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The Liz Smith Column | 05/17/2009 11:00 pm

Liz Smith: Men! Esquire Explains Them, Sort Of

More from Our Gossip Girl: David Bowie’s son hits the ‘Moon’ … Heads will keep rolling on ‘The Tudors.’
George Clooney/Esquire/May '09

“What is a man?” asks Esquire for the merry month of May, and they have a lot of interesting answers, plus George Clooney on the cover. Among other things, Tom Chiarella writes, “He looks out for those around him. He owns up. He can cook eggs.” That’s a man? Well, they have a lot more to say.

***

Back in the Dark Ages, I was working for Cosmopolitan under Helen Gurley Brown, just after she took over the magazine. This made me really interesting to people just on the face of it. And men always said provocative things to me about Cosmo, usually leading into the inevitable discussion about sex. But the more serious ones told me they actually read the magazine, religiously.

2009_0518_wiki_helen_gurley_brown.jpg
Helen Gurley Brown/Image: Wikipedia

So I always asked these guys why they were bothering their heads with Cosmo? Their best answer was: “to find out what women really want.”

Therefore, if you are wondering about guys and what makes them tick and you want a real answer – not a b.s., made-up macho answer like some so-called “men’s magazines” – I say, buy the May issue of Esquire. The editors and their writers offer a number of suggestions and ideas. In spite of some simplistic answers, you’ll at least see Esquire’s point and you can decide if you agree as to what makes a man.

I liked Stephen Marche’s 1000-word putdown of conspiracy theories. You know, like the World Trade Center towers being brought down by explosives, not the airplanes; like Mary Magdalene being the mother of Jesus’s children via a theory by writer Dan Brown; like those who don’t believe there was any moon landing. There’s also an interview with “Deadwood’s” Ian McShane. Esquire presents their chosen list of men and every one of them looks like a prison mug shot. I liked “How to skin a moose” and other advice such as “How to fell a tree” or “fillet a fish.” (I’m never going to do these things but it’s interesting that Esquire knows how.) I liked the display of what every man needs to have in his garage; I’d say that would be pretty much the same for every woman.

But now Gov. Palin of Alaska doesn’t have to go to all the trouble of writing her book. Her life and times are perfectly summed up in Luke Dittrich’s article, “Todd Palin Is the Man for America Now.”       

A day in Todd’s life putting off fixing the snowmobile and changing diapers, etc. It’s lots of fun.

2009_0402_Getty_Todd_PalinCROP.jpg
Todd Palin © Getty Images

***

Remember Zowie Bowie, the whimsically named son of rock icon David Bowie? Well, now he goes by the name Duncan Jones, and has directed a sci-fi movie, titled “Moon.” It is getting great advance buzz and opens next month.

“Moon” stars Sam Rockwell, who just keeps getting better all the time, and features the voice of Kevin Spacey (as Rockwell’s robot companion). First-peekers say this is an excellent, quietly creepy film, minus all the CGI that dominates most things in movies these days.

The script was written by Bowie/Duncan and another son of privilege, Nathan Parker, the offspring of director Alan Parker – of “Midnight Express,” “Fame,” “Evita” and “Angela’s Ashes” renown.

***

“The Tudors” continues apace on Showtime, with heads lopped off aplenty and Jonathan Rhys Meyers increasingly complex and disturbing as the aging Henry VIII. (Although Jonathan’s encroaching maturity is more a byproduct of clever, deeply shadowy lighting. He still looks pretty hot, and I’d venture the real Henry as he aged was never this sexy!)

2009_0518_jonathan_rhys_meyers_c_jonathan_hession_showtime.jpg
Jonathan Rhys Meyers/Image:Jonathan Hession/SHOWTIME

26 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

hatchimitsu remon
Helen Gurley Brown is my hero.  Thanks for the picture of her! (can’t you convince her to be a contributor for WOW?)
By hatchimitsu remon on 05/18/2009 12:38 am
Carole Del Monte

My husband & I never miss The Tudors.  Jonathan Rhys Meyers is sensational.  He can do more with a scornful exhale than many actors who chew the scenery.  He is so gorgeous, as my husband once remarked about Paul Newman, "you have to laugh".  So glad to hear there will be Season #4.  Thanks, Liz.

By Carole Del Monte on 05/18/2009 6:57 am
Chrome Toe

I love magazines and fly a lot. so i buy mens magazines all the time. I like them because they have articles in them about things other than how to not get old and how to keep your man happy. they have articles on politics, travel, cars (Ya i know… what woman wants to read about cars right? according to women’s mags. NONE), current events. and more than that… most of them have a sense of HUMOR. another thing women’s magazines lack. The latest batch of women’s magazines that are supposedly more enlightened than the historical ones tend to focus on women who’ve done extraordinary things with their lives. Like making up a cold rememdy in your kitchen and getting filthy rich off of it. that’s awesome. but I’m beginning to feel like it’s just another way to tell women that our ordinary lives aren’t good enough. not only do we have to have young skin, great clothes and solid sex drives… now we have to "reinvent" (the new way to say you’re old you isn’t good enough) ourselves into succesful entrepeneurs at every turn. So thank freaking gawd for mens magazines and their occassional "how to fart really really loud" articles!

By Chrome Toe on 05/18/2009 8:49 am
Frannie Em

Chromie,

LOL, you made me laugh.  Living with mantribe has given me an appreciation for men.  They are not like me, they don’t get certain things as fast as I do, they are creatures that want to test themselves and win at it a lot.  Okay, I can accept that.   Watching my sons grow up helped me understand men a little better, although I never get why my husband does some of the stuff he does.  It seems like a kind of illogical logic. 

