"…hi ya mister, how ‘bout a laptop dance huh? Yeah, I gotta hurry tho so’s I’m not keepin Johnny Dollar waitin. He did buy me this getup an all, see, so I gotta be nice to’em, know what I mean?"

So you say I can surf with this thing on my lap here? Well then, that’s nice. But let me ask you…what is surfing, and what is this thing on my lap? 

Her name…was Ruby, and I could tell at a glance that she was off the rails. She was here because she thought her laptop security had been penetrated, but at the moment it was my firewall that was under attack. I had recently lost my sidekick to a dame like this, and it looks like my cookies are now on the plate.

She was a browser with a history, all right, and clearly no easy mark for a virus. I didn’t have to go on Safari to tell that this was no Chrome-plated, Google-eyed SeaMonkey singing me her own little Opera; this was a sleek little Firefox - with the coat to prove it.

I killed the smoke alarm and proceeded to scan her main storage for malware, but she looked like she’d never set foot in a mall. Next I started looking for a rootkit, but they can be harder to find than good barbecue at a Sushi Bar. After phishing around for a while, the clouds parted and I could see the problem staring back at me like freckles on a polar bear…

Hover over the links even if you do not want to follow them. They are like little Easter Eggs that help explain some word choices. ;-D