This past summer, a relative died, and my cousins Jayne and Joanne and I went to the wake and funeral. On the way back from the wake in the car, we started discussing the need to share our own plans for - ahem - final disposal. My ideal choice is as follows:

I hope to be walking with Jayne and Joanne along a sidewalk when "The Big One" hits, so that I expire instantly. No long, lingering farewells, please. Hopefully, it will be recycling day, and I instructed Joanne and Jayne to roll me over to the curb with the biodegradeables, pause for a moment of reflection, and then walk on. Sooner or later, someone will be along to pick me up, I reason. After all, with the exception of my dental implants, I am 100% organic, and it would be nice to think I will nurture SOMEthing as my farewell to the planet.

In reality, I’ll probably end up in the family plot, resting (in a plain pine box and a simple winding sheet) next to my family, where, I have no doubt, we will continue to bicker, argue and chuckle together through eternity, with the occasional pinochle game to pass the eons!

L’chaim - while we can!

Like Belinda…I too go to cemetaries.  To clean the headstone and plant flowers (before Memorial Day) on my parents’ gravesite.  I remember doing that with my mom (when I was a little girl) for her parents’/sister’s gravesite.

 I don’t know if I want my kids to have to feel they have to do that.  That ‘here comes Mother’s Day…who is doing the flowers this year?’  I don’t know if I want to be on a shelf at their houses either.  Maybe cremeted…but in an urn in a mausoleum…or…

Maybe my ashes can be pressed into a ‘diamond.’  Mr. Wow…(and everyone) have you read about the keepsakes that can be made?  I (seriously) don’t know about that either…but…I have to say becoming ‘bling’ does have a certain romance about it.

Again…what drew me to this thread was the thought that traditional cemetaries are ‘dying out.’  I hope that that ‘choice’ remains an option…as my experiences have left me with the knowledge that having someplace to ‘go’ to pay respects (long after the passing) really is part of the healing process.

You make a good point Mr wOw about taking up land space. I never thought about it that way before.

I realize that some people need to have a place to visit their loved ones after their gone. It seems that talking to deceased relatives is therapy, in a way.

I always thought that I would be buried. Over the last few years though, I’m beginning to rethink my decision.

Thank you Mr. wOw for bringing up the subject.

When I worked for one of the countries more prestigious cemetery organizations, people who balked at the "before need" sales pitches said we just wanted to make as much money as possible as quickly as possible.  They didn’t believe that the plot would even be there in 30 years, nor that the company wouldn’t sell it several times before someone actually tried to move in.  While that has happened at a few mom and pop cemeteries, it would never happen at The Lawn.  In fact, as this piece points out, good final resting spaces are at a premium.

One of the most important things to the company, aside from getting the plots sold, was creating, developing, and maintaining the endowment care fund.  The point of that was so after they ran out of space, the cemetery could still operate and maintain the property in the manner the families expected when they chose to be interred there in the first place.  That’s another problem many small cemeteries have.  Once they’re full, it’s like the owner fold up their tents and leave.  If the property can still operate, cemeteries can still serve as some nice open spaces and greenbelts in crowded cities.  Granted, you can’t play football there or have picnics, but an oasis of peace and contemplation is going to become as rare a commodity and a place to be buried.

But I’m with many other people that I just don’t want to be buried.  Yeah, I worked in one of those places, and between all of the options, I’ll take the navy gabardine covered MDF box if you MUST have a service (I’d rather you didn’t), and them shove me into the retort.  I have enough fat on my bones to get a nice wicking going, so it shouldn’t take too long.    

By the way, when my cat died I found a company that could take a portion of her ashes, completely carbonize them, put them under pressure, and actually create a diamond-like gemstone.  I didn’t do it, but I understand this can be done of anyone, and it could very well be the new age of final resting.  Forget wearing a small vial of ashes, something much more elegant, and probably more so than I’ve ever managed to be in my life.  (The Lawn was totally against separating ashes, but whatever.)

My personal choice is to be cremated and have my ashes scattered somewhere wild and gorgeous—two things I’ve aspired to be in life but have never quite achieved!  :-)  But I’ve also made it clear to my family that when I’m actually gone, they are free to do whatever gives them peace and/or pleasure.  I have expressed my strong desire that no matter what else they may choose to do, they all get together in celebration of a life well lived, eat, drink a little wine, tell uproarious stories, laugh, cry, drink a little more wine…I can think of no greater tribute or more fitting send-off.

When our son died as a very young man many years ago, we had his remains cremated.  We kept his ashes for a year in a simple unadorned ‘container’ (read: what the funeral home gave us, not an urn) over which I draped a small, colorful scarf.  During that year, he resided on our dresser and every morning as I walked by, I would give him a loving pat and say, "Good morning, Bob - love you!"  On the first anniversary of his death, we drove to an historic old-West cemetery in our nearby mountains, a place he loved to visit in life, and scattered his ashes in an aspen grove.  We marked the spot, so we are always able to return and find Bob’s special ‘resting place.’ 

Thanks, Mr. wOw.  Your articles are always a special treat!       

I personally think a fish funeral would be perfect.

*>Flush!<*

Bye Bye!

(Bonus - My family can take a moment to sit and meditate on my memory a few times a day, even!)

Some crematories have a weight limit for cremation.  In this day and age of obesity, if a person weighs more than 280 lbs they may not be accepted. 

The thought of my body rotting away in a confined little box buried in the ground brings me no comfort and why that  concept should comfort my family is beyond me. 

As for the future, it seems that there are some that teach the multiplication tables these days via procreation.  Of course, this means that future generations will have consequences to these actions (another topic, I know), but one result of going forth and multiplying in large numbers is that real estate is going to be one heck of a commodity someday.  People have to live somewhere, food  has to be grown for these people somewhere, and yes, they must be buried somewhere.    There have already been many instances of cemeteries being  moved for "progress", why do we feel that we are immune?  Even if I were to be arrogant enough to think that I could occupy some of that space for all of "eternity" without someone thinking otherwise generations from now, I just don’t see the point.

If it is to be ashes to ashes, then let it be done - cremation is the way to go baby.  It’s cheaper, more expedient, and frankly, just more appealing to me all the way around!  Yes… I’d much rather be mulch…