E.

I too had a mother who cared more about her own happiness than what was happening to her children. My dad enjoyed being a father, but my mom left him for someone else. Our step-dad got too friendly with my sister and I, but my mother chose not to believe us. That relationship also ended. I never confronted her as an adult because I dislike confrontation. I did retain cordial contact with her, but with reticence on my side. Several years ago her current husband died suddenly and she expressed an interest in moving in with my family, or purchasing a trailer to place on our property. I ignored the comment because there was no way she was going to live that close to me. She suddenly died 5 months later and I didn’t have to deal with it. I felt a little guilt for not crying over her death.

My husband also had issues with his mother. She was manic depressive and on medication. She lived with my sister in law for awhile, but then went into assisted living. It was dificult for my husband to deal with her. He loved her, but couldn’t deal with her, as he also was on medication for awhile. I felt, in the issue of both of our mothers, that our marriage and child were more important to preserve than the appearance of a loving relationship with our mothers. Call us spoiled, the me-generation or whatever, but my marriage comes first.

Those willing and capable of taking in their parents or in-laws are definitely angels. 

After having a loved one in a nursing care facility, I have found these places are wonderful places, but they are not a "home".   It’s my opinion, with two incomes needed in current day families, most children are probably not be able to offer accomodations if the parent needs care of any sort.  End stage disease/illness typically requires more than living accomodations.

The number of people in nursing homes, who never have visits from sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, and other family, is very high according to some statistics I read not long ago.  That is sad.

I am lucky, if it comes to the fact that I no longer can take of myself and husband then one daughter has repeatedly said she wants me in her home.Her son will go to college in 4 years and she wants me there, I hope I do not have to do that so soon.

My son in law loves me and loves my cooking more so he is all set for some good cooking. He keeps telling me that he is ready any time.

I could not have lived very well with my mother in my home , I feel guilty for saying that but she never was what you would call an "easy person".

Here’s hoping I will not need that kind of help for a long while.

My daughter and I are friends.  We went through a rough patch when she was a teenager and, with prayer and hard work, we have come out the other end very close.  And, these days, myself, a woman in my late fifties and she in her mid twenties … I ‘had’ my girl in my early thirties … I find myself very grateful for our relationship.  Because I want, very much, and wherever I spend my elderly years, to be ‘heart’ close to this wonderful human being whom I call my daughter. 

As an independent woman of almost 80 and the mother of 2 adult children with families of their own, before considering sharing a home, I would appreciate telephone calls, visits, and conversation. Such contacts would enhance the quality of my life, for there are days when I remain indoors because of the weather or aches and pains, and a familiar voice does raise my spirit, for I speak to no one. And, losses are profound; it is not easy to replace an old friend or contemporary.

For several days during their school break, my 2 younger grandsons visited with me, and when they left, I was very sad; the apartment was dull and too quiet, and I resumed my role as independent person with no one to care for; their visit reminded me of my daily usefulness during those hectic, demanding family years.  

 My 40ish daughter sets strict boundaries, as the expression goes, which means conversation is minimal, telephone calls occur about babysitting, and listening non-existent. I do realize that my children are busy with their families, as well as with work, and their own social lives; however,I am disappointed that  there is a wide generation gap where goodwill is lacking.

Though I was not the best of daughters to my immigrant mother who criticized American life as being corrupt and dangerous, I do realize that I miss her, for she was a great role model, remaining independent for 15 after being widowed at 59. and refusing to move in with us (though we rented a large houe to accommodate her). Eventually, I found great housing for her where she maintained her own apartment in an urban senior residence with supportive health services, though she did not need assisted living, and  funds were limited; my children always say: "Grandma’s social like nearly killed her," because contemporaries in similar circumstances nurture each other. 

The social segregation in this country and the impersonal quality of organizations remind me how resilient my solitary, but gregarious mother had been; once she moved to a residence, she blossomed, found close friends, and I hope enjoyed her remaining years.  

I have friends whose elderly mothers live(d) with them, and though there are great differences in generations, the arrangments enhance everyone’s life. 

I applaud a daughter who recognizes that life is finite, and this is the time to cherish her mother’s presence in her home. Bravo! 

I don’t know if it’s "cool" but I know that it’s the right thing to do.

To my mother, her children were everything. I mean everything. Through her marriage, and divorce, she was always there for us. And I will be there for her. 

When the man I live with now, and have for over 30 years, first suggested we move in together, one of the four conditions I presented to him was that he never ask me to move far away from my mother. Because I wouldn’t. And that when the time came, I was going to do the right thing by her. Well, he is a gem.    

I want my mother to be independent, and safe. And right now she lives a thirty minute drive from me, and she walks four miles a day. She’s a mix of Sally Field, Shirley McClain, Meryl Streep and Ann Bancroft. So for now, she’s a handful, and life is good. But, my boyfriend and my mom have both told me that they don’t want to live in So. Calif. forever. So I have asked them to think about where they want to end up. And if we can agree on a place, we’ll move there. I just want them to be happy. And I’ll be happy too. So, maybe Seattle. Maybe Portland. Maybe Canada. We have a lot of decision making to do, until the housing market turns. 

I don’t know what the future will bring. But I know we will all be together. And I know there won’t be any nursing homes. I promised my mother. That is a promise I intend to keep. And as I actually like my mother, any labor involved will indeed be a labor of love.      

Who knows for sure, but that’s my plan.