Sign in to wowOwow

Enter the email address that you used when registering at wowOwow.
The password field is case sensitive. Click here if you have forgotten your password.

Please register for wowOwow

Newsletter subscriptions
Sign up to receive wowOwow's weekly newsletter and get our best picks delivered right to your inbox. Our newsletter content is hand-picked by the wowOwow editorial team and provides the top features, news, and commentary from our site. Subscribing to our newsletter is free and safe. We will never share your email or other information with a third-party without your direct consent.
By registering, you indicate that you have read and agree
with our privacy policy and terms of service.

Conversation | 04/01/2008 9:06 pm

'Trust Your Gut, It’s the Only Thing That Separates You From Everybody Else'

© Shutterstock

JOAN JULIET BUCK: Let’s talk about gut feelings.

SHEILA: Guts, did you say?

JOAN JULIET BUCK: Gut feelings. G-U-T.

SHEILA: OK. Where is that exactly?

JOAN JULIET BUCK: Well, it’s when you know something and you don’t know why you know it. Do any of you have this?

LIZ: No. I’ll tell you something, though. When you’re writing, like I am, where you’re on the brink of being sued all the time, I have learned, to my peril, that if I don’t follow my gut, every time I don’t, then later I wish I did. I’d say to myself later, “But you knew this was going to cause a lot of trouble and you couldn’t back it up.”

JOAN JULIET BUCK: Is it a little voice in your head? What is it?

LIZ: Yeah. It’s a little voice in my head: “I’d better do something else about this. Nail it down a little further.” I try to take my own advice. So I guess that’s a gut feeling.

SHEILA: You have to trust your gut because it’s the only thing that separates you from everybody else. You really do have to trust it and it takes a lot of confidence and a lot of wiles to sort of say, “I’m going to go with that.”

LIZ: Well let me ask Judith Martin a question. Judith, you are one of the most elegant and precise writers that I know and whenever you say that somebody should fold their napkin a certain way, or whatever it is you’re concerned with, I’m always sure you’re right. But are you always sure you’re right?

JUDITH: On that subject, yes. I don’t mean just the napkins; the whole business of etiquette. But I notice when other people try to do it, they do it only from their point of view. So if they are receiving presents on an occasion, they say, “Nobody cares if you write thank you letters.” But if you’re sending them, they do care. So I have no doubts on that.

LIZ: OK, you say don’t trust their point of view. What point of view do you trust?

JUDITH: Mine.

LIZ: What was your educational experience in this field?

JUDITH: Like all of us of this age, we were the subjects of child rearing when we were little. It wasn’t anything special. We all learned this kind of thing. And then I always had an interest in the history of manners. And so I’ve been reading that all my life. When I make these pronouncements that I am sure are right, I’m rather doing what a judge is doing in a courtroom. Both lawyers know the law and by this time the defendant knows the law. But you have to weigh, and balance, and make some kind of decision. And that’s what I’ve been doing.

But I was going to say, on an uncharacteristically humbler level, that when I’m writing about something else – like my last book on Venice – I have information in my head because I’ve been reading Venetian history all my life. And I’m sure that some such and such happened. But when I’m putting it in a book I have to look it up. And when I look it up and when I do the research, I very often find that I have a better story in my head or my gut, if you will, than actually happened. So in that case, I’m very … when dealing with factual information, I’m very particular because I know the temptation of spinning it into better than reality.

LIZ: Well, I agree. I mean, I always regret if I didn’t research something. Many times I remember it in a slightly different way or I’ve forgotten the real point of it or something.

