12/05/2009 11:30 am
Diet S.O.S. – Help Me Please, by Sheila Nevins
Have you advice for this rotund recidivist?
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Now, I’m not obese and am relatively well-preserved for my impatient advancing years (or so I like to think – who doesn’t?) and yet, I must confess that I am clearly overweight. The bathroom mirrors, catching my naked self, do not lie. No sooner do I leave the tub when I quickly wrap myself in a large bath towel. Can you imagine being fearful and dismayed by your own reflection? When I shop, I look for camouflage, not clothes. The saleslady who says "You look thin in that" has made a quick sale.
I’m not asking for skinny – though I did grow up to the constant refrain – "How do you eat so much?" meaning, "You eat so much, how do you stay so thin?" No more. My all-grown-up size does not elicit such comments. The best I can hope for is, "You’re not fat really," and frankly this is simply a lie. I am fat. F-A-T.
You could say I should simply adjust to my newfound post-menopausal-mean-spirited plumpness. But I can’t. You see, it is a sign of defeat. An admission of acceptance of less than my very best. A profound recognition of being out of control. The fact, simply emerging, that I am a victim of my own victimization. That I am lazy and slothful. That this "lardiness" is not under my control. As a control freak these notions are unacceptable, intolerable. Me? Can’t be me.
And yet, by God, it is the very me, myself and I. Damn it. You see I cannot resist the temptation of food – good sweet morsels. One cookie is not enough. Ice cream must have sprinkles. And when I return home, the cold-hearted refrigerator is an automatic destination spot. "Now, where did I put the fudge?"
I don’t even need real food to be this plebian foodie. I can binge on cereal. I can take a frozen bagel, douse it with a honey cure from my last cold. I can send to the Mansion Diner for apple-crumb cake (at a moment’s notice, at a nanosecond) and then obsess on the length of delivery time. "Did they hear me?" "Should I call again?" "Should I cancel my order?" No. Absolutely not. Never cancel food. Pointless. My ancestors were starving people. This would be disrespectful.
What is this destructive urge to fill the vacuum that is already full? Do I need an analyst? (It’s too late.) Why do some people leave edible food on their plates? Why do skinny girls fill up so quickly? Why is bread only good with butter? Why do I go on automatic pilot when food – McDonald’s or Pheasant – is put in front of me? I do not discriminate. To be served is to eat. To eat is to complete.
Is there a movie without a large size Raisinette or Kit Kat to devour? Is there a birthday without that extra piece of cake? "Oh I shouldn’t, but I will" – and I do. Is there a moment that can’t be filled with a Dunkin Donut Hole – and then another?
Calling all Women of wOw, successful dieters, tell me: What is your secret? Should I succumb to this Size 14 or struggle to regain my Size 10 mothy jeans waiting patiently for the good old days while gathering mildew in my closet? Let’s face it, I can barely pull these pants over my monstrous middle.
Do I just toss this "weightfulness" to the wind, so little time to partake of pleasure, so few sweets in life, and just adjust to my plentitude and eat on? Or do I try to control my desires and close my mouth to mastication and continue to pursue the impossible –maybe possible – dream of loss, a leaner, smaller me.
I am the personification of a gluttonous Thanksgiving – stuffing down my own stuffing. I am the gift of Christmas present and future that keeps on eating. Bah humbug. Come New Year’s Eve I’ll resolve to diet. Come New Year’s Day – I’ll spontaneously eat.
Have you advice for this rotund recidivist? Happy holidays gals. I’ll be unbuttoning my pants and loosening my bra and not for any romantic adventure – alas.
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Shelia to be 100% honest with you and myself I wish I could help us both. I’ve not gain in the legs, butt, arms, but since the Breast Cancer my belly looks like it did when I was pregnant with my son. My back is so out of wack I can’t do exercises that need the use of the back so basically almost every exercise other then swimming and walking are out.
All I can do is watch what I eat and pray it will the stomach will shrink to a size that can be covered and maybe not noticed. Though I doubt that will ever happen without surgery.
I wish you luck in your quest, Merry Christmas, your in on my prayer list. :)
1. I cook my own food with the exception of the occasional meal out when the children visit.
2. I do not drink any kind of alcohol EVER (I was raised by drunks and refused to become my parents)
3. stomach has undergone three major surgeries for cancer, one for c-section to ensure safe delivery of my son because I had uterine cancer, second for hysterectomy at the age of 28, third for removal of portion of stomach, intestine, and another organ which escapes me at the minute.
These is the reason my stomach is out of shape, the muscles have been cut three different times, between the surgeries and chemo I’ve been told the only thing that can be done is another surgery to reshape and remove all the scare tissue. It is not out of neglect on my part, but from 28 years of being sick. And this last go around with Breast Cancer and Chemo took more out of me then I can even tell you, between the depression, and side affects of the chemo I’m lucky to still be on this planet.
I work everyday at both my spiritual and physical health. On a good day (weather wise) I walk 3 miles with my dogs, I read at least one book a week aside from my Bible study. I spend time on my writing and research everyday if I am up to it and I make time everyday to speak to my younger sister and both my children.
