Ah!  The word, ‘expert’. 

By whose definition, I wonder?

There have been many outstanding individuals [famous and not so famous] who helped me shape the ideals I’ve lived by.  Certainly, my parents and grandparents are at the top of this list, although none were ‘experts’ or held doctorate degrees.  But, also I was an avid reader at an early age, and there were many well known writers in literature, history, and philosophy from whom I embraced many of the values, which have become the basis of my belief system.  Curiously, these belief systems, respective to how I perceive my self in looks, character, lifestyle, and general interests have changed with each passing decade.

I enjoy, and am often engrossed learning the perspectives of others.  Yet ultimately, no matter how much I may revere the advice of renowned ‘experts’, life changing choices [good and bad] are unequivocally my own.

First experts would be my parents - showing me that no matter what you fight for what you want if its worth fighting for.  Marriage takes work and its sacrifices but its all worth it.

Second expert would be a Pastor my now hubby and I sought out before we were married to help us through a hump.  This Pastor did not judge either one of us - he made us see certain issues and guide us over them.  He changed our relationship completely with his words and guidance. 

Third expert would be my 3 year old - yes at 3 she is already an expert at making me laugh so hard I cry.  Loving me no matter what and just knowing when Mommy needs a hug, kiss and an I LOVE YOU MOMMY BOO! 

Fourth - I would like to extend it to the ladies on this site - since joining I have learned and expanded my knowledge of our Country and how diverse we truly are and how that is a blessing!

I’ve asked for suggestions from people I respected. However, final decisions have been my own. I’ve learned by living and learning from both my mistakes and triumphs.

I’ve had great role models. Persons like my mother. my fifth and sixth grade teachers Mrs. Edna Rust Jr. and Mrs. Alma Crosby. College professors Abercrombie, Gooch, DePaul and Santoja.

I always ask my doctors medical questions. I also do my own research and we compare and share information.

My faith has been  and remains my road map for living.

I’ve actively sought out the opinions of four people - my Mom and Dad, my doctor, and my husband.  Beyond that, I’ve always been a learn the hard way, "touch the stove" kind of gal.

Even as a fiercely independent woman, my Mom and Dad are my go-to people when in need.  Whether it’s through their wisdom, their support, their example, or even if it’s just what they don’t say; I can’t count the number of times they’ve made me stop, think, and look around… and then decide for myself.  I’m thankful to have both parents and I greatly value their wisdom. 

As for my doctor, I’ve been a chronic migraine sufferer for many years.  As anyone suffering from chronic pain or a chronic illness can attest, finally finding a doctor who can alleviate your suffering is more valuable than gold.  When I first started visiting a neurologist, I had daily migraines - today, I have my life back, with migraines only occuring a few times a month.  This man, through his compassion, persistence, knowledge, and humor truly transformed my life for the better!

No one has transformed my life more than my husband.  His ongoing support, guidance, and love has impacted every aspect of my life.  Thanks to him, I truly know happiness and what a true partnership really is.

I didn’t seek help but help found me.  An old boyfriend got in touch after 35 years, came from Europe to see me, and spent a totally platonic weekend with me. 

He had become a psychiatrist and my marriage was going through a bad patch, to put it mildly.  After hearing me talk over the course of the weekend (we slept in different places, don’t get me wrong). he said something that saved my marriage. 

Speaking about my husband’s problems, he said, "It’s not your fault and you can’t fix it.  Your problem is that you want to fix everything."

Suddenly, my whole marriage looked different and I knew I could handle it.  My husband has his problems and I can’t fix them.  But I’ve learned to live with them, which is a lot easier now that I am not trying to fix them. 

Truly, in life it is so much better for us if our learning is by example.  And what better example from the earliest days would be parents.  . for what is engrained early in life usually becomes part of your very being.  Any "teaching" was done by following, by going along.   Words were not said for I was immersed in our everyday life.  No voices were ever raised in my home; love was freely given and received.  I remember going to The Old People’s Home often … I seem to give the people joy.  But this piece of my life had great impact later.  This was one of the many ways that my family, quietly, did for others.  There were many others.  Many.  But I remember no discussion of "look what we are doing".  This was obviously how they were brought up and the thinking was carried on. 

My childhood was beautiful in ways that I accepted as normal — as if everyone had the same childhood.  I did not realize until much later that this had been exceptional.  But - in looking back - I am hoping that my own children felt they were treated in a like way.  The high expectations were never voiced.  Whatever was already engrained within us seemed to tell us all to strive for the sky and you will reach the stars … but never never do it at the expense of others. 

Is there a better way than to learn by good example??

Like Joan Larsen, I believe that learning by good example is the most meaningful way of making important changes in life. I was blessed with a mother who provided all kinds of expert advice simply by being who she was.

But I also had another great expert to consult on matters ranging from fashion to sex to professional development to friendship and on and on. I mean books. For every great life issue, there is a book that can help. In my case, it is the world of fiction that has given me the most life-changing moments, the most important instructions on how to proceed, the best advice about coping with life’s messy times and life’s glorious times.

The first time I read Virginia Woolf’s Mrs. Dalloway there was a moment when I looked up from the page where Woolf describes Mrs. Dalloway trying to encompass life, death, love and loss in a moment stolen from her glittering party and I thought: My life has changed completely. Now I know what I didn’t know before.

There is more life wisdom and expert advice in the pages of Jane Austen and George Eliot than in all the punditry on Sunday morning TV!

My experts come from books that I have read and will read in the future, magazine articles (which are mostly written by professionals), and of course, now, stories that I read on-line. I’m not one of those that have to learn the hard way. I enjoy learning from other peoples mistakes. I don’t see anything wrong with that.

I realize that that is not for everybody, but it has always worked good for me. I like being a simple person.

For me, it was an elementary school teacher who opened the world to new possibilities! How lucky we are when we have good teachers~

http://www.thefriendshipblog.com/blog/losing-best-friend-friendship-day-…