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Conversation | 03/12/2008 4:17 pm

Whoopi Goldberg to Dr. Laura: Are You Crazy? Don't Blame Eliot Spitzer's Wife

Governor Eliot Spitzer and his wife, Silda.
AP

The following conversation between Liz Smith and Whoopi Goldberg took place on March 12, 2008.

WHOOPI: I’m listening to people blame Eliot Spitzer’s wife. Dr. Laura Schlessinger intimates that it was maybe something lacking in his wife that would cause him to go do this. And I’m thinking, “Are you crazy?”

LIZ: She doesn’t say maybe. She says:“I do not know anything about their personal lives.” And then she says, “The point is, what she’s done is wrong.”

WHOOPI: Yes.

LIZ: Her quote is: “If a woman doesn’t make herself sexually perfect for the husband then she drives him away. And, poor thing, he has to go use prostitutes for $80,000.”

WHOOPI: So this is something the wife is not doing.

LIZ: She says that both spouses share the blame. Well there are plenty of people on [wowOwow.com] saying she’s full of it, including you and me.

WHOOPI: Yeah. I mean, it makes no sense.

LIZ: So Ann Curry, Dina Matos and Meredith Vieira, they all said, “But you’re saying the woman should feel guilty that they drove their husband to cheat?” And, I’ve read this story today, Whoopi, in the Daily News, a story about Mrs. Spitzer and she doesn’t sound like any body’s fool exactly. They say, “She doesn’t want to look at him. And if he doesn’t want to bear the look that she gives when she does look at him, they go to separate rooms.”

WHOOPI: This is much bigger deal because it’s him – specifically because it’s Eliot Spitzer. He’s not well liked. He’s not a liked person. He brought it on himself. You cannot prosecute prostitution rings and then think that no one is going to bust you if you’re participating.

LIZ: Well, it’s just the total hypocrisy of it is so shocking. He’s always been the white knight.

WHOOPI: Well that’s what he told everybody.

LIZ: He acted that way, too. He was sending them to jail for doing just what he did.

WHOOPI: And that is why a lot of this is going down the way that it is.

LIZ: Well, don’t you think, Whoopi, that it’s unfortunate that any woman should get it in her mind that it’s entirely up to her to keep her husband from cheating?

WHOOPI: I think it’s outrageous. It’s like saying you have to think about what you wear because it might be the blame for somebody raping you. It’s the same thing.

LIZ: Exactly. As if she was asking for it.

WHOOPI: I don’t understand how a halfway intelligent woman, like I think Laura Schlessinger is, she has to be halfway intelligent.

LIZ: Oh, she’s very intelligent, you know.

WHOOPI: Unless she’s just being provocative. In which case, since you don’t know what their relationship is, keep your provocative bullshit to yourself.

LIZ: Right. If Silda wanted to stay with him after all of this, I guess that’s her business. But, for her to accept the blame … We had one person write in yesterday to the wOw website saying that when he got up to apologize, she shouldn’t have stood with him. She should have gone and sat in the first row to see whether she would accept his apology.

WHOOPI: I like that.

LIZ: Women are always getting blamed for things. I’m certainly not a very good feminist myself, but, I see this ridiculous sexism everywhere I go.

WHOOPI: We allow certain things to go on, as women.

LIZ: That’s true.

WHOOPI: Why is no one is saying: ‘Hey, listen. You need to stop putting this on the hookers?’ Or, ‘Stop putting it on this person or that person. You need to put it on the man whose fault it is?’

LIZ: Exactly.

WHOOPI: This could not have happened without his sanction, you know. It would not have happened …

LIZ: That’s right. Remember the song “Girls Just Want to Have Fun?”

WHOOPI: Yes.

LIZ: Well, some men just want to have prostitutes. And they’re always going to do that because that’s what they want.

WHOOPI: Hey, I’m OK with men that … I’m a believer that we should legalize it.

LIZ: I agree. But the two things are different.

WHOOPI: Yes. But you have to explain to people that No. 1, we as women have to get over how we feel about prostitution because it’s not anything against us as women. Do you know what I mean? If your man goes to a prostitute it’s not because he doesn’t love you. It’s not because he doesn’t care for you or your family. I believe that is a safe way, in a man’s mind, to go get his rocks off. Now if he’s not honest enough to say to his wife, “Listen, this is what I’m doing,” because he knows if she says, “Well you can’t do that and be with me,” and she’s going to leave him.

LIZ: She could either cooperate with it or put up with it or not. And then she has an option. She isn’t just being humiliated.