For you to assume I’m afraid or a coward is wrong and hurtful, you don’t even know me. If you did you would see how very wrong you are. I’m a strong woman who has endured through more then most. I’ve had friends who’ve killed themselves over a few things I’ve been through. I was kidnapped as a young child, rapped as a teen, hit by a car twice before 19, in 6 car accidents and all before 25. And I went on to graduate from college, Join the Navy, marry have two great kids, survive 3 forms of cancer, divorced a cheating lying sob of a husband and I’m still here today to tell you, your wrong to tell me I’m afraid.
The only thing I’m afraid of is the cancer will come back gain and this time I won’t have it in me to win.
Now I’m going to go walk my dogs and look for the snow they called for and I bid you good nite.
First of all, if you want to eat a particular something, then go ahead and enjoy it. If you realize that some foods you only eat because they happen to be in your environment and not because you really enjoy them, remove the culprits! Figure out if you are eating when you are hungry or just as a filler (pun intended) activity.
The cookie jar at my house now only contains granola bars. I will never forget the day one of the neighborhood girls came in, took one look at the jar and said ‘Mrs. Tears, where are the E.L. Fudges?’ They were great to dunk in my tea, but really I can thrive without them. My daughter and I came to the decision about the cookies together so we are a support system for each other.
It is true that the more active you are, the less you feel like eating. My avatar buddy and I start each day with a 2.5 mile walk in a lovely seaside park with great trails and some nice hills for extra cardio work. I always park way out in a parking lot and enjoy the distance into the store/mall. I participate in a free weight class 3 times a week. I have found the camaraderie of the class improves the experience and keeps my attendance near perfect. On days of rain or when the winter is bitterly cold I do an hour of cardio at the gym on the elliptical.
Regarding the large plate of a holiday meal, fill it and enjoy it. Then eat an equally full plate of salad right after - you won’t feel so stuffed and you feel less inclined to have much dessert.
These are all small changes, but in the last few years these changes have made me lose a solid size in jeans (yippee!), my body is nicely sculpted (still curvy, but less jiggly), my attitude is positive and I enjoy my life so much more.
Consider what small changes might work best for you and give them a try. Good luck and keep enjoying life no matter what!
Green Tears has great suggestions. Here’s another:
As boooooring as it is, lift weights. Muscle burns more calories even at rest, than does fatty tissue. And some believe it helps stave off osteoporosis, but even if it doesn’t, a little extra muscle is great for your figure and allows you to do things for yourself and stay independent later in life.
The timing of exercise was critical for me. It has to be the first thing in the morning or there are too many distractions. I get up at 5 a.m. and I am at our local recreation center by 5:30. I started walking again when my father-in-law went in the nursing home. I struggled with the first mile. Now I am up to three miles a day at an inside track. I also do weights and the leg press for another half hour. I am down 26 pounds even after Thanksgiving. I still have another 30 pounds to lose but each week I can see a difference in the way my clothes fit.
For me, it was all about pleasure substitution. (well not ALL about that, I stumbled onto other things that helped as well.) I was eating for so many reasons that had nothing to do with hunger, as many of us do. Not the least of which was at some point to punish myself…for eating so much. I had to find things that stood in for those nano-seconds of pleasure when you first put the chocolate graham cracker into your mouth.
But, first, I stopped dieting. Forbidden fruit - or cookies and cake - became bidden. This is a tough nut to swallow, maybe the hardest part of this technique. For a few weeks I ate more but then, when I’d force myself to take 5 seconds and assess whether I really wanted it - I didn’t.
Next, I started substituting the seconds of pleasure I would get from tasting the food (followed by the self-loathing). When you overeat and gain weight the two don’t immediately coincide, and when you abstain you don’t magically shed pounds the next minute either. So you need something else to reward yourself, but almost more than that, to give you immediate gratification, a visceral feeling of pleasure that takes the place of that brownie.
I would buy myself a trinket, or watch my favorite dvr’d guilty pleasure. Then once I’d lost a few pounds, I had more effective substitutes. At night, my most vulnerable time, I’d put on the one pair of pants that was now fitting a little looser, parade in front of the mirror, and soak in the pleasure of the moment. It actually replaced the sensation of eating, long enough to move on.
Other tricks that helped: I got used to getting that brownie, eating a few bites, then throwing it away. It felt wasteful, but really, it’s NOT wasteful to have it sitting in my stomach? This way I got the seconds of pleasure, then the gratification of not overdoing it.
I started walking everywhere. I DON’T live in a seaside resort, but I strapped on my ipod (at the time it was a walkman, I’m totally dating myself), cranked it up, and walked the streets of Manhattan. Now, it’s the ipod and cell phone, and I try to save returning some calls for my stride time, although the streets of New York are THE noisiest place to conduct business over the phone. Central Park works best. Better, though, is the music, that moves my legs for me. Beyonce, and Pink and all those power girrrls help me power walk. Over the last few years I’ve taken up pilates and that’s made me stronger, but the walking at top volume is what makes the blood pump and my heart sing.
Overall, I’d say the gradual process of not relying on food as the main quick fix source of instant pleasure was what ultimately led me to take food or leave it. I never thought I’d be that person, and sometimes I still slip into chocoholic mode again, but usually not for long. I’m not model thin, but I do okay for a woman of middle years. I feel healthy, stronger than I ever have, and even wear skinny jeans from time to time.
Good luck.
I believe a person can talk about losing weight but until they decide on their own that they’ve had enough the words are meaningless. The first step to losing weight is a strong commitment. If you don’t have that you’ll keep setting yourself up for disappointment.
Good luck to you. If you really want to lose weight you will.