A Very Odd Way To Leave a Family
Dear Margo: I have just begun an entirely new stage in my life and am feeling caught between the old and the new. First of all, I married very young (at 21), three months into an accidental pregnancy. I stayed with my husband for 16 years while we raised our son, although my husband and I never got along as well as we did prior to our marriage. After we married, there was virtually no romance and very little sex. I dropped out of college to get married, which I regret to this day.
Last winter, I met a man through a friend and became infatuated. I had an affair with him for four months before I found out I was pregnant again. He wouldn’t hear of ending the pregnancy. I didn’t know what else to do, so I left my husband and bought an apartment with this man in another state. I did not tell my husband or my son that I was leaving and have not spoken to either of them since.
Last week, my son called me. I ignored that call and the next eight (he doesn’t give up easily), as I was unsure how to handle the situation. And that’s why I’m writing. My son and I have always gotten along pretty well, though he tends to be a little unstable at times and is rather anxious. Should I let my son back into my life, or is he better off not knowing what happened? — Starting Again
Dear Start: Outside of an abusive situation, I have never heard of a woman just disappearing, with her husband and teenage son having no idea where she is or why she left. I think they are entitled to know you have walked out for good, are not coming back and are not in harm’s way. I assume your son has your cell number, which you apparently didn’t change, and I wonder why your husband has not phoned you at all.
I not only think a divorce is in order, but a reconnection with your son is a must. If you find him “a little unstable” and anxious now, imagine the scenario if he never gets any answers. Your “solution” to your troubles strikes me as irresponsible and selfish. No child could be “better off” not knowing why his mother left him. I suggest you answer the phone — or better yet, call him. – Margo, depressingly
Way Too Young To Give Up
Dear Margo: I’m writing to you because there is no one I can objectively talk to. I’m a 51-year-old gay male, and I’ve never successfully dated or been in a relationship. To make a long story short, I once heard that a man in his early 50s in the gay world might as well be 80, and evidence seems to bear that out. I’m lucky that I have friends and this city has a large gay population. I wonder whether I would be wasting my time trying to date anymore. It does seem very late in life to be doing that. — Probably Done in Denver
Dear Prob: If this letter had come from a 51-year-old straight female, I would say the same thing: One is never too old to meet a romantic partner. I am somewhat curious as to why, when you were younger, there were no “successful dates,” so you might want to review that situation and take an honest self-inventory. As with both men and women, gay and straight, not every middle-aged single is looking for a cupcake (my designation for someone younger and hot looking). Just put yourself out there with activities and affinity groups, and be an interested listener. Forget what you “once heard,” and decide your quest is not Mt. Everest. It is merely to find a comfortable companion. – Margo, optimistically
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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via the online form at www.creators.com/dear-margo.html. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
COPYRIGHT 2012 MARGO HOWARD
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