A Friend Stopped By | 07/16/2009 11:00 pm
The Facebook Problem, by Yvette Nicole Brown
Yvette Nicole Brown
Editor’s Note: Yvette Nicole Brown’s many memorable TV appearances include "House," "Entourage," "The Office," "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and "That ’70s Show," as well as recurring roles on "Boston Legal" and Nickelodeon’s "Drake & Josh." Yvette’s film credits include "The Island," "Dreamgirls," "Tropic Thunder" and "Hotel for Dogs." She can be seen in the upcoming films "The Ugly Truth," with Gerard Butler and Katherine Heigl, "Repossession Mambo" and "500 Days of Summer." This fall, Yvette will be co-starring on the NBC series "Community," opposite Chevy Chase and Joel McHale.
Facebook is a problem. No, it’s not dangerous. It’s not something that must be stopped. It’s a problem in the "Seriously, am I checking it again?!" kind of way. I say that, but I get it. I get why we’re all so, well … obsessed. It’s a tough world out there these days. With economies tanking, wars and natural disasters raging – not to mention Michael Jackson dying – we’re all a little raw, a little on edge. We all just need a little gentleness and levity, even if it comes from complete strangers.
Enter Facebook. Oh, and it’s a thing of beauty!
Facebook provides a shoulder to cry on, a bit of silliness, a scripture, a quote, an anecdote to make you think … second by second … 24 hours … every. Single. Day. And it’s a gift when it comes to insomnia. So what if it’s three o’clock AM? You can log on and immediately find someone else staring at the walls, or the glare of a computer screen to commiserate with. And for that bit of sleepless time, you’re not all bleary eyed alone. You didn’t even have to wake anybody up. They were already up. The conversation had already begun. You’re just jumping into the fray, midstream, adding your two cents one update and comment at a time. Ah, it’s a beautiful thing.
At the time I write this I have more than 2,400 "friends" on Facebook, which is something the friends in my real life are baffled by. Shoot, it’s something that even I am baffled by. It’s not the number that gets me, per se. Lots of folk have way more friends than I do on Facebook. No, I’m baffled by being called a "friend" by, let’s admit it, strangers. Aren’t those the ones we were all told never to talk to or take candy from? Here I am sharing personal details and flair with boatloads of ‘em. On Facebook, they aren’t strangers. On Facebook, they’re called "friends." Friend. It’s a tricky word. It, along with the "followers" moniker the Twitter folks use, is so interesting to me. On Twitter you ask – some would say beg – folks to follow you. Where else in life except on a playground or the doctor’s office do hear the phrase "Follow me"? I’m still on the fence about that "follow" thing, but I’m on Twitter. Yep, I’m on, but I’m pretty passive. Some would say underachieving, even. My tweets are seen by few and it’s probably my own fault. I think it takes a level of self-importance I’m not familiar with to ask for "followers." Besides, weren’t we taught our whole lives that it was a bad thing to be one? In my house, to be a "follower" meant you weren’t fully living up to your potential. And on the flip side, if you’re following somebody, does that mean they’re leading you? With the tweets I’ve read from others, not to mention the inane ones I’ve sent myself, who in their right mind would willingly choose any of us as their leader? But I’m digressing a bit. This was about friends and those found on Facebook in particular. Let’s delve into that a bit – what makes a "friend"?
Facebook is a problem. No, it’s not dangerous. It’s not something that must be stopped. It’s a problem in the "Seriously, am I checking it again?!" kind of way. I say that, but I get it. I get why we’re all so, well … obsessed. It’s a tough world out there these days. With economies tanking, wars and natural disasters raging – not to mention Michael Jackson dying – we’re all a little raw, a little on edge. We all just need a little gentleness and levity, even if it comes from complete strangers.
Enter Facebook. Oh, and it’s a thing of beauty!
Facebook provides a shoulder to cry on, a bit of silliness, a scripture, a quote, an anecdote to make you think … second by second … 24 hours … every. Single. Day. And it’s a gift when it comes to insomnia. So what if it’s three o’clock AM? You can log on and immediately find someone else staring at the walls, or the glare of a computer screen to commiserate with. And for that bit of sleepless time, you’re not all bleary eyed alone. You didn’t even have to wake anybody up. They were already up. The conversation had already begun. You’re just jumping into the fray, midstream, adding your two cents one update and comment at a time. Ah, it’s a beautiful thing.
