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Conversation | 05/15/2008 12:17 pm

Mary Wells: 'Birthdays Are Bad for Your Health'

© Shutterstock


JOAN: Does your definition of beauty change as you do?

MARLO: Yes, I think you change your mind about beauty as you change. When I was younger I didn’t think older women were that pretty. Now I think they’re gorgeous. You start to say, “Now wait a minute … you know, this woman is beautiful. And I look good.”

MARY: Don’t you think, also, that styles have changed in that what is beautiful used to be just — pretty?

MARLO: We still have 15-year-olds on the covers of magazines.

MARY: There’s the most beautiful cover on one of these film magazines of Meryl Streep without any makeup, looking so absolutely beautiful. That natural look, when you’re 50, has become really kind of —

MARLO: That’s because you’re 50. I don’t know that the 20-year-olds are thinking it’s beautiful.

MARY: Well, there are more of us.

MARLO: Well, that’s always good.

LILY: When I was a child, our mothers — unless they were in another circle, a social circle — my mother never exercised.

MARLO: No. Right.

LILY: Women didn’t even drive. They just were not physical people. As times have gone on, consciousness has been raised and women came more into their own; they realized that they could be athletic and physical and dynamic and all kinds of things. Women were very old at 50, in the old days.

MARLO: They did housework.

LILY: I’m not saying they didn’t work and do plenty of —

MARLO: It’s also about taking control of your health, that you could take care of your heart and your bones and you don’t have to just be dependent on what a doctor says, who, most of the time, doesn’t know anything about nutrition.

MARY: But don’t you often think what beauty is today also is much more ethnically diverse, because we’re living with people from all parts of the world now, so that your idea of what is beautiful has stretched and —

LILY: When I was a teenager the beauty standard was Marilyn Monroe or Kim Novak – very curvaceous. I used to pad my hips, literally, when I was an adolescent – 13, 14 years old – because I had such straight hips. Skirts had extra material in them for that.

MARLO: Oh, that’s awful. And they were all blond. They were all blond.

LILY: I got a lot of mileage out of padding those hips.

MARY: If you look at those underfed models that scare me to death, that are obviously going to die tomorrow … but they are from all different countries and they’re —

JOAN: Mainly Estonia, Lithuania, Latvia.

MARY: Now, yes. They go through different periods — and they’re gorgeous. They’re all so different. It’s not like they were all just stamped out of the machine. And they’re so wonderfully different looking.

JOAN: As you age, your focus changes. You stop focusing quite so much on yourself.

MARLO: Or you’ve accepted how you look and realize that there’s beauty in it.

JOAN: When my first novel came out, a fashion photographer agreed to take my picture for publicity. I went to his studio and sat in the makeup chair while the makeup lady worked on me, looking exhausted because I had just finished three years on the book. And there was a model sitting on my left, who was maybe 17 years old. I was 33. And she kept glancing at me and glancing at me. And finally she said, very timidly, “Do you get much work?”

MARLO: That’s hysterical.