Read more about: Career

121 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

nan rae
I would have to agree with Joan Ganz Cooney. My biggest moment of clarity was when I understood that I was really clueless. And for a control freak that’s really something. When I lecture artists one of the first questions I always get is “What is your five year plan?” Well, that does crack me up as I don’t have a five minute plan. I just suit up and show up and good things happen. When they don’t I try and see what I’m supposed to learn. It’s all about doing the right thing and sometimes, your ‘gut’ can lead you down the wrong path as it really is connected to your ego.
By nan rae on 04/09/2008 4:23 pm
Jane Kamienski
Gut feelings are often right, however do your homework if it relates to your reputation. In personal life, my gut is usually right but in business, I wouldn’t rely on it.
By Jane Kamienski on 04/09/2008 8:35 pm
lynn bard
Your gut instinct is the voice of your conscience where, if you are tuned in to listen, you will find the truth-always. You tune-in by paying attention to your feelings. We are programmed and conditioned by our culture to rely on our brains, our thoughts for everything, and to disregard and supress our feelings as unreliable. In the realm of the mind, thoughts and imagination can create any fantasy or illusion to the point of physical manifestation or what we call visible reality. How much of what we see is real or a convincing computer generated illusion? Truth is not something we can create, change or tranform. Your conscience doesn’t create anything, it does what it was designed to do which is tell the truth. Concerning the present state of affairs in our country and globally, I recommend a few books—Trance:formation of America and Access Denied-for reasons of national security by government whistleblowers Cathy O’Brien and Mark Phillips and The Franklin Cover-Up by fomer Nebraska senator John W. de Camp, all available through Amazon. What these people have written, your mind will try to find all reason to deny. You will have to tune in, through you feelings, to your conscience, for the truth. Then you will have to accept that truth, and with many questions, go searching for more. And you wil be glad you learned, discovered, finally, where to go for truth, a place you can always trust and rely on. That place is your CONSCIENCE.
By lynn bard on 04/10/2008 1:02 pm
Chris L.
WOW! In re Suzanne de Cornelia - 4/8/2008 9:36 PM Post about Financial Markets: By 1987 I had left the Chicago Mercantile Exchange floor and gone to the safe harbor of Retail stock brokering with then Paine Webber Group. During October of 1987, I was on a weekend vacation in Door County Wisconsin, and I was troubled by severe anxiety the entire trip, almost to the point of being physically ill. It was mainly about my clients and the stock market. I was a terrible companion… The following Monday October 19th, was the single biggest one-day 22.6% Drop in the Dow Jones. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Monday_(1987) That’s just one example of trusting your “gut” that something is going on unconsciously and to be quiet and pay attention. My DFH used to call me the “Mystic” and would say I could size-up a person in less than 2 minutes. Of course, I think good intuition and the ability to act, is based on knowing oneself. By being “centered”. Then one can act on that impulse quickly. Very interesting post Suzanne. Thanks. Chris in Arizona
By Chris L. on 04/11/2008 8:37 am
Buh-Bye Hillary Hillary Buh-Bye
Chris—-I understand that feeling…am having it now about markets! Your job must have been a rush. Used to work for major brokerage….only I leased and built-out their space all over US…7 series license and registered on all exchanges too but just for self-knowledge. Was a great job. Thanks for your post…and I agree…when you work with lots of dif types do learn to size people up pretty quickly
By Buh-Bye Hillary Hillary Buh-Bye on 04/12/2008 1:08 pm
susan larson
Great discussion! The Pinocchio example reminded me of a couple times when I told my friends I did NOT want to see a movie, allowed myself to be coerced, and I turned out to be right. At least right for myself in that I found it either terrifying or extremely dull - “psycho” and “101 dalmatians”, respectively. So I think in part it’s about being able to say ‘no thank you’ kindly and firmly while - and this is the challenge - turning down other’s choices without offending them? Regarding ‘gut’ and ‘intuition,’ are they not one and the same? My theory is that ‘gut’ has been more often acceptable for men to use (when they are following their intuition) and that ‘intuition’ is often more female friendly (when we are following our gut). So I was just thinking it was all semantics to describe the same thing, but was wondering if there’s a distinction. Or if others perceive one. I could certainly be convinced, if my gut and intuition go along with the argument…
By susan larson on 04/11/2008 6:56 pm
Kay Weeks