WHOOPI: I listened to folks talk today about prostitutes, period. And trying to explain to people that they’re not the place to put your ire. That’s not the place to be pissed off at. The place to be pissed of at is the man who is going behind your back or your friends back and doing this and doesn’t have the balls to say, “Listen. I’m having something outside of our marriage. So here’s what you need to do. I’ve got myself checked. You need to get yourself checked.” That’s the angry part to me.

LIZ: Also, I think, if we’re realistic we know there always is going to be prostitution.

WHOOPI: Oh, God, yes. It’s the world’s oldest profession.

209 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Rochelle S.
Who cares what Dr. Laura says to jack up her ratings? Let’s hear from Silda or one of her friends. The hooker’s name and address is all over the news today but no one is talking about Silda. I hear she’s pretty cool.
By Rochelle S. on 03/13/2008 1:36 pm
Barb C
I hope this doesn’t double post! Well now what I say is that we need more men to use as sex toys, and see how our husbands stand by our sides. *BIG GRIN* Really though I have a good man, he wouldn’t dare. He knows I would do the Lauren Bobbit. :)
By Barb C on 03/13/2008 1:42 pm
Heidi Cindy
I do wonder how Dr. Laura feels about personal responsibility, and a persons being accountable for his/her own actions. I feel for Mrs. Spitzer. It’s difficult enough for her without Dr. Laura’s imput.
By Heidi Cindy on 03/13/2008 1:56 pm
DEBORAH DAVIS
I’m just down right insulted by Laura~ I have walked in the wifes shoes but fortunatly for me I didn’t have to have my life examined by the world. This man is a sex addict…hello Laura they take risks~this man as mine not only took a risk with his career but played Russian roulette with his life AND his wifes life.He had no right to to play games in that department. Apparently Laura has never treated anyone with this issue.No matter if she was doing all the RIGHT things it is a thrill to get away with something.There was nothing she coulddo to stop him. This entire thing has just brought back pain into my life as I am sure it has a bizillion other women who are now “responsible ” for their mates poor judgement. The wife and children now bear the burden~his daughters will have a difficult time trusting men and his wife will NEVER have peace as there will always be triggers in this fiasco. LET’S PUT THE BLAME WHERE IT BELONGSIN ELLIOTS LAP!
By DEBORAH DAVIS on 03/13/2008 1:58 pm
M. G.
Give your husband sex or you are going to lose him. Don’t we have more faith in our husbands than that? I have health problems and I hope that my husband respects me enough to stay faithful to me if sex is not an every day thing for us. It is not and never will be. There is more to marriage and committment in life besides sex. Sex is the icing on the cake. Sometimes you get cake without the icing. So far we have been married for 36 years.
By M. G. on 03/13/2008 2:07 pm
Lady Gator
In the first place who in the h—- cares what Dr. Laura thinks? That broad used to be on a local station here for a few months. There were so many people calling in to report that she was a “nut case” that they cancelled her show. What a relief!!!!!!!!
By Lady Gator on 03/13/2008 2:14 pm
Diane Noble
All I can say is I don’t want to live my married life or my daughters live thiers with the idea that if our husband makes a personal choice without my knowledge it is somehow my fault. I may be considered when he makes his choices, but they reflect on him more than me.
By Diane Noble on 03/13/2008 2:52 pm
cath c
hey, if you go far back enough, to the temples of aphrodite, bathesheba, etc - going to the priestesses of the temples were a form of worshipping the goddess. when our ancient societies respected the feminine side of spirituality, there was not a perversion element to sensuality. only by casting out the feminine principal from religion (father son and holy what?) and perverting perceptions of what feminity is, ie: not power, but weakness meant to be over powered, do we have the problems of sexuality across societies that we have today, from female genitial mutilation is some cultures, to rape, date rape, flashings of britney parts, the acceptance of “ho-s” as an ok term for a rapper or a igh schooler, and so much more. Spitzer’s , among other men’s problems with desensualizing religious and spiritual views is that it demonizes some women, virginizes other, and the twain shall never meet. therefore we get all this secrecy and shame around sexuality and aroud women. out of this de-feminized spirituality of the major western religions comes the dichotomy. remember, it was a bunch of old men only whose approval of the major books bible, torah, koran were allowed. how many versions have twisted the original intents of the religions? right thru guttenberg and king james widely accepted versions of first mass printed bibles. ever since men wanted to overturned the matrilineal societies, we’ve have problems. the great mystery of childbirth was so powerful to the early men, that they decided they had to overpower us. it ain’t penis envy, dudes, it’s womb envy that’s at the heart of all your troubles, you like to blame us for! and look, it’s been so long, so many of us hop on that bandwagon, eh, dr. laura?
