Advice to Those About to Marry: Don't! Here's Why ...

So, actually, you don’t mean ‘don’t get married’- you mean ‘turn off the marriage machine’. Reverse the brain-washing process, strip the whole thing back to the absolute basics (2 people and an officiator), and then thoughtfully add back in the elements that matter to you (perhaps applying that accessories rule of taking off 2 as soon as you think you are at the right level). Recast it in terms of what the point of the wedding is about.

In the nicest weddings that I have been to there always seems to come a moment in the ceremony in which the sense of it being an ‘event’ stops and there is a stillness, when everybody gathered together is ‘in the moment’, which becomes a shared moment. And after that, all the rest is just a gathering of people who have shared a lovely moment and are happy to be together.

My wedding sounds like that Nancy Sinatra song, ‘Jackson.’ You know, ‘We got married in a fever’, blah, blah, blah. I got married in the basement of the Reno, NV Court House. We were both so drunk we didn’t even know what date it actually was. I had on the same clothes that I had been gambling in all day. When I called my parents to let them know and to wish my father Happy Father’s Day, he responded with, ‘the cad finally made an honest man outta himself.’ The best part of this type of wedding ‘fairy tale’ is that when you get divorced you don’t have the pictures, the dress, the memories, and the debt to drag along as excess baggage.

I never had that little girl dream of getting married. In fact, I always told my parents that I was going to live with them forever. They should have listened to me because I came back home 19 years ago and never left again. Don’t get me wrong, I have enjoyed and participated in friend’s weddings. I have been a great donor of bridesmaid’s dresses to the prom dress closet for young women who can’t afford to buy a dress. I agree that the spectacular, expensive weddings that are being done nowdays are a big waste of money. It could be used to pay down student loans, eliminate credit card debt, and if you are lucky make a down-payment on your first house, condo, apt. together. Maybe it isn’t the knight on the white horse, but it is a lot better than starting your life together saddled in debt.

I agree with Liz, these $30,000 weddings are beautiful…….stressful and further more expensive to everyone attending. Even if it’s just a wedding gift (min.$200) you have to buy new clothes……if it’s out of town you have the travel expense…….Hotel expenses. It goes on and on.

I recently went to a small wedding (not outlandish) but I still had the expensive of a hotel for two nights……..the gifts and my own expenses for the two days of travel time. It cost me $1,000………As my mother would have said…..be grateful Dona you had the $1000 to spend) there have been many times in my life when I couldn’t have done that.

I think a simple wedding ceremony before a judge or minister is wonderful…….Throw a big party after they return from their honeymoon.
Everyone has a good time then.

I got married by a Justice of the Peace in Nevada………couldn’t have gotten any more simple. Had a great marriage that lasted for 37 years.

I remember the weddings of years gone by. Simple…….after the simple ceremony every one had a piece of wedding cake, cup of coffee and watched the bride and groom open their gifts………That was fun………
No stress just sweetness and fun………

I believe that marriage can still be a wonderful institution for the couple that is truly in love. Obviously, there are a variety of financial factors that impinge upon the marital ceremony itself. If there are monetary concerns, then scaling back is probably prudent. But if you can afford to go all-out, then I whole-heartedly endorse fulfilling your dreams. You only go ‘round once…well, maybe four or five times, if you’re in Hollywood, but that’s another story.

A little bit off the subject. But, beginning tomorrow, June 17th, there will be all sorts of weddings in California. It has become one great big party….and the merchandisers are sure to make a killing. The first couple to wed in San Francisco will be a lesbian couple who have been together 50 years. Now, I am as straight as ‘straight arrow’ but one really has to think what that moment will mean to those two ladies.

As for anyone who wants to spend $30,000 for a nuptial ceremony, and if they have the cash, why not? Buy the flowers, it will keep the florist in business; buy the wedding gown, the dressmakers will love you; have a caterer and all your guests will love you; hire a baker for the 3 or 4 tiered wedding cake and the flower girl will thank you; hire a photographer and your children and grandchildren will laugh with you. Do it all.

But if you do not have $30,000 - then cut the flowers from your mother’s garden, make a gown, have your two best aunts prepare the buffet, ask your baker/neighbor to bake the cake and finally arrange for your best friend’s sister who is an amateur photographer to take the wedding pictures. Just enjoy the day. And remember throw birdseed - not rice.

People should do as they wish without going into debt. For me, Trump-style nuptials are de trop.

My first wedding was immediate family and my parents surprised us by buying us a very charming house as a wedding present.

My second husband wanted the lavish event. We compromised on a June ceremony and dinner for 100 guests catered by a Beverly Hills firm and in my parent’s park-like garden. We had the LA Chamber Music Orchestra for music as people arrived and for the ceremony, and a dance band after. I had the simplest Vera Wang style dress possible, had the train cut off, no head gear. Even though I hadn’t wanted it, was quite fun, great memories. The wedding trip was pretty luxe.

I was engaged a third time. But after we finished building our lake resort dream house, I couldn’t go through with it. I pulled the engagement ring off my finger and gave it to my youngest sister when she whined, “Why do you always get everything.” And called him and said, keep the house. It was a fun two year, but no thanks.

No more husbands for me. I like being single.

Liz, I find your comments amazing coming from a person who attends many grand parties that have to easily top $30 grand to produce. To me a party is a party and throwing money at it is not always the way to make it enjoyable.

Having been a photographer, I have photographed some large and small weddings. The couple is what has made the difference. If they are trying to please other people then it shows.

What I find astonishing is the parties that are thrown for little kids. How many toys, can a child have? And proms, okay the list goes on. We are an extravagant nation at times! When and where is the next party, I need to go buy a new dress!

We were to marry after we left Nam but she was an LT and I was enlisted: the military said that would never happen as we both had too long to go on our enlistments. She was 21 and my world and I was 22. Instead later in complicity with our friends we found a Vietnamese Catholic priest who agreed to marry us on a stand-down in early May of 1967. The LT gave her away and Jonny was my best man. Andi stood for her and her close friends among the nurses had made a bouquet for her. She wore green and I wore green, but that didn’t see to matter much. There were many many of our friends in that small church that day. We were all very happy; the priest even had a glass or two of 33 beer with us for luck. The boys left the hooch for us after actually cleaning it and even left us clean sheets they’d “lifted” from hospital supply. That alone surprised us along with the champagne they’d liberated from the officer’s mess. We had three days together…