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Conversation | 05/15/2008 12:17 pm

Mary Wells: 'Birthdays Are Bad for Your Health'

© Shutterstock


JOAN: Does your definition of beauty change as you do?

MARLO: Yes, I think you change your mind about beauty as you change. When I was younger I didn’t think older women were that pretty. Now I think they’re gorgeous. You start to say, “Now wait a minute … you know, this woman is beautiful. And I look good.”

MARY: Don’t you think, also, that styles have changed in that what is beautiful used to be just — pretty?

MARLO: We still have 15-year-olds on the covers of magazines.

MARY: There’s the most beautiful cover on one of these film magazines of Meryl Streep without any makeup, looking so absolutely beautiful. That natural look, when you’re 50, has become really kind of —

MARLO: That’s because you’re 50. I don’t know that the 20-year-olds are thinking it’s beautiful.

MARY: Well, there are more of us.

MARLO: Well, that’s always good.

LILY: When I was a child, our mothers — unless they were in another circle, a social circle — my mother never exercised.

MARLO: No. Right.

LILY: Women didn’t even drive. They just were not physical people. As times have gone on, consciousness has been raised and women came more into their own; they realized that they could be athletic and physical and dynamic and all kinds of things. Women were very old at 50, in the old days.

MARLO: They did housework.

LILY: I’m not saying they didn’t work and do plenty of —

MARLO: It’s also about taking control of your health, that you could take care of your heart and your bones and you don’t have to just be dependent on what a doctor says, who, most of the time, doesn’t know anything about nutrition.

MARY: But don’t you often think what beauty is today also is much more ethnically diverse, because we’re living with people from all parts of the world now, so that your idea of what is beautiful has stretched and —

LILY: When I was a teenager the beauty standard was Marilyn Monroe or Kim Novak – very curvaceous. I used to pad my hips, literally, when I was an adolescent – 13, 14 years old – because I had such straight hips. Skirts had extra material in them for that.

MARLO: Oh, that’s awful. And they were all blond. They were all blond.

LILY: I got a lot of mileage out of padding those hips.

MARY: If you look at those underfed models that scare me to death, that are obviously going to die tomorrow … but they are from all different countries and they’re —

JOAN: Mainly Estonia, Lithuania, Latvia.

MARY: Now, yes. They go through different periods — and they’re gorgeous. They’re all so different. It’s not like they were all just stamped out of the machine. And they’re so wonderfully different looking.

JOAN: As you age, your focus changes. You stop focusing quite so much on yourself.

MARLO: Or you’ve accepted how you look and realize that there’s beauty in it.

JOAN: When my first novel came out, a fashion photographer agreed to take my picture for publicity. I went to his studio and sat in the makeup chair while the makeup lady worked on me, looking exhausted because I had just finished three years on the book. And there was a model sitting on my left, who was maybe 17 years old. I was 33. And she kept glancing at me and glancing at me. And finally she said, very timidly, “Do you get much work?”

MARLO: That’s hysterical.