The Vacation Two weeks before, My body began to say no, So all the more fiercely at first, I kept faith with returning, This rhythm secure as a theorem. Though barely at first, My body began to tell me To bend toward Some broadly familiar painting Of how it would be again: Arriving together On the usual Saturday afternoon, Laden with games, That afternoon, as always, Indoors moving tables and chairs about Making peace with the place So it would seem to be our own. And that first evening, Rushing toward perfect clarity, Away from what I had come for— Wind and waves and sand, Collapsing early from a surfeit of words. How it would be each morning, You to buy the newspaper, Me to pursue endless rounds of exercise, You returning to eat, Pretending to care about local real estate, Vague acquisition, ever to own. Me not listening, not saying. Then, at noon Going down to the beach, Bodies flat-out on the sane, Held firm all day In a monotony of silence You took for meaning; Later, raking the shore for shells To adorn tops of toilet tanks Which I took for meaning. With the sun cooling, Fixing and eating dinner In perfect mechanical harmony, Cleaning up, Walking the peaceful streets at dusk, You noting the piecemeal collapse Of old buildings, Me feeling the change, Not saying. Then into bed, You, hauling my body about Which you took for passion. Me, routinely climactic, Cleaning up, Feeling the soft sheets between us, Hand in hand, sleeping. For seven days the same, Our pale bodies Turning to tan, Which we both took for something, Some move toward warmth— This we agreed upon. What slight reckoning That began off-center As a nudge Then grew so bold It finally gave voice In surprised connection, Body moving back and back, Then hurling itself forward Like some monstrous wave? Saying no I cannot go I will not go Not ever again—- Saying I am the foam and the wind and the sane, I am the body Alone in my bright energies, I am the body Bound unto itself And its telling and saying and telling. I am the body Alone as it journeys forth And back and back. I am the body Plotting for safe harbor, Heading for home. KDW 6/14/83 Coda: We stayed in the relationship until 2003, at which time he left me for another woman.
By Kay Weeks on 04/13/2008 3:53 am
Wendy Wilson
Knowing and trusting gut feelings is much more difficult that I would think. It takes self-trust and a willingness to filter out other people’s opinions and biases. Often, dreams reveal gut feelings.You also need to trust gut feelings that may go against your formerly believed impressions. Psychic sensitivity and intuition are often ridiculed. HOw often have you known that someone would phone you or have you anticipated people’s responses. I agree that reason and reality testing have to play a part in decision making. AS a therapist, I was treating an older woman who came for therapy because she felt depressed and immobilized. As a young woman, she had accidently killed a child who ran into the street in front of her car. One day as she was talking about the accident,I felt a definite tingling in my right foot. To me shock and surprise, the thought planted itself in an illuminted way: she had stepped on the gas instead of the brake when she saw the child. I remained very shaken for a long time to have recognised this revalation. I never told her about this, but I think my knowing this may have affected her. Her depression started lifting and she moved on in her life.
By Wendy Wilson on 04/13/2008 11:15 am
sage blue
I saw your conversation on the Charlie Rose show and was amazed and impressed. What a power group you are and thank you for letting us join you. Sageblue
By sage blue on 04/13/2008 12:36 pm
Michael Salling
My gut tells me this is going to be my favorite website — what to Leno, Letterman and Limgaugh say about it? :o (
By Michael Salling on 04/14/2008 9:56 am
Susan Patricia Golden
Thank you Suzanne de Cornelia - 4/8/2008 5:57 PM for your comments especially, “Everything in the universe is a web of electromagnetics” and “Know Thyself.” My gut tells me that sound and vibrations are an important part of electromagnetics, which is why I believe that making music daily is such an important activity. We get “in tune” with ourselves (and “Know Thyself.”) and we get in tune with the Universal energy. This heightens our awareness, helps us listen deeper, especially with our hearts and creates relative safety in a very precarious world. I would be curious to know if those who trust their guts also make Music and Art on a regular basis. And if those who don’t trust their guts do or don’t make music and Art on a regular basis. I believe making Music especially help us develop greater intuitive powers. So I feel concerned as budget cuts deprive our school children of Music and the Arts that they are disconnected from their smart guts. Any one know any research on this topic? please email me at SPG@UniversalMusicDay.org
By Susan Patricia Golden on 04/15/2008 10:03 pm
M M
I think your “gut” is mainly a distracted conscience that doesn’t attend quite completely—like catching the moment in your peripheral vision. A jammed pause button.
By M M on 04/18/2008 3:34 pm
Eve Fulton
I am a therapist with women who are in or have left abusive situations and/or suffered other traumas. One of the main treatments I do is to introduce the woman to her self and feelings and that rekindles her gut feelings which I have always found keep us safe. It is slow work but worth it. When women regain a sense of self it is like watching a beautiful flower unfold. They become clearer in their needs about what they need to do that is best for themselves and their children. I have always felt my Gut has never let me down and whenever I don’t follow it I could just scream. No one is ever too old to learn how to follow your GUT.
By Eve Fulton on 04/20/2008 2:39 pm
Kay Weeks
Right on, Eve.
By Kay Weeks on 05/22/2008 8:26 am
Kay Weeks
Someone back there said “greed and fear” get in the way of trusting intuitions. The brain does that, don’t you think? The ego, always barging in and getting hurt or angry? My cat is not mad; she is, in the words of New Age folks, “pure source.” When she doesn’t like it, she throws up. Wish I could be that honest. We KNOW in our hearts (gut) what we should be doing, for instance, I should be writing and painting now instead of doing this…but our need to be part of a group, even for a minute and even if we aren’t listening to each other, outweights our gut instinct to be alone and DO IT. Get it done. Back to my courses.
By Kay Weeks on 05/22/2008 8:24 am