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Conversation | 03/12/2008 4:17 pm

Whoopi Goldberg to Dr. Laura: Are You Crazy? Don't Blame Eliot Spitzer's Wife

Governor Eliot Spitzer and his wife, Silda.
AP

The following conversation between Liz Smith and Whoopi Goldberg took place on March 12, 2008.

WHOOPI: I’m listening to people blame Eliot Spitzer’s wife. Dr. Laura Schlessinger intimates that it was maybe something lacking in his wife that would cause him to go do this. And I’m thinking, “Are you crazy?”

LIZ: She doesn’t say maybe. She says:“I do not know anything about their personal lives.” And then she says, “The point is, what she’s done is wrong.”

WHOOPI: Yes.

LIZ: Her quote is: “If a woman doesn’t make herself sexually perfect for the husband then she drives him away. And, poor thing, he has to go use prostitutes for $80,000.”

WHOOPI: So this is something the wife is not doing.

LIZ: She says that both spouses share the blame. Well there are plenty of people on [wowOwow.com] saying she’s full of it, including you and me.

WHOOPI: Yeah. I mean, it makes no sense.

LIZ: So Ann Curry, Dina Matos and Meredith Vieira, they all said, “But you’re saying the woman should feel guilty that they drove their husband to cheat?” And, I’ve read this story today, Whoopi, in the Daily News, a story about Mrs. Spitzer and she doesn’t sound like any body’s fool exactly. They say, “She doesn’t want to look at him. And if he doesn’t want to bear the look that she gives when she does look at him, they go to separate rooms.”

WHOOPI: This is much bigger deal because it’s him – specifically because it’s Eliot Spitzer. He’s not well liked. He’s not a liked person. He brought it on himself. You cannot prosecute prostitution rings and then think that no one is going to bust you if you’re participating.

LIZ: Well, it’s just the total hypocrisy of it is so shocking. He’s always been the white knight.

WHOOPI: Well that’s what he told everybody.

LIZ: He acted that way, too. He was sending them to jail for doing just what he did.

WHOOPI: And that is why a lot of this is going down the way that it is.

LIZ: Well, don’t you think, Whoopi, that it’s unfortunate that any woman should get it in her mind that it’s entirely up to her to keep her husband from cheating?

WHOOPI: I think it’s outrageous. It’s like saying you have to think about what you wear because it might be the blame for somebody raping you. It’s the same thing.

LIZ: Exactly. As if she was asking for it.

WHOOPI: I don’t understand how a halfway intelligent woman, like I think Laura Schlessinger is, she has to be halfway intelligent.

LIZ: Oh, she’s very intelligent, you know.

WHOOPI: Unless she’s just being provocative. In which case, since you don’t know what their relationship is, keep your provocative bullshit to yourself.

LIZ: Right. If Silda wanted to stay with him after all of this, I guess that’s her business. But, for her to accept the blame … We had one person write in yesterday to the wOw website saying that when he got up to apologize, she shouldn’t have stood with him. She should have gone and sat in the first row to see whether she would accept his apology.

WHOOPI: I like that.

LIZ: Women are always getting blamed for things. I’m certainly not a very good feminist myself, but, I see this ridiculous sexism everywhere I go.

WHOOPI: We allow certain things to go on, as women.

LIZ: That’s true.

WHOOPI: Why is no one is saying: ‘Hey, listen. You need to stop putting this on the hookers?’ Or, ‘Stop putting it on this person or that person. You need to put it on the man whose fault it is?’

LIZ: Exactly.

WHOOPI: This could not have happened without his sanction, you know. It would not have happened …

LIZ: That’s right. Remember the song “Girls Just Want to Have Fun?”

WHOOPI: Yes.

LIZ: Well, some men just want to have prostitutes. And they’re always going to do that because that’s what they want.

WHOOPI: Hey, I’m OK with men that … I’m a believer that we should legalize it.

LIZ: I agree. But the two things are different.

