A Friend Stopped By | 07/06/2009 11:00 pm

Slouching Toward Paradise, by Katherine Russell Rich

Her 40th birthday behind her, the author of a powerful new memoir, Dreaming in Hindi, stumbles on a passion that changes her life.

By Katherine Russell Rich

Katherine Russell Rich

Photo credit: Gasper Tringale

Editor’s Note: Katherine Russell Rich is the author of the new memoir Dreaming in Hindi. She has written for many publications, including The New York Times Magazine, The Washington Post, Vogue and Salon. Her first memoir, The Red Devil, was the recipient of many literary awards.

My 40th birthday is memorable for the things I didn’t do. Here are a few of them: I didn’t gather friends and get giddy and lit. Nothing festive: I didn’t blow out candles. I didn’t go to a beach or to an antique city with a shadowy bazaar and while I could have if I’d wanted, I didn’t open gifts. Presents had arrived in the mail, but they were stacked in the closet and I forgot.

In this world, you drank a cigarette, night spread, you ate a beating. You ate the sun.

Here’s what I did do: got into bed throughout the day and, each time, went back to sleep.

In the months leading up to 40, I’d been doing that a lot. A cancer I’d had before had come back. Heading into the turn, I’d had a bone marrow transplant. Sacked out, I’d had a lot of time to think, and the thing I’d thought about most was how much I hated what a workaholic I’d become. I’d gotten married around my work schedule, gotten divorced around my work schedule, had narrowed my life to a tunnel. Workaholism deadened passion, I saw that now. And so I resolved, when I was back on my feet, I would get some passions.

The truth is, of course, you can’t do that. Passions have to find you. But with a workaholic’s steely willfulness, I tried. I made plans to bike through Turkey, but the preparation turned out to be grim, determined work: miles and miles uphill. This didn’t qualify.

Sometime after, still trying for a new kind of wildness, I accepted a fast assignment in India, telling myself I was living life passionately. But in reality, this was a work trip, so that didn’t really count. All the same, India was mesmerizing. For two weeks, the country flew by in tumbled glimpses: Turquoiseorangelime, the color stream of saris. A dun, flat highway that shot straight ahead with the force of an exclamation. When I came back, I wanted more. On a lark, as a joke almost, I signed up for a lesson in Hindi, the chief language of India.

16 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

I have just read about a woman - a woman I admire - for she is not afraid to live life, dare to go to what many think are faraway places where travelling alone would give you second thoughts - and maybe tenth thoughts if we were to be honest. My own theory and way of living is to step over those boundaries, those cultures so different than ours, and do what only few of us have "the ear", the intelligence, the talent for and then actually learn the language. Most of us would throw up our hands at the thought of learning Hindi - we did not know it was a language even. To me this tells me a lot. The author’s travels have only just begun. There is the inate curiosity lurking in the background as well as the confidence of success in a fascinating, yet difficult country. I am betting we will see more memoirs from Ms. Rich, but I am going out there and be the first to read this one … as it a rare moment to see a lone woman on the road and hear her tale of life so different from ours. She is to be applauded for taking the road less travelled . . . and squeeze it for all it’s worth!!

By joan larsen on 07/07/2009 12:57 am

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Gosh Joan, I won’t have time to read her book, since you just inspired me to travel.

By darcus grey on 07/07/2009 2:46 am

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Darcus … when an author writes so well - as this author does - she has me looking for my well-used passport as I have one foot out the door anyhow. If it is the most adventurous far-out travel, I am either going or I have been there. I live to travel. But that Hindi would daunt me, so for the rest of us going, I recommend FRENCH INDIA on its Eastern shores. From the years they were a French colony, they still talk French (and English) and have French schools, but in Pondicherry - a glorious place that borders on what is called "The French Riviera East" it is like dropping into another world - a world so far away but so appealing that you actually only tell your best friends so that it won’t be overrun with those "other peope" called tourists. But I so admire our author for dropping into India, getting both feet wet, and coming back with a tale of tales.

