80+ year old friend of the family tried to accuse me of being frigid (and thus being the root cause of our relational problems). She so obviously had no clue why we separated, and made the same ignorant assumption that Dr.Laura (and others on this website) made about Silda! I replied to her by chuckling and saying “Hmmm, I wonder whether I was a little too wild for him… he really seemed to enjoy it whenever I jumped him… no, wait, he told our marriage counselor Point Blank that he was absolutely satisfied with our love life. Whew! You know, if he hadn’t done that, I would probably have made the same stupid assumption myself!” It was a very satisfying way to deflect the embarrassment back to where it belonged. =)
By Render Vixen on 03/13/2008 11:31 am
Carol  Twinkles
Honestly, this is a LOL. Dr Laura has gone off the deep end! She should be ashamed of herself. I agree that she needs some kind of intervention, like a new mind. The bottom line is that Spitzer broke the law. I don’t care if the guy sleeps with prostitutes or practices safe sex! I do care that Mr Spitzer is a public servant who is a lier and dishonest and thinks he is smart enough to weasel his way out of this. Why is it that we feel the need to be the moral judge of other peoples sex lives? Its none of our business. Life is full of choices————-He made the wrong choice and now should pay for his mistakes.
By Carol Twinkles on 03/13/2008 11:38 am
Sharon Cooper
Wouldn’t it be interesting if this situation was reversed? What if Mrs. Spitzer had been governor and had been caught up in a male prostitution ring? Would people be defending her by suggesting that something was lacking sexually in the marriage with Mr. Spitzer? I doubt it. People would probably call her a whore, an unfaithful wife, and a poor mother. So much for Dr. Laura’s opinion. I hope Mrs. Spitzer knows that many women understand her pain, admire her strength, and support her in whatever decision she makes concerning her marriage. Although many of us are of the opinion that she should tell him to take a hike, how she handles this situation is a personal decision that only she can make. I wish her strength and clarity in the coming days.
By Sharon Cooper on 03/13/2008 11:38 am
theCHEROKEErose
my first husband (who i have managed to outlive…YAY!!!) was the same way…apparently starting 5 minutes after we were married, he resumed his skirt chasing..(he was only 18 and i was 20..yes, i know it was INSANE…i had my first son at 21)we lived in a part of new jersey close to NYC…he used them all, black, white, yellow etc..its a wonder i have survived this long without some type of really serious STD..that was back in the 70’s when we were still oblivious about HIV….and, there were no womens shelters..the police didnt care…needless to say his behavior, including beating me, traumatized his son across HIS life..he is 40 and has the mind of a child….after 10 years of this treatment, i finally wised up and got the gumption to end it…have been married to a great guy for nearly 30 years…why didnt i find HIM the first time around…
By theCHEROKEErose on 03/13/2008 11:39 am
Christine Storma
Whoever said Dr. Laura was an authority? Why would anyone pay much attention to anything she said? Unless Silda said, “I am tired of being with you, get a hooker and here is $3500 to do it,” she has no blame here. This is a man who thought he was so powerful and above reproach that he could do anything. Men like him never have enough. It does not matter who they are married to.
By Christine Storma on 03/13/2008 11:41 am
Kathie LaShell
I was taught to believe that each person is responsible for their own actions! How can anyone imply that a wife drives her husband to a prostitute? If he is unhappy, then he had the option to leave the relationship. No one person, can ever control the actions of another. Kathie LaShell
By Kathie LaShell on 03/13/2008 11:45 am