Read more about: Aging, Beauty

110 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Linda Myers
I think when you get older, beauty moves from something you see, to something that is felt.
By Linda Myers on 05/15/2008 8:04 am
Lennie Rose
At 20 -35 you flaunt it. By 50 you hide it. When you’re young you can see every detail of yourself with no idea what you’re looking at. As you age you see yourself more clearly but lose your sight to protect yourself. I think of beauty as an inner beam, a process of self-acceptance that allows you to light up the world. “Women’s Search For Beauty” is like “Man’s Search for Meaning” without lipstick.
By Lennie Rose on 05/15/2008 8:14 am
Jenny Oops
Oh, ‘No’, ‘No’, ‘No’ Lennie. You can always flaunt it. Met an 85 year old woman the other day who was as cute as she could be. She had on simple pants, a blue long-sleeved T-shirt and a Red feather boa swung around her neck with a smile and a twinkle to go with it. I’m taking lessons from her. She said she exercised every day.
By Jenny Oops on 05/17/2008 4:15 am
J B
I agree with celebrating each year! I have “Birthday Week” for my Birthdays. Just turned forty nine and am already saying “Come On Fifty!” Though, I have decided not to be “fifty”…preferring instead “fitty”…and I’m going to make everyone call me “Ms. Fittylicious”…Yes, I am…because I can!
By J B on 05/15/2008 8:15 am
C A Rose
J B, We have always celebrated our ‘Birthday Week and You Can Do Anything You Want’ in our house. We go shopping, out to eat, and gambling at the casino whenever the mood hits us. On the exact day of our birthday we start out by playing special songs. First is ‘Las Mananitas,’ followed by ‘Salon Mexico’, ‘Las Nubes’, ‘Canciones Mexicanos’, Salon Cubano’, and lastly ‘Canciones Cubanos.’ We sing and dance together to the music. Since it is just mom and I, we might break out the zillion dollar bottle of tequila and sip to our hearts content. Naps are always in order, and we eat what ever we want. At 78 I think my mom is beautiful, but she has always been beautiful to me. My mom lies about her age which means I have to stay on my toes to make sure I don’t say I am older than her. The baby boomer generation (I’m 60) has just adjusted the world view to make it fashionable to age. I find that funny because French, Italian, and Spanish women have always aged well and been considered more beautiful as they got older. I can’t figure out why Americans obsess so. No one ever says Sophia Loren looks bad!
By C A Rose on 05/17/2008 1:10 am
Jenny Oops
What about celebrating BIG time every five years after 50 — ALL year! 50, 55 60 65 70 etc. — seems about right to me. Just let the minor cords go. The best birthday I ever had was my 75th. Didn’t want to invite anyone who didn’t know how old I was, so invited about 30 close freinds and family. Hired a caterer, food was great. House was beautiful and I looked pretty durn good too. An amazing experience to be with people you have known at different levels for years and years; people who care about you. I got good frens. Had never gathered them together before. Caterer said she had never seen such a group of congenial people — and all but a few of us are talkers. GREAT Evening for me. Happy Birthday everyone whenever that might be.
By Jenny Oops on 05/17/2008 4:00 am
doll lady
I was never a great beauty so getting older and looking my age never bothered me. I figured all of the younger generation saw me as an old woman….the same as I did. Just this week, I had a doctor appointment. The young beautiful receptionist looked at me and said “you have beautiful skin and you are so pretty. And you sure don’t look your age”. Wow what a boost to my ego. I look at myself as a haggard old woman. And the younger person saw me as beautiful. Must be that $1.00 anti-wrinkle cream I buy at Dollar General. >>>>giggle<<<<<
By doll lady on 05/15/2008 8:17 am
carol wilson
When I was young I was considered beautiful…I have the photos as proof! Well, I hated being pretty! I did not like men “hitting” on me in spite of my wearing modest clothes and not being flirtatious. I found it insulting. I got a lot more male attention than I ever sought. I was told by well meaning older women that “you was so pretty, you could have any man you wanted”. What about matching values and goals, equal intelligence levels, etc??? I was even once told by a male employer that he hired me because I “was the prettiest girl who applied for the job”! Now that I am old and quite fat, and look nothing like those photos, I absolutely do not miss being pretty. The only part I want is my smooth blemish free skin because I now have rosecea. Blemishes aside, I am much more comfortable in my ordinary looking wrinkled aged skin than I was as a pretty young woman.
By carol wilson on 05/15/2008 8:46 am
Margo Porter
I say this with the kindest intentions. Your intelligence back then only added to your beauty. You comfort in your looks now provides even more substantial beauty.
By Margo Porter on 05/15/2008 2:32 pm
James the Game
From my perspective, if a woman feels like she’s beautiful, she generally is. When my sister was in an unhappy marriage, her hair was all frizzy and she looked pretty frumpy. When she got out of it, I noticed a totally different look about her. Not only the way she suddenly paid more attention to her appearance, but the way that she felt. The two are not mutually exclusive. When you feel good, you take better care of yourself in all respects, whether it pertains to appearance, exercise, nutrition or things you do. If you get plenty of sleep and exercise, reduce the stress/friction in your life and feel that you are attractive, then you definitely are. You project externally that which you feel from within. Or so I deem to pontificate this sunshiny morning in Grand Rapids, the night after Barack’s visit to Van Andel Arena. Cheers!
By James the Game on 05/15/2008 9:04 am
Lennie Rose
That’s why some people end up looking like prunes and others like plums!
By Lennie Rose on 05/15/2008 10:34 am
mary lou s
so you finally got to see barack obama in michigan. how did that feel? (our democratic party went gaga over the possibility of fighting the democratic party, and i hate barack obama’s veto to our potential revote a couple of months ago). as for beauty and birthdays, consider the alternative of not having a birthday.
By mary lou s on 05/15/2008 8:12 pm
Frannie Em
James So right so right. It has so much to do about the way you feel, but if you feel lousy, sometimes taking a little more care of yourself can make all the difference.
By Frannie Em on 05/18/2008 4:19 pm
Leslie Bogart
I am 51. I was just saying to my husband the other day that I thought I’ve gotten prettier as I’ve aged. He said, “Honey, you’ve always been beautiful.” And I do love it when people tell me how beautiful my skin is and that I don’e look my age. But, what is 51 supposed to look like?????
By Leslie Bogart on 05/15/2008 9:28 am
phyllis Doyle Pepe
When I was in fifth grade I desperately wanted breasts so one day I stuck into a training bra some bunched up handkerchiefs. At some point during class I looked down and in my horror saw that one of the bunches had traveled down to my waist. There I was displayed as a one breast wannabe. It’s difficult in this day and age to not be concerned about appearance since our culture puts so much emphasis on BEAUTY. Like Carol, I always wanted men to appreciate my mind rather than my looks and now that I am older I am free of that concern. I married a man 13 years my junior and that if nothing else keeps one on their toes. P.S. I did finally get breasts.
By phyllis Doyle Pepe on 05/15/2008 9:37 am