By joan larsen on 07/07/2009 9:00 am

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I always make a point to read what you write. I think you’re one of those few people born with joy in your heart.

By darcus grey on 07/08/2009 5:15 pm

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OOPS! I forgot that I had to register under another name when on another computer because there is some kind of glitch preventing me from commenting except on the computer on which I originally registered. Hence, my other registered name is ‘Darcus Grey.’ Only the ‘e’ is changed.

By darcus grey on 07/08/2009 6:11 pm

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Darcus … you certainly made my spirits soar … I mean even higher. So thank you so much.

By joan larsen on 07/09/2009 12:54 pm

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Dear Ms Russell Rich — You’ve captured me with your style as well as your story. Think I’ll take a peek at your book … Thank you, R.

By rocky rocky on 07/07/2009 10:02 am

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A Chinese woman : "Speaking in what seemed to be cymbals, in sounds like shimmering copper?!!" What a writer! This sentence alone has me in a mad rush to get this book. Thank you.

By Eileen Alannah on 07/07/2009 10:44 am

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I loved that whole passage too: When I was six, on a trip into town, we’d passed a Chinese woman speaking in what seemed to be cymbals, in sounds like shimmering copper. What, I wondered, if I could suddenly understand her? In this language that gleamed, you’d hear secrets told in angles and planes.

Love it!

By Slinky Binx on 07/07/2009 12:32 pm

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A journey to India is life changing. I first went there in 1970 with a backpack and a desire to experience the country. I will buy the book.

By Janice Westlund on 07/07/2009 1:33 pm

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What an inspiring and beautifully descriptive article… I’m going to order the book right now!

Haven’t we all had that secret agent fantasy?? (Except for Joan who is alreadly living that secret agent fantasy) :)

By Matilda Chester on 07/07/2009 2:39 pm

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Oh, please, don’t get me *started* on my secret agent fantasy! I don’t think that side of me has ever dimmed. haha (nor do I want it to ; )

By Eileen Alannah on 07/07/2009 9:05 pm

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I love to be around people who are passionate about something - ANYTHING! They are exciting, happy and energetic. And they will spend time sharing their passion with you…whatever it is. I just love the energy of a person who has fallen in love with life.

My passion is my art - painting canvases. I am very passionate about the process of creating…with oil paint.

I especially love people who are passionate about cooking. I love watching them create meals…and then get to enjoy them. Wonderful!

I think this is one of the joys of growing older. One becomes passionate…and doesn’t care what other people think. The old "Peer influence" dies and passion grows.

By Suzanne Frazier on 07/08/2009 9:39 pm

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This is the article I needed to read to get me going. It first attracted me because the title said the author had just past her 40th birthday (I’m 39 and just a few months away), and I kept reading because of the way she celebrated. But more so, what has hit me, is about passion finding you. I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out what direction to go in at this point in life, being at a crossroads, and its no wonder I have been hitting brick wall, or seizing up, as she calls (that is more fitting). So now the challenge will be to let go, relax a little, realize its not a race and give something a chance to find me. In the meantime, I gotta read this book!

By mia jade on 07/10/2009 7:50 am

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Here’s a book that just moved to the top of my "Must-be-read" list! Thanks for this wonderful interview wOw, and thanks to all the wonderful responses to the article. I have always longed to visit India, and by gum, I will! Perhaps I’ll even have a smattering of Hindi so I can talk to other women when I get there, and ask them about their lives and dreams. This thread makes me hopeful yet also sad about the lack of language studies in the US. We lag far behind the rest of the world in speaking a second - or even a third or fourth - language, and the way life is in these days, doesn’t that seem terribly short-sighted? Once people can sit and talk - even haltingly, with some grammatical flubs - it is just amazing what we can learn about one another. I remember my first trip to Italy, stumbling along in a strange half-Italian, half-English amalgam, and making so many new friends who were thrilled that I was making an effort. With all the current cuts in education budgets, I fear that our language studies for young people are truly suffering.

By Susan Crawford on 07/14/2009 9:18 am