Mr. wOw | 10/26/2009 2:00 am

Cemeteries Dying Out: Mr. wOw's Plan B

By Mr. wOw

I saw the story in USA Today on cemeteries dying out. There’s just no room on any lawn anymore. And it’s so pricey. Mr. wOw, who hates a confined space, has never quite understood the appeal of burial, if appeal is the proper word, and I know it’s not. Burials date back to the Paleolithic era, so yes, we’re used to it. Still, why take up space on this crowded planet — didn’t you get in the way enough when you were alive? And why the headstone? Unless you are Elvis or Marilyn or Michael Jackson, nobody’s gonna care if you were ever here or not. (Or an Egyptian. I have to say, the pyramids are a great way to go.)

Live on in the hearts and minds of your loved ones. Keep the ashes if you must, but cremation really is the best way, especially in these environmentally challenged times. And it is cheaper. Don’t tell me that doesn’t matter.

Oh, and what you’re thinking right now is correct. Mr. wOw, that selfish, heartless beast, has no family to consider, so of course he’s all for a bonfire and a future as fertilizer.

Read more about: Cemeteries, Death, Dying, Funerals, Mr. Wow, News

60 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

If this is the first time you have agreed with me—on such a dire subject—it will surely be the last. However, I love your name—Frances England. It might be made up, but quite viivid.

By Mr. Wow on 10/26/2009 6:29 pm

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I was visiting my parents when my mother informed me, over breakfast no less, that if I died before they did my organs would be donated and whatever was left would be cremated! I still have no idea what brought that on. Fortunately, I don’t mind.

By Deborah Key on 10/26/2009 5:36 pm

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What was the movie (comedy, I hope) where a husband (twice-widowed) had mixed two of his deceased wives’ ashes together in one urn—- and displayed the mix on the mantlepiece? I definitely plan to be cremated, but that movie convinced me to make sure someone spills "me" out somewhere pastoral… pronto!

By Joni Evans on 10/26/2009 5:38 pm

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Thanks for bringing this up, Joni! I can’t imagine that my husband would ever do something like this, and even if he did, I really don’t know why I would care, but the thought of my ashes being comingled with those of another woman sent me reeling! He doesn’t know it yet, but guess what we’ll be discussing tonight? :)

By KatyDid Wells on 10/26/2009 7:24 pm

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I am surprised that nobody has posted anything on green burials. In this type of burial the deceased is in a shroud or biodegradable casket that is buried in a forest or green space nature area with a simple flat stone for a marker. The cost of a green burial is less than a traditional funeral or cremation. There are also green cremations where one can become part of a reef. Green cemeteries become permanent nature areas for future generations. It is what my husband and I are planning to do when our time comes. If our children should choose to visit they will see a well-kept nature preserve instead of rows of markers.

By Chris Glass` on 10/26/2009 5:46 pm

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I think this is "the way to go"

By Chips AHoey on 10/27/2009 9:18 am

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I have asked my children to cremate me, no funeral and they can celebrate later if they choose. I can not stand going to cemetary’s now and sure would not want to become part of one or have my children feel a need to return to that memory over again. They have been told to take the ashes to a mountain and throw them to the wind, I guarantee I will take over the flying from there.

By Linda Myers on 10/26/2009 10:25 pm

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I just took my 5th grade church school class (Roman Catholic) to an old cemetery to do some rubbings - I use the exercise as a less threatening location and project to talk over death and their perceptions and discuss people that have died that they knew/loved - the graveyard has stones dating from the early 1800’s into the 20’s so it’s also a history lesson about how previous generations dealt with death (genealogists also love them - we don’t realize what we do today is tomorrow’s history) - the symbols of lambs (for children/babies), a ship in torrential seas (for sea captains lost at sea - I live on an island in Maine), willow trees with acron urns, flowers, a spade, the curious Masons’ symbols - it’s fascinating - the best ones to me are the ones with poems that let you into that family a little more closely

today, it’s a name on a stone so yes, it is a waste of space and money if there isn’t some other symbol of that person - but even then, if the family/friends left behind need that "place", then why take that away from them?

