My Kids,

Thank you dear one. The good thing is, today they have alot more information out for kids and in the 70’s it just wasn’t talked about. At least not in my school. My mother thought it was adorable how I would talk to anyone…any strangers. I sold artwork on the streets of Chicago at ages 5 -7 in the late 60’s and I wasn’t ever afraid to talk to the people about my art. LOL! I somehow have retained that childlike innocence in talking to new people and in my art style. That, I believe is God!

Frannie girl,

I just read through my response again and I think this topic just set me off running. I don’t want it to sound like I have no self esteem due to the things done to me. Not at all. You are so right about action. For a long time I would not show anyone my artwork…well, besides a handful of people who came to the house. For goodness sakes, I taught art to a wonderfully active group of kids on a daily basis (grades k-6). I could encourage my students to do the impossible and some of the art for our school performances was the impossible made possible. And yet, when the rape happened in 95 I shut down. I did some art but it was really just screaming on paper. That lasted for a few years.

I was finally introduced to fearless living in Boulder Co. and decided to throw caution to the wind and get my artwork out there. Since then, I’m still creating, still dreaming, still showing….AND, there are days (like we all have) when doubt flies in the window, reason and faith fly out and the great thinking machine begins. You know the one. AKA " the critic ". So, today I can notice the critic and still pull off the covers and get down to the basement to work. I’m losing my studio outside of the home due to finances, but I think it’s a good sign that I’m willing to dream about how to turn the basement into a workable space. It will not be an easy task but bit by bit and maybe a sump pump, it’s going to happen. So, maybe self esteem has something to do with the willingness to keep on keepin’ on. I won’t let those bastards from my past steal my dream!

I remember you telling me about your MOM about a year ago right here on wowowow. I know that I would have love love loved her! I think I’ve told you that before. Here’s to a year of cyber friendship!

Big Hugs,

Josie

Frannie - I love this line in your above post "Feeling like I esteemed myself  didn’t change my life - changing my actions/behavior, and getting involved in my own self-development is what changed me".

I to had my own childhood trauma. I was a drug user at 12 and a cocaine addict at 16. Sexual abuse was a theme in my life more than an incident. I got clean at 22 years old. somewhere in my thirties all the action i’d taken over the years. all the self care and all the responsibility i accepted for my own actions while allowing for what i couldn’t control… gelled. and i’d have to say that I have a good self image and strength. I also have two daughters that have struggled immensely. My oldest being alcoholic and my youngest having mental health issues. the oldest was one of those people whose actions and lack of responsibility for herself consistently hurt her terribly. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times i had said to her over her lifetime "you will FEEL better about yourself when you ACT in ways that allow you to feel better about yourself". I had laid it out for her in detail more than once. THIS is an action that would make you feel good. THIS is an action that will make you feel bad. and nothing will change until you beging to act consistently. Glad to say… she has been acting consistently now for a year. and lo and behold. she is slowly but surely beginning to believe in herself.