At the time I write this I have more than 2,400 "friends" on Facebook, which is something the friends in my real life are baffled by. Shoot, it’s something that even I am baffled by. It’s not the number that gets me, per se. Lots of folk have way more friends than I do on Facebook. No, I’m baffled by being called a "friend" by, let’s admit it, strangers. Aren’t those the ones we were all told never to talk to or take candy from? Here I am sharing personal details and flair with boatloads of ‘em. On Facebook, they aren’t strangers. On Facebook, they’re called "friends." Friend. It’s a tricky word. It, along with the "followers" moniker the Twitter folks use, is so interesting to me. On Twitter you ask – some would say beg – folks to follow you. Where else in life except on a playground or the doctor’s office do hear the phrase "Follow me"? I’m still on the fence about that "follow" thing, but I’m on Twitter. Yep, I’m on, but I’m pretty passive. Some would say underachieving, even. My tweets are seen by few and it’s probably my own fault. I think it takes a level of self-importance I’m not familiar with to ask for "followers." Besides, weren’t we taught our whole lives that it was a bad thing to be one? In my house, to be a "follower" meant you weren’t fully living up to your potential. And on the flip side, if you’re following somebody, does that mean they’re leading you? With the tweets I’ve read from others, not to mention the inane ones I’ve sent myself, who in their right mind would willingly choose any of us as their leader? But I’m digressing a bit. This was about friends and those found on Facebook in particular. Let’s delve into that a bit – what makes a "friend"?
Read more about: A Friend Stopped By, Entertainment, Facebook, Relationships, Social Networking, YouTube, Yvette Nicole Brown
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Yvette Nicole Brown
You look great! … Your hair is absolutely fabulous!
The Facebook thing seems to be working for you and you’re having fun. I’m not a member of Facebook, YouTube nor Twitter. I’m not interested at this time. I’m a community member posting on the wowOwow website. It can be time consuming, informative, interesting and fun. I’m amazed by my ability to post as much and as often as I do. It’s amazing especially with everything I have to do.
It’s 1:37 AM. I went to bed early this evening now I’m up for a moment. Yeah, here I am posting with wowOwow and reading the latest articles and comments. Great talking with you!
Kermie - you and I could be such good pals! I want nothing to do with Facebook - I leave it to my kids and hope someday they will have the sense to walk away from it! My daughter won’t let my son on her wall because he is not as cautious as she is and she doesn’t want all of his ‘friends’ to have any access to her. She also won’t allow my SIL (her Godmother) as a friend because she only wants to make negative comments about my daughter and her friends - I see my daughter’s FB profile almost everyday and everything is within the bounds of good taste so I can’t really blame her for not wanting to listen to my SIL’s crap.
I do find it amusing that my kids find it creepy when a friend’s parent joins and want to ‘friend’ them - it’s not such a private little club anymore. Your brother is reaching out, but still expecting you to make the actual contact so he won’t be ‘rejected’. Wait him out - see if he can dial your number and actually speak to you. Then you can be all surprised and happy to hear his voice. :)
If you rejected their terms, then you must have read the fine print. Congratulations, few people bother. Few people know what they sign up for. There have been many articles on the down side of Facebook, here are a couple of recent ones:
MI6 boss in Facebook entry rowFacebook ‘breaches Canadian law’
Employers are now reviewing information at social networking sites when checking out potential employees.
Unless you know them in real life, internet ‘friends’ are only virtual friends - there is no guarantee they are who they say they are.
Not only does FB not assign you friends, but in order for your friends to be on his F list, they would have had to ACCEPT his friend request. John Doe can send me a request if he wants, but that doesn’t automatically put me on his F list or me on his- it has to be approved by both sides. And since you’re not a member, there is no common denominator for FB’s program to have decided that he must know them too. I would suggest that perhaps one of your friends went searching for your name, his came up, and s/he sent the request to HIM. Because if he doesn’t know them, how would he even know they were your friends to send them a request? And if he did know their names, why are your friends accepting requests from random strangers? This is a question you might want to ask them.