I watched my boys grow up and saw what drove them.  They want to help and be strong and do the the right thing.  They get angry over injustice, and want to change that and make sure the not so fortunate get a chance at becoming fortunate.  They want to work hard and succeed. They want to know how to treat women as well as understand women.  They are a mixed bag of wild things when there is too  much testosterone slamming and jamming them around - they don’t even get themselves at those times, but so long as I understand what is happening with them (which sometimes takes a lot of guess work) I can keep my distance and watch it play out.  They don’t always want anyone’s in doing that.    

All in all, I am fortunate to know them and they have taught me how to love.

By Frannie Em on 05/18/2009 1:27 pm
Frannie Em
should read - They don’t want anyone’s help…
By Frannie Em on 05/18/2009 1:52 pm
phyllis Doyle Pepe
Frannie: You and I are have been the female among all these males which I have always enjoyed since from little on I have loved men. I loved my father intensely; I had a younger brother whom I loved and sometimes treated like a minion; I have always found men so much easier to deal with than women. Like you, having sons instead of daughters puts gives us a different perspective. Now I have four granddaughters and one grandson––guess which one owns part of my heart.
By phyllis Doyle Pepe on 05/18/2009 4:20 pm
Frannie Em

Phyllis, I can guess which one.  Forgive me - is his name Domingo? I hope I haven’t screwed his name up.

When in school I always had more male friends than female friends - although the females were my best friends and much closer, I had great male friends. I ran everyday and it was safer with the guys.   My brothers went shooting while my sisters didn’t - I liked to shoot. My brothers would sneak into the old gold mine on our property and I loved tagging along.  They didn’t like it but I told them if they got stuck, someone had to rescue them - (figured that would be me).  I had one sister that was as adventurous as me and she was the other Scorpio in the family.

I would agree, for me, men have been easier to deal with. 

By Frannie Em on 05/18/2009 6:08 pm
phyllis Doyle Pepe
Diego––close. His mother is Latino––mother from Columbia, father from Spain––The combination of that heritage and my son’s Irish/German from me and Italian from Joe makes for beautiful babies.  RE: your post––again our early experiences are similar––once when I was playing with the boys in the neighborhood––maybe I was seven or so––they all lined up in front of this garage, took out their Johnsons, and proceeded to pee seeing who could get the highest splay. I remember standing back, feeling very left out and certainly ill equipped to join them. By the next year I probably felt I was much too sophisticated to bother with those lads and set my sights much higher.
By phyllis Doyle Pepe on 05/18/2009 11:13 pm
Frannie Em

Yes Diego.  I know how that combination makes for beautiful children.  My side is German/Irish and I have nieces and nephews that have Spanish/Italian heritage.  Skin hair and eyes are beautiful.

LOL!  A peeing contest.  Oh that makes me laugh.  Yes I remember those when I was just about the same age.  The boys would start a little fire in a 5 lbs coffee can then sound the fire alarm (yelling and screaming) and then proffer their Johnsons as the answer to the situation and put the fire out.  As the young flush heroes would congratulate themselves on saving the world, I knew there were some things that I just couldn’t keep up with in that department. 

By Frannie Em on 05/18/2009 11:44 pm
phyllis Doyle Pepe
In the May 11 New Yorker Judith Thurman has a juicy article on Helen Gurley Brown, whose biography, "Bad Girls Go Everywhere" by Jennifer Scanlon, is now out. The title, by the way, was one of Helen’s favorite mottos–––she had many. By age forty-one, Helen had been fornicating shamelessly for half her life, and had proclaimed to the world, in "Sex and the Single Girl," that "nice girls" not only did it before and outside of wedlock but loved it, and were, just like men, entitled to obsess about it, to rack up conquests, and to trade in their partners, preferably for an upgrade." 
By phyllis Doyle Pepe on 05/18/2009 8:57 am
beth willis

I read and enjoyed this article as well, Phyllis.  Then I could not remember where I had read it.  Thank you, now I will not be running that through my brain all evening.  Interesting perspective Brown’s.

Peace and grace

By beth willis on 05/19/2009 3:14 pm
Mimi Jones
Thanks, staff for great pic of the "underused" Todd Palin.
By Mimi Jones on 05/18/2009 9:50 am
Mary Courtney

Real Men-Yes, eggs and diapers-as well as a willingness to take the first shot for his woman…sweeping you into his arms slowly and gently, wrapping his protective love in a swarm of provisional, deep warmth. Tender, butterfly kisses to his little darling….who needs Helen’s constant conquests when Braveheart walks in each night with a wink and candy kisses, enveloped in comittment and promises kept.

 My concept of womanhood and manhood has developed down a different path over the years…and once learned there’s no turning back as we hold our sweet little grandbabies in our arms with a look of quiet knowing across a crowded room.

Women….we deserve so much more real joy & satisfaction than the batch of goods being sold to us in our quick fix culture of the millenium….it takes waiting with a price, control and reflection, but the real man dividends have a huge pay off in the final conclusion.  

By Mary Courtney on 05/18/2009 10:30 am
Deena B.
Nicely stated.  I couldn’t agree more.
By Deena B. on 05/18/2009 6:38 pm
Steve R
Liz Smith: Men! Esquire Explains Them, Sort Of

I was looking for Liz Smith’s evaluation of how Esquire explains men. Anyone know where that article went?

By Steve R on 05/18/2009 12:03 pm