Wow…just wow. Well, L1 is just hurting herself by letting this farce of a relationship continue. Even if he truly does have feelings for her (and I’ll be nice and say that he does feel some measure of affection beyond her nether regions) it’s clear he’d rather be with the other woman. Personally, I say cut your ties, and if you’d really like to get back at the jerk, send him some photos of you and Mr. Skunk in a generic envelope. Make it look like it’s from a PI firm or something. Or just call her up and tell her straight out what’s been going on. I’d be willing to wager this isn’t the first time or the only time he’ll be led astray by his…feelings.

As for L2, unfortunately I know a bit about that. I won’t get into how, but suffice to say folks around here aren’t keen on mixed relationships. Friendships are usually fine, but relationships are seen as off limits to many. You can either lie and say that Javier and Abdullah really are white, but just had eclectic parents, or you could try to broaden her horizons. Invite her out to one of their art shows or performances, let her see their talents at work, and perhaps she may not be so judgemental. She may not approve completely, but really, what parent completely approves of their child’s chosen lifestyle?

#1, tell your mom that you love her, and because she was SUCH a wonderful parent, you learned to accept everyone as they are and to love all equally. 

#2, well, he really IS #2 isn’t he, lol! Get to a therapist lady, and delve deep into your soul and discover WHY you let someone treat you like an unpaid prostitute. Your lack of self esteem needs addressing and you need to cut him off immediately. If you refuse to take the right steps here, well you deserve what you get. BTW, have yourself tested for STD’s asap, you don’t need to cut him off and still have his creepy bugs in your body.  

Ltr #1:  The guy is obviously not meant for monogamy, but he is clearly not a liar.  Both times when asked, he came straight out and told the woman that he was seriously involved with another.  I mean, how many cheaters (men or women), reveal that they are seeing someone after being simply asked?  Is the guy a "jerk"?  Sure, but he is honest and the stupid woman should have asked him after a few months into the first stint if they were ready to be exclusive.  I just asked the girl I been dating for 2 months if she was ready to be exclusive, as I am.  I don’t assume she is, just because I want to.

The guy is not forthcoming with info, but it sounds like he is completely honest.  And yes, men DO often feel obligated to marry someone.  Why do you think so many marriages do even START well?  Is he a fool?  Of course, but it is OFTEN true that men feel obligated and do get married because of the obligation.  Don’t ask me how I know this.  (Just kidding!  It’s not me, it’s people I know!)

1st Letter:  The most egregious mistake that ALL women make is to assume that our romantic relationships are EXCLUSIVE.  As early on as you may care…ASK:  Am I the only woman you’re dating/seeing/having sex with?  If you don’t jive with the answer, move along to a new romance.  There are many reasons why a woman doesn’t ASK but being afraid to know the answer has never kept the answer from being there.  When you assume…

To #1 - let’s see… you’re giving him your time, your body and god knows what else. If you continue to do these things simply b/c he says he loves you, why would he stop telling you that?

Honey - YOU ARE BEING USED!!! Please know that you are the skirt on the side, that’s it. He may have some feelings for you but he seems to love himself more than anyone else. Get out while you can or else you will be the ‘other woman’ once he is married.

LW 1: I know some people are just not cut out for monogamy. It defiantly sound like this man is one of them. 

That’s OK for him to have as many relationships as he chooses, BUT ONLY if he’s honest with ALL of them about it up front, and only if he understands that they also are going to have as many relationships as they want, and only if everyone involved wants that kind of round-robin relationship circle.

What is not acceptable, is for him to string anyone along who does want a one-on-one relationship. I would highly doubt that his fiance knows about all of his ‘side dishes.’

He’s going to end up hurting a lot of women, the friends and family of those women who love them, (and possibly men as well.) From the ‘obligated to marry her’ comment, it sounds like he wants to be ‘normal’ by getting married and making the appearance of having a traditional family.

He’s probably not going to be truthful with himself, his fiance, or any of his girlfriends or boyfriends about how he is and find others who he can be in HONEST relationships with though.

OR, he might just be a sociopathic selfish b***** who can’t feel real love for anyone and just wants to use everyone in his orbit for his own gratification.  (I’m still hooting over the pig and little sausage comment. That’s one of the best I’ve ever seen on any forums anywhere. Thanks for the laughs!)

