Naive or Dense? That is the Question
Dear Margo: I have a strong hunch that my husband’s boss is trying to get chummy with me. Whenever there’s a business function where spouses are included, this man generally makes a beeline for me and is very solicitous. “Can I get you a drink?” “Tell me how your little one is.” He stays glued to my side until someone takes him away. (This man is divorced, by the way, so there is no jealous wife I can count on to save me.) I have mentioned this to my husband, who pooh-poohs it. He says his boss is really paying him the compliment by paying attention to me. OK, that’s the background.
Last week, this man wanted to meet me for a drink. He called and said he finds me so interesting that he’d like to know more about me. I begged off, saying now was a particularly busy time for me. Of course, I told my husband about this, and — because everything’s about him — he suggested I reconsider because it would solidify his position with his boss! I am not going anywhere with this man. And my question to you is twofold: What is wrong with my husband, and what do you think of his argument? — Corporate Wife
Dear Corp: I do not know what is wrong with your husband, but I do know his logic is faulty. His interpretation of the situation is akin to imagining that a dinosaur died, standing up, in a museum of natural history. Your husband’s mindset, in the kindest light, is, shall we say, trusting. It would be too disturbing to think he would be willing to offer you up as a sacrifice to advance his career. (PS: I am familiar with the “everything’s about me” type, so your husband might very well be clueless.)
I think what you need to do is grow him up a little by explaining that he is being naive and that the attentions from his boss to you are not without guile. And to send a message to the man on the make, I would suggest, at the next function, that you greet him cordially and then excuse yourself because you see someone across the room to whom you must relay a message. — Margo, definitively
When a Friend Neglects To Mention She’s Married
Dear Margo: About a year ago, I reconnected with a friend I knew in high school. Within that year, she and her boyfriend became engaged (or perhaps they were already). Recently, while looking around on Facebook, I saw photos from her wedding reception. Now, I can understand why I wouldn’t be invited — we only just recently reconnected. But not to mention it at all? That’s weird, right? How should I acknowledge the fact that she is married now? I don’t know if I should just invite her out for a celebratory drink or continue being in touch with her without bringing up the wedding. — Bewildered About the Bride
Dear Be: Unless this “new” old friend has tried to break off contact with you, which doesn’t sound like the case, there are only a few possibilities. She might feel sensitive about not having been able to invite you to the wedding, so she just doesn’t bring it up. There is also the possibility that she assumes you already know. It is a bit odd for a new bride not to talk about it, but I suppose that’s preferable to her nattering on about every little detail. But onward. To move things along, you might ask her a question about married life, and then it will no longer be the thing that is not discussed. And by all means, go for that celebratory drink. — Margo, chattily
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to email@example.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
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