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Q & A | 07/08/2008 12:00 am

The Unhappy Would-Be First Ladies

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Editor’s Note: Gail Collins is a columnist for The New York Times. To listen in on her conversation with Lesley Stahl, click the play button above.

LESLEY: Can we talk about First Ladies? I’ve covered the White House for so many years, and I have had just nothing but sympathy for these women who take on this strange, unelected role. And they live in terror of making a mistake. And if any of them ever tried to influence policy they got smacked around. If one hair is out of place, my God the world was coming to an end. And now you have Cindy McCain and Michelle Obama as candidates, both running as First Lady candidates. If you were to write a column giving them advice, what would you tell each of them?

It's really only been since Jackie Kennedy that there's been this idea that the family life of the president is such a central thing.

GAIL: Oh, they know what they’ve gotten into by now. They don’t need my help. But I did wonder, during the primaries when everyone was getting so bent out of shape about Bill Clinton, this running amok, this must be that his heart surgery made him a new, strange, crazy person. There was just all this kind of speculation about why he was behaving in such an erratic fashion. I think it was just an alpha guy trying to deal with the role of First Lady, which as you said is a horrible role that requires so much self-control and so much humility and stomping on your own personality. It’s a very, very difficult thing to do. And clearly he’s not really a person that’s going to be able to do it all that well.

LESLEY: Both Cindy and Michelle are very strong women. Both have their own successful careers. Both have basically raised their children by themselves, because their husbands have come to Washington and the family didn’t move here, in both cases. So I can imagine both of them being used to running offices, and in Cindy’s case, running a company, that it’s especially difficult and closer to Bill Clinton than, say, Nancy Reagan was.

GAIL: I can’t think of them as Michelle and Cindy. I’m sorry. I saw Mrs. McCain in 2000, and she looked very, very, very unhappy. I mean, not in a sulking way.

Click here to read Nobody, Including Barack Obama Himself, Expected It, with Lesley Stahl and Gail Collins.

LESLEY: Even before South Carolina?

GAIL: Yeah. Sort of – not necessarily scared but just clearly a person who did not feel that this was the place that she wanted to be in the world, but trying very hard to do it. And Michelle Obama is clearly doing an amazing job of just trying to deal with this. But she doesn’t seem to be happy either. And we’ve heard a lot about how she’s told him that she won’t do this again. That this is the one time – if he doesn’t win this time they have to go back and have a saner life. But it’s a very, very difficult job.

LESLEY: Cindy McCain said exactly that last time.

GAIL: It’s true. That does tend to get washed away with the waves of time. But this is a very modern thing. Until Eleanor Roosevelt, there were only one or two First Ladies in all of American history who made an impact, who people could even have recognized or identified. And it’s really only been since Jackie Kennedy that there’s been this idea that the family life of the president is such a central thing. But I still don’t think that there’s … that when it comes down to it, people vote on the basis of a First Lady. I think sometimes they take the things that they like or don’t like about the candidate and kind of push that into or pull that out of, you know, the First Lady candidate. But I just don’t think that it’s going to be a big deal.

