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06/27/2008 1:00 am

Culture

The New Catch-22 for Women

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Retirement: Will the money run out before we die, now that we live longer? Who will take care of us? Who will take care of anyone? Who do you have to take care of? And what do we think about money and retirement? These were some of the questions posed to the wOw women. Read on for the resulting conversation.

LIZ: The only way to retire is to have money; or to get old, or to get sick. I don’t think anybody can retire without money anymore, and it’s going to be proven now, in spades, with all of these people
retiring.

JANE: And I’m working on some information about going to Germany for stem cells for all of us. So when that happens, we’ll live close to forever. Stem cells are already being … being put into cosmetics and all kinds of things now. And we’ll be using them on the surface of our skin, and also taking injections.

LIZ: You’re quite right. They’re using them in all kinds of operations now, even though they haven’t been approved.

JANE: No, I know it. So I really think … that there is something out there that will make us live longer and we’ve got to get into it right now, and then worry about the money later. But if the stem cells really work, maybe we’ll be rejuvenated to the point where we’ll be able to work.

LIZ: The stem cell argument, an ethical argument, is still going on in lawmaking and in the United States and so forth. And yet people are already going around the world to have stem-cell operations. I have a friend who has cancer of the bladder and he’s given up on the usual
treatment and he’s gone to have stem cell … some kind of stem cell thing, at a place that he won’t tell where he went.

JANE: I’ve already had neuropeptides injections, which is the closest thing to stem cells, for the brain. And I can’t tell any difference, but hopefully it’s done something.

LIZ: Oh, I think you’re a lot smarter now than you used to be.

MARY: Did you do that in the United States?

JANE: No. The doctor was from Germany and came to a holistic doctor’s office here.

MARY: Well Germany does a lot of that, yes.

JANE: It was almost like a placebo effect, because I felt better doing something, you know? And I know he’s very respected in, I think it’s Frankfurt or Hamburg. And this is a place where, I think I’ve talked about it with you, Mary. Siegfried and Roy went for treatment after Roy’s accident.

MARY: Right.

JANE: … and we’re going to find out about it. There is someone here who can help us find out more about the treatments.

LIZ: And there’s that book … The Singularity Is Near: When Humans Transcend Biology by Ray Kurzweil.

JANE: He co-wrote a book about vitamins with a doctor. He takes over 200 vitamins a day.

MARY: We’re taking all his vitamins. You can get them on the Internet.

JANE: I know. I may switch to his regimen from Life Extension … well his book, I think it’s called Fantastic Voyage: Live Long Enough to Live Forever.

MARY: The late Dr. Helen Singer Kaplan said, "Some day, not too long from now, a group such as us will be sitting around and we’ll be saying, ‘Oh, think about 1990. People actually died back then.’"

LIZ: Oh, my God.

285 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

I hope to spend it all and that the last check I write is the first one I ever bounce.

By PeggySue on 06/27/2008 1:12 am

Ladies of Wow, When you find that magic stem cell or gene, let me know. I’m gonna need a kidney and sure would like it to be a perfect match so I don’t have to take anti-rejection drugs. I don’t need to live forever or look forever young. I just want my parts to work as long as my mind does.

By CARose on 06/27/2008 1:18 am

Amen!

By AndyC on 06/27/2008 9:44 am

C A Rose, I agreed with you automatically, that I want my parts to work as long as my mind does. Then my mind shook its head and realized that my parts don’t all work NOW. I’d have agreed with you when everything was fresh - and that’s not my criterion any more. The reverse, if anything. I want my mind to work as long as my body does.

By melesana on 06/28/2008 3:02 pm

The “bag lady” syndrome was pervasive in my discussions with female clients, regardless of the amount of money they had. Perhaps some of that fear is based in our tendency to put the financial needs of others, like children and parents, before those of ourselves. The fact that we have longer life expectencies and earn less than men makes it critical that we understand the importance of investing in capital markets or real estate - assets that have historically grown in excess of inflation. I sincerely hope this issue becomes a priority for women over 40.