in October, I visited my Dad’s grave in NY with 2 of my kids and my Mom to plant some bulbs and my 5 yo was asking lots of questions about where my Dad is now and such and then he said "If your Dad is in Heaven, then what are we doing here?" (a reasonable question) and then my Mom sai "because I need to be here"

some of the best urban (and even suburban) open spaces and parks are found in cemeteries - if it weren’t for the genius of the father of Landscape Architecture Frederick Law Olmstead, these Victorian parks that were also cemeteries would never grace our citiesand we’d be worse for it

for those of you that do not want funerals or other markers or any ceremony, I will remind you that wakes, funerals and all this "stuff" is not for you, it’s for those that are left behind - people need remembrance and closure as part of the grieving process and it’s not right to take that away from them

I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and funerals were parties, excuses to see cousins and the adults would gather and get caught up, talk about who had died and give in-person solace and a break to the spouse/kids from their grieving and their loss - let the ones you leave behind to decide how best to remember you

I like the idea of green cemeteries because they add to the benefit that cemeteries can be parks as they were in the turn of the last century - they really are not a waste of real estate, I mean, come on, would you rather have a Blockbuster video store there?

By Chips AHoey on 10/27/2009 9:42 am

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Thanks for bringing up theses points. As a college student I would often study in a local cemetery surrounded by the graves of Revolutionary War dead. It was peaceful, out of doors, quiet. I know of at least two cities where there are cemeteries that are tourist destinations in themselves because of the trees, plantings, and scenery, not to mention some remains of historic or at least memorable people.

And since my husband and I have gotten into genealogy we have learned a lot of family history from visiting cemeteries, information that we would not have found otherwise.

My own parents and grandparents were all cremated and then buried under a stone. Such graves take up little space, but there is a marker that gives basic information for future seekers. And when a woman is married, it is a joy to find her birth name on such a marker. (The worst ones simply refer to "wife")

These place are green areas that contain our history. Think twice before you want to get rid of them.

By ann penn on 10/28/2009 5:22 pm

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My wish is to be cremated and have my ashes in the ground and plant a tree. My body was not me it is just a shell.

My belief is we do not die our bodies do and I too will be alive and floating around having a good time. At that time I will decide where and when I want to try again in the boot camp of life.

A funny story on cremation, my mother died before my father. He was a little man, mom was larger in weight. As he was carrying mom’s urn to be placed in the vault commented to the funeral director, this is the first time in over 50 years that I am able to carry my wife. Some families deal with death with humor.

By Georgiann Davis on 10/27/2009 10:52 am

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I completely agree. My former husband passed and when he did, I granted his request.

I believe in ashes to ashes…you know the poem.

And I do understand the burial ritual. My choice is also cremation… and I’ve asked my husband to respect that. I believe he would.

Thank you for posing such an interesting question Mr. Wow…

Amy, PennDragon Studios

simpletownUSA.com

By Amy Stewart Hale on 10/27/2009 3:02 pm

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My stance is that I will not know! Anything! So, I’ve left it out of any and all planning, save for having arranged for a forest ‘site’ a few years back. If "i" don’t get there, that’s all right too, I won’t - know.

By Signing On on 10/27/2009 7:22 pm

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I have a different stance of visiting cemeteries. I DON’T!! I have pictures of my loved ones hanging on the wall where I can look at them daily and remember them in happy times. If I visit the cemetery, I only remember the sad times.

We have purchased our "retirement" properties, but it will be up to our family to use them as they see fit and they know that.

Everyone sees death and remembrance differently and there is no right or wrong way in how you do it.

The "Fish Funeral" is a classic……….

By DIANNA WHITE on 10/28/2009 11:03 am

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All of you are hoots yourselves!! My husband has told me years ago that he wants to be creamated and his ashes placed in little viles to be hung by a chain, and then I’m to pass them around to his family members so they can wear his "ass" around their necks!! LOL

By Deb Brown on 10/29/2009 10:23 am