← Dear Margo: For Better or for Worse — but Not for Hospitals?
LW1-This is gong to be awhile-her husband is probably suffering from hospital anxiety. I am a disabled RN, and I have seen relatives of patients that had a really hard time going to visit, meanwhile others LOVE visiting WHOEVER in the hospital. (they fall into the ‘wedding’ ‘funeral’ ‘hospital’ people who get all the gossip, catch up with rarely seen others at these places. Visiting in the hospital for them is a social event.) Meanwhile, I was in a diabling accident where I has hospitalized for a while,and a few years ago, my husband was in surgery for 4 hours past the time said (I know surgery can run a little late, but I KNEW WHEN IT STARTED.) AND nearly died on the table. He has had more surgery afterwards, and I am phobic in the hospital when he, I or my kids go to the hospital for ANYTHING! And yes, I have therapy for my anxieties. This LW’s husband had a wife DIE OF CANCER! He is probably RELIVING the AGONY of her hospitalizations when ever his current wife goes in! He is ‘waiting’ for that DR to come out and give BAD NEWS! He is not getting away with ‘murder’ but is probably suffering at home, where he is in MORE CONTROL! Encourage him to seek therapy or if not, ask your DR. to assure him! I had minor surgery this year, and the DRs. and nurses calmed my anxieity about it! (I told them I was DREADING THE SURGERY.)
Okay, the next L, LW2- bad LW for me, I have experience with both LWs. My brother did not sexual abuse me… but, he threatened to kill us (father died when I was 7, so just me and my mother.) My mother was afraid he would rape me, but it NEVER HAPPENED. He continued to go in and out of places and schools growing up, stealing from us, threatening us, and making life a living hell when I was growing up. I still live in the same town, house-my mother passed a while ago. And every once in a while, someone asks ‘how is your brother’? I tell them the truth, as in, I HAVE NOT HAD CONTACT WITH HIM FOR YEARS and I perfer that. End of story. People I meet, I say I do not have any siblings, because in my mind, he never treated me like a sister, we never had that sibling relationship, it was that of a victim, abuser. By telling anyone OUTSIDE OF THOSE CLOSE TO ME, I am still playing to being his victim. The LW should just say ‘I don’t know how he is, and that is GOOD FOR ME.’ If someone persists in asking why, she can either just change the subject or say..’It makes me uncomfortable talking about it with those WHO ARE NOT CLOSE TO ME.’
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