Read more about: Aging, Beauty

110 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Frannie Em
Caroline, You willl
By Frannie Em on 05/18/2008 5:09 pm
Charles Dance
I am not an example,but I think: Be very neat and clean, wear comfortable age-appropiate clothing,(or get a personal style going),ditch the high heels and visit a hair salon once in a while,try to stay fit and try to eat right.Read and use your computer and take a walk,if you can.See what’s out there and slip on a piece of jewelry whenever you do something special.Don’t ever go out in your nightgown the way I do once in awhile,so tacky.
By Charles Dance on 05/16/2008 5:22 pm
Jenny Oops
Birthday, what’s that?
By Jenny Oops on 05/17/2008 3:44 am
Kay Sara
To me, birthdays are a celebration of the day that person entered the world. Their contributions, their spirit that we all witness. Not a getting old thing for me at all. In fact when I see a movie with a movie star who has died I miss their energy in this world. Same goes for family and friends who are no longer in this world. The world is truly more for having had them be born and is truly less by their absense. With each upcoming birthday I may have, I hope I find a way to add more positive energy to someone or something. I still have a chance to get part of it right as long as the birthday’s keep coming.
By Kay Sara on 05/18/2008 4:29 pm
Frannie Em
Everyone’s posts on this conversation touched me deeply. I think I will make it a practice to read these once a week to remind me of all the depth of understanding about life that we have. I was reading Mugsy’s post and had Tony Bennett and Barbra Striesand on the stereo singing “Smile, when your heart is breaking.” Oh no, it was like a ‘perfect storm’ and swept through me cleaning out some cluttered corners that I had neglected to look at in a long time. It’s funny, I wasn’t interested in this question, and had lots to do today, but my ‘Hair Day Weather’ says 102, so I ended up here. I am glad I came. One note, to Marlo, I had two mothers. My birth mother did housework, taught it to us, and then went to work. My ‘real’ mother always worked, she didn’t do housework. I had two aunts that owned businesses, a great great aunt that in the ‘30’s had her own hair product business, with wide distribution. They didn’t do housework. My Grandmother owned her own business and was very successful, didn’t do housework. She died a couple years ago at 94 with the most beautiful skin you ever saw, by the way. I agree with one post above that stated that sure women did housework and so what, were better for it. We women have had to evolve to be many things and wear many hats through the years, and that is what makes us who we are in the 21st century. I have never felt bad about cleaning my house, and I own a business. Sometimes I like things done in a certain way. Other things, I pay someone else. Whatever.
By Frannie Em on 05/18/2008 5:37 pm
Patricia Burstein
As a kid I had all these great theme birthday parties with clowns and gypsies and the like. Yet I never much cared for birthdays because I didn’t and still don’t much like being the center of attention. Our father would always leave my twin sister, Ellen,and me corsages on our birthday. In third grade I told Ellen to leave hers and mine in the refrigerator so the kids in school wouldn’t make a big fuss over us. Lo and behold, when we opened up our lunch boxes, there was her corsage. I was mortified. Small wonder that my nickname as a kid was “Grumpy.”
By Patricia Burstein on 05/19/2008 3:21 am
Chrome Toe
Most certainly I think my idea of beauty has changed as I’ve grown older. Not only do I look at older women whom I used to just think of as “old” and think they are sexy or beautiful but the type of beauty i like has changed. I used to really like a willowy very feminine look. Now I prefer a stronger more unique look. But… to chime in on the “aging is beautiful and sexy” conversation we’ve got here. With most of us saying “yes aging is beautiful and sexy”… I am going to have to call some bullshit somewhere. If we really believed that we wouldn’t be botoxing the hell out of ourselves, dying our hair, getting breast implants, plastic surgery, blah blah blah. I feel good INSIDE about myself at my age but i’m scared to death of what’s happening on the “outside”. It terrifies me that men my age seem to get sexier (along with their power) to women half my age, when women my age are becoming invisible to men in their peer group. it’s tough to put on a style of dress or pants or bathing suit that I remember lookign super hot in and realizing I look like I’m trying to hard. And I’m hot for my age. Seriously. But that tag line “for my age” is still hard to stomach. My husband and I will be watching TV and some actress or journalist from TV whose been around for years will come on (Mary Hart and Sally Field to be specific) and my husband will go “wow she looks old”. And I’m thinking… Mary Hart is YOUR AGE and Sally Field is not to much older! He isn’t saying it to be mean but he does mean it. So this stuff is scary people. For women. And if you’re one of those women who really and truly ISN’T scared of this then more power to you. Cuz I think most of us are faking not being scared of it until the day we really AREN’T scared of it. Oh… and a PS type note.. the fact that i’m scared of what aging does to my looks and sex appeal doesn’t mean i don’t think i’m smart, interesting, complicated and worthwhile. But that doesn’t have shit to do wiht how i look in a strapless dress!
By Chrome Toe on 05/19/2008 8:46 pm
Frannie Em
Kelly Kelly I only dye my hair, but like you, I do worry about my face aging. It seems to happen at a faster rate as I get older. It is more that I don’t feel like that age. I feel younger.
By Frannie Em on 05/20/2008 12:09 am
Linda Bauer
I am 59 and will turn 60 this year. I have used that fact to justify doing things for myself all year. I should go to China before I turn 60, so I went.
By Linda Bauer on 05/20/2008 4:35 am
Ruth Lancaster
You can’t stop time. Why not enjoy each day, especially your birthday! Any reason for celebrating me is good by me. I want to be lavished with love, presents and cake! Your birthday is a legal cake eating day…..REALLY! Since I would feel greedy doing this every day, not to mention the weight gain, I celebrate my birthday every year and who I am becoming. Usually the birthday celebrate lasts from one week to one month. You have to give your family and friends time to honor you.
By Ruth Lancaster on 05/22/2008 11:05 am
Gail Khan
Birthdays celebrate the day we made our debut into the world. How wonderful is that!!! The world would be a very different place without our presence. Let us celebrate life; our lives, the lives of those so dear to us, the lives of the ones we haven’t met yet. Start now just for the fact we’ve survived every bump and unexpected turn that has brought us to this point and we still have a pulse. Life is good, celebrate yours!
By Gail Khan on 05/25/2008 11:27 pm
Kay Weeks
Lecture in front of a mirror Please look closely at the topography of your face before you enter that—well—final state of grace. Consider the perfect contour of your nose where neither time nor past emotion shows. Then you may be inclined to dwell upon the once-taut skin that hides your tougher shell. Measure what you have and what was lost by taking a path while another was quickly crossed. Above all, be thankful for your waning sight. And one last thing—avoid a raking light. Kay Weeks September 2007
By Kay Weeks on 05/26/2008 5:16 am
hana cannon
Lovely discussion. Thanks to all of you. I’m so looking forward to the big 70. Hinting to folks that a huge garden party would be an event for rejoicing. I find guided imagery wonderful for slowing the monkey mind. When I can quiet her I feel relaxed (beautiful). Focusing on gratitude to start the day or when tensed helps relieve the stress and let the beauty flow. Stress is such an uglifier. I exercise my mind by shifting to gratitude for all the beauty I see and hear around me. Thank you all for adding to the beauty of my morning. JuicyCrone
By hana cannon on 05/26/2008 10:00 am
JoAnne Sheehan
I like where my head is at. At 54, I view the world with eyes wide open; don’t stress over the small stuff, and thank God every day for Botox and Juvederm. I may like where I am right now…but there is NO WAY I love my older face when there are options out there. I hate to say it..but when you are in business, you still have to look good, refreshed, and young enough to compete with the youngbloods. The intangble knowledge that comes with age does not seem to be appreciated by certain corporate mindsets.
By JoAnne Sheehan on 06/01/2008 5:11 pm
K D
This thread makes me recall a wonderful book I skimmed through 6-10 years ago in a small funky bookstore in Amherst, MA. It left an impression on me but sadly I have never been able to find it again. It was a book on beauty or sexuality after 50 whose title I can’t I recall but what I remember were these AMAZING photos of mature men and women who were very attractive, beautiful, sexy. I so want that book. If anyone know of it PLEASE let me know.
By K D on 06/06/2008 8:57 pm