By KO1 on 06/27/2008 1:18 am

Kitty, I’m assuming you are either an accountant or financial planner. Please keep preaching! Women and money is a strange topic. As I was fighting through my divorce I learned a lot about myself. I had worked most of my married life and earned a lot more than most of my generation. But as I worked and built two businesses I spent most of what I earned on family costs and investments. Without even realizing it I would take care of this as my husband was ending up with more and more disposable income. I started these businesses because I got tired of fight with my husband about money. That worked but I was always short. I almost want to say we need to learn to be a jackass about money. We were in partnership in a vacation home with a friend and his lawyer said he shouldn’t be in partnership with both of us. Legally that was true but for me who was going to be paying for it, it was stupid. I foolishly agreed to it. We have to learn to stay on our toes all the time. Our husbands are not necessarily going to be fair or even aware in how they deal with us. There was a time when moving from Dallas to the west coast he transferred our saving account which included money from both of our incomes and the proceeds from our home and it landed here in his name. I didn’t even notice until I went to withdraw $12,000 to make a down payment on a commercial property and he said no. I got mad but it didn’t change anything. We wrote off his toys against my business which reduced my contributions to social security, which reduced my retirement. It goes on and on. At the end I made no claim on his income or retirement but just asked to split our other assets 50/50 and he thought I was stealing from him. No he wasn’t a jerk or a thief he was just a man. He really believed he had earned it all. In his mind what I earned was his. I felt a need to be decent but he was fighting for his money, he wasn’t hampered by any such nonsense. I had been taking care of myself in every way except when it came to dealing with him. It was like someone was ripping my heart out to tell him NO. I don’t think I’m the only woman who has this problem. Every financial move I’ve made in the last 22 years has been in repairing the damage to my finances that the divorce caused. I’ve been lucky because I took care of most of our financial planning and business transactions through the years and knew what to do. I was smart and capable and cheated myself, I can only imagine what women feel like who actually depended on their husbands to take care of them. Thank you Kitty.

By beverlylinens on 06/27/2008 7:57 am

Hi Beverly, The fact that I’ve heard many versions of your story over the years does not mitigate my empathy for your situation. You are the poster girl for why this issue is so very important to me. I am a retired financial planner, and saw over the years a couple of disturbing behaviors over and over again. First, was, as in your situation, the “caretaker” syndrome, i.e., putting the interests of your husband over your own. The second - and this was evident in quotes from people as wealthy as Barbara Walters and Geraldine Ferraro, to the woman who ran audio visual at UCLA - was fear of being a bag lady. While I’m not a psychologist, I can say that I’ve seen this over and over again, and dedicated a significant part of my practice to eradicate this issue through education. A big part of that is the courage of people like you who share their stories. Thank you for that.

By KO1 on 06/27/2008 10:35 am

Been there, done that with other familily members and a husband. At least, I came out alive!!

By AgynessO on 06/27/2008 1:24 pm

Last night a lady friend said a 93 year old retired female physician acquaintance told her she was worried about the market’s poor performance ths year!

By DrMarkKlein on 06/27/2008 11:43 am

Are you here for comic relief? I don’t believe you exist.

By kermieb on 06/29/2008 4:53 am

Ok, here is the deal … some of us are already bag ladies in waiting. It is a little late now to worry if some of us are going to make it … we already live in the dregs … the economically disadvantaged already live the slums and we are broke …. the end. Smug white people kill me ….

By BlueCircleGirl on 06/27/2008 1:26 am

Just because we change the name of the CONDITION that does not mean we change the condition.

By BlueCircleGirl on 06/27/2008 1:29 am

No pay and no pension …. I am willing to bake you a cake and wash your dirty underpants … the sanctity of life and your monies nothing to do with stem cell research …..

By BlueCircleGirl on 06/27/2008 1:50 am

BlueCircleGirl - Your anger is almost visible. However, I am confused as to your meaning. Are you angry at wowowow for this topic or for the fact that most single working women do not have the comfort of a nest egg to help them through retirement?

By Bonnie Oliver on 06/27/2008 3:59 am

• alert me to replies to my comments

Or is you name Christine by chance?

By VivvyStewart on 06/27/2008 9:14 am

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