299 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

beverly linens
JC B, would you be specific? My memory isn’t good enough to remember exactly what you mean. Thank you!
By beverly linens on 07/08/2008 12:54 am
DeBúrca obj
Hillary (as first lady at the time) was criticized for being too serious, not being very relaxed and warm with people, not connecting well with an audience. Those same qualities were praised in Dole and his “seriousness” and lack of warmth and connection with people were used as examples of him being a concentrated, serious leader and not a calculating “politician”. Then Mrs. Dole was praise for her warmth with people and even was said to have a core of steel yet ability to cover it up with a warm, likeable veneer. Those qualities in her were described as positive, the core of steel as evidence of her political abilities and intelligence and her ability to soften it up with warmth a great quality in public life for connecting with people. Those exact qualities… a core of steel, high intelligence and sharp mind, wrapped in an aura of warmth and great ability to connect with people and audiences…. was used by the media pundits as evidence of some sort of two-faced “slickness” in Bill Clinton.
By DeBúrca obj on 07/08/2008 8:53 am
beverly linens
JC B, I think you are right.
By beverly linens on 07/08/2008 9:06 am
beth willis
And now Mrs. Dole is a United States Senator who seems to have become invisible except for her run for re-election. I used to be such an admirer of Elizabeth Dole, thought she headed the Red Cross efficiently, but then all my information came from the media. We really need to raise our standards above “at least they were only convicted of one felony…I was going to say misdemeanor, but I’m not sure how to spell it. I am not lumping Senator Dole with felons; she’s probably doing great legislation, just not on the front page of the newspaper. Peace and grace
By beth willis on 07/08/2008 1:10 pm
Frannie Em
Beth Was she in Congress during his election? Can’t remember.
By Frannie Em on 07/08/2008 5:55 pm
DeBúrca obj
I don’t think so, I think she ran after he lost the election.
By DeBúrca obj on 07/09/2008 12:18 pm
GEORGE WU, A.I.A.
I LIKE CINDY AS A PERSON VERY MUCH. BECAUSE SHE IS GIVING!—-DANCEWU(DOT)NET
By GEORGE WU, A.I.A. on 07/08/2008 12:59 am
Bonnie Oliver
There are so many comments made by Gail Collins that are debatable that I hardly know where to begin. First of all, that comment that the First Family has not been “a central thing” before Jackie Kennedy is just outright incorrect. The Roosevelt families (both of them) were items of gossip and social comment. Alice Roosevelt, daughter of TR, was probably the most famous woman in America for a time. And all of Eleanor’s children were commented on by Louella Parsons to Walter Winchell. I also disagree with Ms. Collins statement Eleanor Roosevelt was the first First Lady, other than a couple of exceptions, to have “made an impact”. Really? Martha, Dolly, Abigail, Rachel Jackson, Mary Todd, Edith Wilson and probably a few more have certainly “made an impact” on the history of the nation. I do not think Ms. Collins is a very good historian. The interview of Mrs. McCain by Newsweek but not commented on by Ms. Collins does explain why Mrs. McCain after joining her husband in Washington when they were first married and then shunned by so many in the Washingtonian establishment, chose to return to Arizona to not only take charge of her inherited business but to raise her children in Arizona….a deliberate decision to avoid the DC world. I would not object if either Mrs. McCain or Mrs. Obana chose to live part of the year away from the White House. Certainly Cindy McCain with her charity of “Smile” (she founded the charity that helps children around the world who are born with a deformed cleft palate to have corrective surgery) and her obligations as a CEO might very held keep her away from Washington. However, I am sure that if either lady does not take her position as First Lady in the White House as a full-time job then she will be criticized by much of the public. And that really is a shame.
By Bonnie Oliver on 07/08/2008 1:09 am
Frannie Em
Bonnie, Jackie Kennedy was always trying to escape from Washington and wanted her children to grow up outside of Washington. She wanted them to have more normal lives. She didn’t want to have to participate in all the lunches with women, etc. She avoided as much as she could.
By Frannie Em on 07/08/2008 1:20 am
Bonnie Oliver
Frannie Em - You are right. I also remember after she had the stillborn birth (Patrick) that she went on a long cruise with her sister and I do believe it was on the Onassis yacht. There was not a lot of publicity about it and the “press” was not asking JFK or Salinger everyday when she would return. I don’t think a First Lady today could escape so easily today. The paparazzi would be waiting in every port of call.
By Bonnie Oliver on 07/08/2008 1:44 am
No Way-No How -No McCain
Patrick wasn’t stillborn, he lived for two days and was transported from Walter Reed to a Boston specialist with JFK going back and forth between both locations. Both he and Jackie were crushed by Patrick’s death. Cardinal Cushing and everyone close to JFK said at the funeral he could barely let go of the casket and he was tremendously upset for Jackie, and that’s why he wanted her to have the cruise and sent their friend, FDR, Jr. along so that it wouldn’t look bad. Arabella was Jackie’s first baby before Caroline, and that baby was stillborn. When Patrick died Jackie said to Jack that the thing she couldn’t take was if anything happened to him. Two months later he was dead too. Both of those babies are buried at Arlington next to JFK and Jackie. John Jr, of course, was buried at sea. I had a very lucky break the first time went to the Kennedy Library. Was in Salem on business and had a free afternoon so went into Boston. I arrived just as they were locking the doors for a special “Friends of the library” tour/event. I spotted Dave Powers who was one of JFK’s closest friends from when he first ran for Congress. He was the first curator of the library. He was standing apart from a group in the foyer in knife pleated gray fannel slacks, a blue blazer, red foulard tie and I a red and white pin striped shirt. Very slim and fresh. I went over and introduced myself and said came all the way from California, there’s no greater Kennedy fan, my first visit, etc. I don’t think it hurt that I was in my 20s and nicely dressed. He winked and said, “Go stand with the group.” And shook my hand. It was a tremendous tour. He had that great Boston voice, and at every photo or special item he had a personal story. He said (Jackie was still alive then) that from the moment he first heard JFK talk about Jackie he knew that she was going to be ‘it.’ Jack had taken out photos to show Dave Powers and he said he was really crazy about her, that he admired her tremendously, and Powers thought Jackie reminded JFK of his greatly beloved sister, Kick, who’d died in an airplane crash. It was a super tour and Dave Powers was a complete darling of a man…I don’t think they make men like him anymore. The last time was at the library all the exhibits had been redone so when walk in it’s like the 60s, you hear the sounds and see icons from that era, and JFK campaign slogans etc then it continues onto replications of WH settings. His sailboat is at an angle outside facing the bay. When my son was in grad school in Paris he worked for Jim Bitterman at ABC News. Pierre Salinger was no longer at ABC, but he came in a few times to go to lunch with Bitterman and he spoke with my son those times, thinking he was French. Then once my son said no, “I went to USF like you and know everything about the Kennedys from my mother.” [my son has dual US-French citizenship]. Pierre Salinger was married to a French woman and they owned a bed and breakfast in the South of France. Actually there was a lot of press about Jackie’s frequent travels away from the WH. [Just not Fox News type coverage]. But I think it was David Brinkley who said at the end of his newscast, “Good night Mrs Kennedy, wherever you are.”
By No Way-No How -No McCain on 07/08/2008 4:25 am
Frannie Em
Suzanne, Thank you for your perspective, I appreciate that.
By Frannie Em on 07/08/2008 5:53 pm
Bonnie Oliver
Postscript: I think I sounded a bit rude about Ms. Collins. I did not mean to be; she is certainly entitled to her own opinion as to the history of First Ladies. Sorry.
By Bonnie Oliver on 07/08/2008 4:56 am
beth willis
Bonnie, interesting insight. Your mention of Alice Roosevelt reminds me of that famous line attributed to her: “If you can’t say anything nice about someone, come over here and sit by me.” Peace and grace
By beth willis on 07/08/2008 8:16 am
Frannie Em
Beth, I love that, “If you can’t say anything nice about someone, come over here and sit by me.” LOL
By Frannie Em on 07/08/2008 6:00 pm