WHOOPI: Yes. But you have to explain to people that No. 1, we as women have to get over how we feel about prostitution because it’s not anything against us as women. Do you know what I mean? If your man goes to a prostitute it’s not because he doesn’t love you. It’s not because he doesn’t care for you or your family. I believe that is a safe way, in a man’s mind, to go get his rocks off. Now if he’s not honest enough to say to his wife, “Listen, this is what I’m doing,” because he knows if she says, “Well you can’t do that and be with me,” and she’s going to leave him.

LIZ: She could either cooperate with it or put up with it or not. And then she has an option. She isn’t just being humiliated.

WHOOPI: I listened to folks talk today about prostitutes, period. And trying to explain to people that they’re not the place to put your ire. That’s not the place to be pissed off at. The place to be pissed of at is the man who is going behind your back or your friends back and doing this and doesn’t have the balls to say, “Listen. I’m having something outside of our marriage. So here’s what you need to do. I’ve got myself checked. You need to get yourself checked.” That’s the angry part to me.

LIZ: Also, I think, if we’re realistic we know there always is going to be prostitution.

WHOOPI: Oh, God, yes. It’s the world’s oldest profession.

209 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Tammy Moore
I don’t think I would have stood next to him. I would have stood on top of him. Next they will blame his mother for not breastfeeding him. He will carry the blame and the shame. I’m with Whoopie. Lets make it legal. I could use 80 grand.
By Tammy Moore on 03/13/2008 6:22 pm
aghornmom roonor
Dr. Laura is selling a book. When Meredith Veira interviewed her, she mentioned it. So it was simply to stir things up. And so here it a topic on WowOWow
By aghornmom roonor on 03/13/2008 6:40 pm
Cheyenne  James
Dr. Laura seems to practice psychology that dates back to the 1950’s. Apparently she’s not up on the progress made in the last 55 years, as we learned that we can not blame victims for the actions of others! Men used to get away with rape by claiming. “She asked for it!” simply because of her clothing. But elderly grammas and children have been raped, so the “she asked for it defense,” is no longer valid. People have their own issues, that’s why they do what they do. Alcoholics like to blame their families as their excuse for drinking too much, but that is not tolerated in A A. Everyone is accountable for their own actions. Clearly Dr. Laura is Wrong!!
By Cheyenne James on 03/13/2008 7:01 pm
Sue H
Dr. Laura - you need to get a grip! This has nothing to do with Stipzer’s wife. People is powerful positions - public and private sector…men or women - can become so wrapped up in their actual or perceived power that over time…the rules or society norms of behavior become secondary and they feel that they are above it all. This is not her issue - it is clearly his and his alone. We don’t know the private issues - this could have been his behavior his entire life, but it was covered up well or perhaps she or his family looked the other way in order to live a life of comfort. Only this know and only they should know - it is not the publics’ business. What is the publics’ business is his behavior as it applies to his public offical duties and responsibilities to the public - we have a right to know every detail of his money to pay for the services, who, how often and he needs to do more than atone for his failings as a man - what a weak position. He needs to take his medicine, go to prison, get psychological health and come home to his family - if they want him, when he has done his time - end of story!
By Sue H on 03/13/2008 7:05 pm
Annabel Servat
I am SO tired of women being blamed for what men do. Y’all are right about both Mrs. Spitzer and the girl involved. Yes, we need to be responsible for our own actions, (including the girl) but people can end up making money any way possible. However, how can the wife be responsible for her husband’s clandestine decisions?
By Annabel Servat on 03/13/2008 7:12 pm
Mugsy Peabody
The question in my mind is, why on earth does anyone with bat-sense give a flying rat’s ass what Dr. Laura (and Dr. Phil, for that matter) think about anything. Of course, the other question would be, what is/isn’t HE doing that would keep HER close to him?
By Mugsy Peabody on 03/13/2008 7:19 pm
Carol M
I just checked out your website for the first time today and absolutely LOVE IT. For the first time it appears there is a website where a person can actually vent or rave or laugh or cry…awesome! As for the the Spitzers…. why should she have to stand next to him. HE should be standing up for her. All in all, whether or not she stays with him is HER decision! Thank you.. thank you again for such a great website !!