In either case, it’s very obvious that LW 1 is not cut out for the lifestyle this man is inflicting on her. 

I’ve seen my friend going through this over the past 2 years, and she does love her ‘skunky-pig’ so I do understand that it’s not easy to turn around and walk away.

I have another friend who was going through this. After many failed attempts to leave, he finally figured out that leaving slowly in stages wasn’t going to work. The only way was to rip that bandage off.  He cut all ties with his girlfriend entirely. 

After seeing the heartache he went through and the despair my other friend is experiencing, it does infuriate me when people do this.

Please walk away no matter how much you love him and no matter how great the sex is.  He is not worth the worry and stress and heartbreak.

If you choose to continue in this relationship, then you are making the decision to be in a multi-partner circle.  In that case, you need to let your boyfriend know that you will be involving his fiance in your decision so she can be an informed partner in all of this. It’s not fair to her or to you to keep this secret.

#1: Seriously. You had NO idea that he was involved with someone else. The reason’s he couldn’t see you in certain places or be with you when you needed him didn’t make you a bit curious? Just let him go. Girl, you need to move on with your life & find a MAN that will treat you good AND respect you and will be with you all the time. This emotional wreck of a man that has you & your emotions on a stronghold needs to GO!!

#2 needs to listen with one ear and ignore with the other.Your mother is NEVER going to change. If this is how she feels and acts and BELIEVES, there is no convincuing her of anything other, ESPECIALLY if you’ve already tried telling her how unique, creative & great theses people are. There are just some people in your lives that will never change what they believe in. So instead of worrying how to rid yourself of her & her malicious comments, feign deftness when she’s around. She’ll get the hint when you ignore her rude & ignorant comments to you about your life & friends.

LW1: The bride needs to know. If she writes a sincere letter, the bride may not believe the psycho girlfriend the guy claims upon confrontation. 

LW2: You can make Facebook so that only certain friends see everything (without dumping them). They are none the wiser. One can also make it so no one  can see your friend list.  Instructions should come up if you google it. I can’t remember the name of the page, but something like skadoodle. 

Re: Letter Two - Could it be that the Mom is a little jealous and questioning her own life? If Mom sees her daughter doing things that Mom wishes she had done, then she may try to change the daughter to be like her (and thus justify Mom’s current life) rather than reactive in a more resentful manner.  I have seen that many time in my neck of the woods where the Country Club set often have Bohomenian kids.  Basically Mom is saying: "What’s wrong with my life?  Why don’t you like my life? Come on, be like me so I know what I am doing is a good thing."  Aren’t we all told that imitation is the highest form of flattery.

My advice:  Say to Mom: "I love you , Mom.  We are close and I want to stay that way.  I have my own life that i enjoy.  You have your life that you enjoy.  Let’s leave it that way."  This worked wonders for me.  While I am not a bohomenian artist, I am considered a little "out there" by my Country Club mother-in-law.  It took a couple of years of sincerely trying and we are great friends now.

Good afternoon everyone.  I am the one who submitted letter #1.  I would like to say thanks for all of the comments and "insults".  Contrary to popular belief, they are all welcomed.  May I please say this, by the time he told me of his commitment, I was already in love with him; or so at least I thought. I knew it was wrong, but it was too hard to leave. I tried, over and over. I even went on dates with other men trying to forget him and move on.  And we were never in discreet places, meaning when were together we were out in the open like always.    Yes, I could have taken control of the situation and not respond to or answer any of his phone calls.  But keep in mind, he continued to call ME.  PEOPLE do stupid  things when they think they’re in love.  As far as letting his fiance know, I would never do that.  Why? Well yes she should know what type of man she is marrying, but please don’t think that she doesn’t know,  she just may be settling, like ultimately I had to come to the conclusion I was.  I knew what was going on, so why would I deliberately ruin her "dream"  and run the risk of this man having the pleasure to call me "crazy"? They have known each other for twenty years, she has "been there for him through thick and thin".  If I was on that, how could I compete? And not everyone who goes through a situation like this and this magnitude has self esteem issues.  As far as needing help, I have all the "therapy" I need in talking to GOD, my family and friends who didn’t agree with my decision, but were always there to lend a listening ear.  Lastly I wish that man a blessed marriage and I pray that ultimately he honors his vows and that union!!!!!  Take care everyone and unless you’re going through it, you have no idea how I feel and felt. XOXOXO