By cath c on 03/13/2008 3:49 pm
Buh-Bye Hillary Hillary Buh-Bye
Right on, Cath. Every female should read “The Chalice and The Blade” Riane Eisler……and know about archetypes…if not wanting to go back to Plato’s “Forms” on which Jungian psy is based….then “The Goddesses in Every Woman” by Dr. Jean Bolen…
By Buh-Bye Hillary Hillary Buh-Bye on 03/26/2008 2:50 am
Jane C
Thank you for creating a place for me! I have always said that the internet seems geared to the young and now you have created my dream. A place to see, be seen and learn about the over 50 crowd. I’m 64 and always looking to improve myself and the world around me. Jane C
By Jane C on 03/13/2008 3:50 pm
Lorri richards
right on that some found Dr. Laura to be a nut case. She is possibly using a thinly disguised radical-conservative-religious view wen she talks about women making themselves perfect and available, Last I heard her on the View, se snuck in a Praise the balh blah, and not as a figure of speech; she has some of these opinions. It is never the vife’s responsibility what the husband does. The percentage of women who are in denial or UN counscious approval of the relief that comes from letting the husband seem happy, is 100%. Which does not last of course. One reason (the only potential negative) that she stands by him is well, she could be acting/thinking as an attorney. His attorney. Power is shared by both partners in a way; as is money. However she is a very accomplished individual and no one knows her motives. Dr Laura continues to be a hyper-conservative irrational nut. Her old show used to wake me out of a deep snooze with her total inconsistencies.
By Lorri richards on 03/13/2008 4:14 pm
Dannie Pipes
I fianally made the break after 34 years of lies, cheating and “I ‘m sorry.” No one should judge his wife if they haven’t walked in her shoes.I almost succumbed to accepting responsibility for what I perceive to be my deficiencies-these guys are skilled at turning “the blame” on everyone but themselves. It comes down to this-if a “man” can lie to his wife and children, how on earth can he be trusted to have any ethical or moral judgement? Trust me there is no way to measure the amount of pain and damage this man has done to anyone who has trusted him. I hope his wife can maintain her sanity and her dignity-I know from experience it is taking every bit of strength she has just to survive.
By Dannie Pipes on 03/13/2008 4:42 pm
Karen Batchelor
Could it be that Spitzer just has a predilection for prostitutes, Dr. Laura? It’s not like this was one incident—it was a pattern, a practice of him not just going outside his marriage for sex but of him wanting sex acts for money. I just don’t see how that’s Silda’s fault. But I bet why he did it is the question that’s on her mind 24/7. Do you really ever want to hear the answer? What an ugly Q&A.
By Karen Batchelor on 03/13/2008 5:05 pm
New York Woman
Remember the saying: “There but for the grace of God go you or I.” - I don’t think anyone should sit in judgment of Silda Spitzer. Who knows what’s really going on in their home right now? Who knows what’s in that poor woman’s heart or mind? Maybe she stood next to him because she was told to, maybe she’s in such shock that she has no idea what she’s doing, or maybe she simply wanted a front row seat to watch him up close and personal as he squirmed at the podium under her hurt and watchful eyes? Blaming her for HIS indescretions is ridiculous and cruel. The fact of the matter is that some people are very adept at deceit. The sanctimonious Governor sure had a whole state fooled. Isn’t it possible he fooled her too? Maybe she trusted him? Maybe she thought highly of him? Maybe she couldn’t imagine that he’d put his entire career, reputation, and family on the line for the sake of cheezy pleasure? I’ve heard Dr. Laura dole out some REALLY bad advice over the years, and her take on this situation is nothing but short-sided and archaic! It’s a known fact that a cheating spouse is usually attempting to fill an emptiness or satisfy a need that can not be filled by anyone else, OR they are simply sociopathic and lack a sense of comittment that would supercede their own ego. And in the case of Mr. Spitzer, I’d say it’s probably EGO with all capital letters!!!
By New York Woman on 03/13/2008 5:23 pm
fancy nancy
most everyone agrees - this isn’t about the woman - that anyone could even think about blaming the wife is ridiculous. Does that mean that if a woman is sick it gives her husband the right to go to prostitutes? A marriage should be a partnership and to blame someone’s ostensible inadequacy for another’s immorality is beyond reproach. What none of us know is what kind of marriage they really had and what kind of arrangement they had. Maybe she knew and just wanted him to be sure not to let anyone know - how’s that for a theory. But regardless it really is none of our business although I can’t stop watching - like a train wreck.
By fancy nancy on 03/13/2008 6:14 pm