Dear Margo: I’ve been married for almost 10 years. We recently had a baby, and my husband’s a great dad. Over the past couple of years, though, I’ve started feeling very lonely. When he comes home from work, he spends a couple of hours with me that feel forced. Then he spends the rest of his waking hours in his home office until 4 or 5 a.m. I have slept alone in our bed every single night for two years, including the entire time I was pregnant.
I have discussed this with him, but to no avail. He blows it off, gets upset with me or promises to work on a change (which never comes). Each time after our talks, he will spend one day being super-sweet to me, and then it’s back to the status quo. It has become a running joke (to him) for me to ask him to go to bed with me and for him to patronize me with a smile, call me silly and send me off to bed alone. To top it off, while I was pregnant I found a text from him to a female co-worker asking her to skip work and go to a movie with him. He offered her a ride to work one day, telling me at the time that he was taking “some people” to work.
If he had not been secretive about these things, I never would have been suspicious. I feel like I deserve to be married to someone who wants to be with me, and though he says he does, I feel his actions prove otherwise. I’ve asked friends for advice, and they think I should not be putting up with this, so I was hoping for a neutral POV. — Miserable
Dear Mis: To tell you the truth, I don’t know how you got pregnant. I also don’t know whether he’s carrying on with the co-worker. But I will tell you this: He is acting like a rent-a-dad who is your roommate. There is so much wrong with this set-up that I would recommend a separation because I get a strong vibe that counseling is not in the cards. One of you should move to a place nearby so you can co-parent, and the time apart will clarify what the final outcome should be. (And I agree with your friends.) — Margo, forwardly
The Curse of Three?
Dear Margo: I feel like Calamity Jane and want to stop feeling sorry for myself. In the course of one day last week, the following things happened: The dog ran away, the baby threw up on a silk chair, and I forgot about a roast chicken in the oven and only remembered it when the smoke alarm went off. When my husband came home, I was a head case. I told him about my day from hell, and he just laughed. I wanted to brain him, but thought better of it. By the way, do you believe that bad things happen in threes? — Beleaguered
Dear Be: I gotta give it to you: That’s a rotten day. Stuff happens (to everyone), and if we’re lucky, these things are not piled one on top of the other. Of course, you know that the mishaps on that particular day were not of the disastrous kind. (Well, maybe the dog.) And I think I do believe in the “3’s” thing because it seems to have proved out, often with airplane crashes. I also know that such things are coincidences. Hope today is a great day! — Margo, steadily
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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via the online form at www.creators.com/dear-margo.html. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
COPYRIGHT 2012 MARGO HOWARD
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