FB’s settings are so inclusive that you can make yourself unsearchable, period, and even if you do allow yourself to be searched, you can hide everything- INCLUDING your profile picture- from whomever you please. Including from sublists of your F list.
That is what I do. I only have in real life friends - people I know from the past - and I have my profile on Private. You can see the Profile picture, but nothing else. I use mine as a source to send pictures to family and friends and small updates on how things are going. These people with 2000 friends confuse me. Do you know these people? If not, why friend them? If so - man you must have a lot of time!
I think you don’t really understand how facebook works. There are a multitude of privacy settings you can set so that the information you post isn’t available to everyone. You can even restrict what someone you friend can see. Now certainly this information *is* online, so I’m not going to claim it’s impossible to access. But periodically I search for myself to see what is available and so far it’s been pretty good.
Secondly, while there are people who friend everyone and anyone, most people only friend people they have known in real life. Personally, I don’t care how many friends I have (I can’t even recall the exact number without logging into fb). I friend people I have had a connection with, such as other graduate students in my program or the girl who was my best friend in elementary school. It’s fun to see what people are up to! I do find it sad that you believe your real life friends would only friend you in fb because of some sort of numbers contest. Why be friends with them otherwise?
I can understand that not everyone has a great relationship with their family. But doesn’t it seem kind of childish to be angry at your friends for having contact with your sibling? It’s sort of like saying, "If you’re friends with her you can’t be friends with me. So choose!" It’s more of a schoolyard thing.
Different people have different ways of communicating. And honestly, there are people I am facebook friends with whom it would be weird to call. (Granted none of them are siblings…..) Such as my aforementioned friend from elementary school. We message occasionally, but given that we live 3500 miles apart and hadn’t talked in a decade, it didn’t seem reasonable to call her up out of the blue. But I enjoy seeing what’s going on. Call it cowardly if you like, but I simply think not every person is comfortable with every media.
RJB Reed—"But doesn’t it seem kind of childish to be angry at your friends for having contact with your sibling?"
Okay, I think I wasn’t clear. My brother does not even know these people. They were put in his list by default because he added someone who was related to them, but he hasn’t met them nor has he spent 40 years of his life cultivating a friendship with them. That is what surprised me. I am not asking them to choose me or him—they don’t know him. If he cannot maintain a relationship with me, and I have really tried, it seems really odd to see these people in his list. There is one family member there, a sister-in-law who was the one who told me he was on Facebook. That’s it. I am the youngest of five siblings and I just find this whole thing strange.
Facebook doesn’t add people by default. If you add someone, you can see the names and profile pictures of that person’s friends. You can then go through and add those people if you like, but it’s not automatic. Facebook will suggest people that you might know, based on links via friends, but you still both have to say, "Yes, we want to friend each other." in order to appear on someone’s list.
Personally, I find it interesting how these sorts of links work. For instance, there is a person who is friends with some of my friends whom I have never met. However, he is friends with different people whom I know don’t know each other. Of course, the physics community is a bit small, so it’s not completely surprising. Just interesting. In any case, the only way to solve this mystery is to ask someone. There are some people who accept any friend request because they don’t want to be rude, so it’s possible that your brother simply clicked through everyone’s friend list and friended them all.
First, I agree with L.C., Yvette Nicole Brown does look fabulous! I "know" her well from Drake & Josh, one my daughter’s favorite programs, and from lots of other things as well. You never know where she will turn up and she’s always a welcome addition when she does. Like here.
So far I have no interest in Facebook. My motto is "Never say never" but I just don’t see it happening. I also agree with kermie b in that I believe a lot of people collect "friends" just to get a higher number. But "To each his own" (my other motto).
This is so confusing to me! Blogging, face book I can barely do what I’m doing here. Two days ago I think I blogged on wowowow, anyway I went to bed and the next morning I had 20 text messages from some guy who read my comment and now he loved me!
I was dumbfounded! I actually put my cell phone on vibrate and stuck it in my shirt rather than attempt explaining how that happened.
I called my girlfriends for support, they were laughing and enjoying my dilemma a little to much.
Thanks Bobbie R