03/09/2010 5:00 pm
Life
Triumph of the Ex-Wives Club
"The First Wives Club"
Courtesy of Paramount Home Entertainment
Editor’s Note: Erica Manfred is the author of He’s History; You’re Not: Surviving Divorce After Forty. She is also wOw’s "Divorce Doctor," answering your divorce questions on wowOwow.com. You can ask Erica your question at submit@wowowow.com. Visit her at www.heshistory.com.
So how many divorcées were cheering for Kathryn Bigelow at the Academy Awards? She proves that getting an Oscar is the best revenge – especially when you beat out your ex for the award.
For those of you who don’t follow Hollywood gossip, Bigelow and James Cameron were once married for two years in the late ’80s. Cameron, who directed "Avatar" and "Titanic," has been married five times. He has a pattern of dumping wives when he starts a new film and meets another woman on the set who intrigues him.
| Bigelow is just one example of a woman who blossomed after being left by a powerful husband. |
While he was making "Titanic," he was married to Linda Hamilton. He met his current wife, Suzy Amis, on the set and left Hamilton for her. According to an interview with Hamilton in Britain’s Daily Mail, "He always wants what he can’t have — at least as far as women are concerned."
Cameron also has a reputation as the scariest man in Hollywood. On the set of "True Lies," he is reputed to have warned the cast that they were risking their jobs if they took a bathroom break. He terrorized Kate Winslet to the extent that she vowed never to work with him again. His arrogance is legendary. He was caught on tape saying to a fan who wanted an autograph, "I don’t owe you a fucking signature. Just get out of my fucking personal space." OK, he does make great movies — "Titanic" and "Avatar" were among Hollywood’s all-time best — but maybe Bigelow’s win was the revenge of the Ex-Wives Club. I can’t help but wonder — of the female Academy members, how many of them are divorced? Chances are that many, if not most, of them are members of the "First Wives Club." They know Cameron’s reputation and voting for "Hurt Locker" must have had at least a little frisson of "first-wife retribution."
I may be one of the only people who actually saw "Hurt Locker" prior to the Academy Awards. I try to see all the films, but I hate war movies and only saw this one because a friend wanted to come over and see it with me on Pay Per View. It WAS one of the most amazing movies ever — it gave you an almost cinema verité sense of what it was like to be in Iraq during the war — and a visceral sense of why men can’t adjust to civilian life after war. It was painful to watch but I’ll never forget it. Should it have won best picture? Despite my membership in the First Wives Club, I still think "Avatar" should have gotten best picture — it was an astounding, magical, groundbreaking film, like the first "Star Wars." Post "Avatar," films will never be the same again. That said, if any picture had to win over "Avatar," I’m sure glad it was "Hurt Locker."
I couldn’t help noticing the difference between Bigelow and Amis at the Awards. Bigelow was gorgeous and glowing. Amis was thin, wan and looked like she might have been ill — or anorexic. Marriage to a control freak can be bad for your health. Bigelow is just one example of a woman who blossomed after being left by a powerful husband. Even though being left is excruciatingly painful, it can also force a woman to get out of her comfort zone and take chances. Whether an ex-wife directs an Oscar-winning film, or starts a business, or travels the world, or goes back to school for her degree, it’s amazing how well we can do on our own, when we don’t have to cater to someone else’s enormous ego.
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I also saw "Hurt Locker" before the Oscars. There have been some veterans who were in the same kind of squadron, doing the same kind of work that say it is highly exaggerated, and then there are others that say it’s a pretty accurate portrayal. As with most things, there are always different takes.
I found the film riveting. But it’s a one time show––at least for me. It will be interesting to see what else Bigelow has up her sleeve. About a week later I saw "Taking Chance" a film about a man who volunteers to bring a dead soldier back to his home town. It’s a quiet film, but heaped with emotion and I cried from almost the beginning. One film full of fire, the other flames of a different sort.
As far as divorcee’s getting on after––-women, although it has taken them a long time to discover it––do extremely well without men. The lucky ones are those that find another partner that is really a partner and not some blood-sucker that uses you up and tosses you out.
I would like to think Kathryn Bigelow won because she was the best director & not that she may have received votes from ex’s as a form of revenge. I saw The Hurt Locker last summer and I immediately told people it was a film to see. At the end of the ‘09 film season I thought it was the best of the year & Bright Star, another movie directed by a woman, my 2nd favorite.
Kathryn Bigelow won all her awards because she was the best.
I’m glad a woman won. The fact that she beat her ex-husband was just icing on the cake. My ex-husband was a total control freak down to my making sure the salt shaker was within his reach. My second husband is the total opposite. He has no problem fending for himself. And therein lies the rub. He is too accepting. He accepted that I saw our marriage as over. And I thought it was. We have both learned that it is not, not by far. But, if he had been just a little bit demanding maybe we wouldn’t have all these troubled waters under our bridge going forward. There must be some happy medium somewhere. But, at least we’re on the bridge together.
We saw "Hurt Locker" last night. It was excting at times but I didn’t like how the main character found it so easy to walk out on his family. He fought for the little Iraqi boy yet he found it in his heart to walk away from his own son and run the risk of leaving him fatherless. Hard to reconcile those 2 actions.
I don’t care for war movies, and had no intentions of seeing Foot Locker. I’ve only seen one war movie that I really liked. It’s been years and the name escapes me now. Dead Men Walking, or something like that, maybe? Anyway, after reading all the comments about Foot Locker, I’ve changed my mind. I suppose I will have to make an exception and see this one.
I’m glad Kathryn Bigelow won, if the movie is as good as everyone says. And I’m sure the fact that she beat out her ex was wonderful for her. But that part doesn’t make any difference to me. I don’t know them personally, so ….. At least a female director was finally recognized. And whether it was because it was a war movie or not, it’s opened the door for other females. And the timing couldn’t have been better!
Congratulations to Kathryn Bigelow!
I doubt it was "revenge of the ex-wives" at work but what it may have been was all the more ironic given who handed out the award. Big egos in Hollywood often have big falls from the pedestal of the academy. And so there may have been a statement being made about James Cameron’s "attitude" the way there was about Barbara Streisand’s "attitude" and revenge in Hollywood s often a dessert served cold and often served at the Academy Awards. The little people do pay the taxes. They also nominate and vote in Hollywood. Something the big people forget.
I too noticed the difference between Bigelow and Amis at the awards, and it was striking wasn’t it? Amis looked gaunt and sickly. I kept thinking, "Is that what men find sexy?"
I didn’t want Bigelow to win in any way as a stick to Cameron, so I can’t agree with you on that point Erica. Especially at our age we should strive to move beyond petty and childish emotions like that. We should in my opinion, have rooted for her to win so she would be a first, a trail-blazer for other female directors to follow.
I don’t think being an ex had anything to do with it. Just a coincidence since Cameron told Bigelow about it is what I read. Cameron has married at leas three strong women (Hurd, Bigelow and Hamilton, meaning, they work in a man’s world). Don’t know about his first wife or Amis now that she’s an at home wife. Cameron always has strong women in his movies so I’m sure he appreciates women. Sigourney Weaver says he’s as hard on himself as he is on everybody else.
So I believe Bigelow got the award because she was the best director with difficult material that told a story where it was always clear what the actors were doing and how they felt in the midst of all that danger.