By Carol M on 03/13/2008 7:25 pm
A. Hobbs
What is Dr. Laura smoking these days? If he wasn’t happy in the marriage,(which is not why powerful men go to hookers), have some real B—-s and get out. He loved the rush of doing something BAD!!!! He loved fooling everyone. He thought he was powerful enough to get away with it all. Oh and his statement that it wasn’t about the sex. What has He been smoking to think anyone would believe that line. If Dr. Laura is really a doctor of psychology,(sorry to say I have no idea), she should have some understanding of what cheating is really about.
By A. Hobbs on 03/13/2008 8:21 pm
Megan Plumridge
Iam from Australia and an Ex prostitue and I can not believe that the women Mrs Splitzer is blamine her self it is not her fault . It is his fault he loves sex and has a broblem
By Megan Plumridge on 03/13/2008 8:24 pm
Maryann Lowry
Yes, I love it too. Dr. Laura had a rough relationship with her mother, as a child. I don’t know the details. When her mother died a few years ago, Dr. Laura wouldn’t even comment and it appeared that she broke all contact with her mother years ago. I tend to hate stereotyping. However, her attitude towards women seems to fit the profile suggested in “Family Systems” Literature. She certainly does appear to loathe women. The only women, who seem to get her sympathy, are women coming from an abusive family of origin. It makes no sense at all to blame the wife. She must be going through incredible emotional truma. To add to that by bashing her publicly, IMHO, is horrendously unthoughtful. As for Spitzer, I’ve seen in government and religion that the more fundamentalist and harsh a man portrays himself to be publicly, there is often a huge skeleton in the closet. Maryann
By Maryann Lowry on 03/13/2008 8:29 pm
Sadie Webb
Respect for his entire family? The reality of his NOT being found out (80 grand?)…what a stupid man, why wasn’t he thinking straight, was he on drugs or was he just soooooo unbellievably arrogant? It is a sad thing when these kind of stories come out…what do our teenagers think? Powerful men, sports atheletes, even celebrities need to THINK alot more about their behavior…they don’t understand the unspoken responsibilitly that goes along with their famousness…it’s so sad for our families…our youth think these people are great and WOW…they’re sure getting let down alot ;-( p.s. Dr Laura is a dope!
By Sadie Webb on 03/13/2008 8:51 pm
patricia hannigan
It’s so hard for women to accept the fact that the vast majority of men, if they felt reasonably sure they wouldn’t get caught, would cheat in a NY minute. With almost ANY type of woman. That’s just the way they’ve evolved due to perceived male/female reproductive responsibilities…or lack thereof. It’s also difficult for many women to believe that the vast majority of men crave “freaky” sex. Threesomes, exhibitionisunm anal oral…anything but ordinary. Yes they do. Even if they pretend not to. Espedially if they pretend not to, I would venture to say. Ultra rare is the woman (particularly) over 35 that crave that. It’s a recipe for sex scandals.
By patricia hannigan on 03/13/2008 9:15 pm
Z GG
I suppose everyone noticed he wasn’t with a 45 year old hooker. (Are there even any of those?) He was with a woman young enough to be his daughter, not much older than his kids. That makes him a cheater AND a perv. Do these men understand that the young women they are with would have absolutely no interest in them if they weren’t being paid for sex? The guy’s got a totally overblown ego and the mindset of a college freshman. I sure don’t think that’s his wife’s fault!
By Z GG on 03/13/2008 9:16 pm
María E.
Talking about lackings, besides his character, he is pretty awful to look at, with those ears the size of shoes hanging from the head… I wonder how she didn´t run away from him — Besides, all this thing about going to prostitutes is not even about sex as it is about power and how to abuse it. He cannot abuse or boss around a wife who is an equal, so he had to get into what he feels are relationships with someone “below”, so he could feel “above”. — Regarding “I’m so sick of Men and Sex . Is it really the only thing on their mind 24/7 ???”. No, they don’t think of sex enough; if they did they’d be making loive to their wives seven times a week instead of the once-every-two-months that is the usual conjugal regime once they are above their 40s.
By María E. on 03/13/2008 9:33 pm
María E.
BTW, who is Dr. Laura? she sounds like a real troglodyte in this issue.
By María E. on 03/13/2008 9:41 pm