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The Liz Smith Column | 09/01/2009 11:00 pm

Liz Smith: Angelina Jolie – In Distress and in Leather?!

Also from Our Gossip Girl: The Kennedy dynasty, not at an end … Yoko Ono, serene at 76 … Liz Smith, born to be a comic strip.
© Shutterstock

"She knows Brad can’t resist her in leather!"

This hilarious quote comes from a recent In Touch Weekly magazine as part of their ongoing coverage of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

You just know Angelina dropped this hint personally to someone who overheard it for In Touch.

Brad, the big star of Quentin Tarantino’s "Inglourious Basterds," is, the magazine insists, drinking too much, under stress and ignoring his ravishing lady. According to these "insiders," Miss Jolie, feeling neglected, resorted to provocative clothing to lure him back. (As far as I can see, Angelina always has provocative clothing that doesn’t have much to do with anything except what it’s partially covering up.) Another tipster-insider to In Touch says, "She’s using the best weapon she has – sex!"

Well, I must say, this actress and philanthropist has six children to attend to – even with nanny help and money – that’s a lot of tending. So I just don’t see Angelina getting up in leather these days to light Brad’s fire.

The same issue profiles another couple who are constantly on the brink of magazine divorce: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Again, the details in this reporting are so explicit, they just have to be made up. Nobody in Tom’s camp is running out of the room each time he and Katie disagree, to alert the glossies. And the Tom/Katie article was illustrated with photos of the pair, "analyzed" by body language experts. These "experts" even analyze daughter Suri, age three. They describe her as "sad, after the fight."

If you approach all this stuff like fiction, it is actually much more fun.

***

I watched Ted Kennedy’s mass memorial good-bye on Saturday morning because I was trapped in East Hampton in the rain. So I sat there all morning in my PJs and watched the VIPs, the Catholic Mass and all the wonderful children who spoke.

Then on Sunday, more rain, which kept me out of the Ralph Lauren stores and the Hermes shop fronts of Main Street. Again, I stayed by the TV and watched Maria Shriver on "Meet the Press."

So who says the Kennedy dynasty is at an end?

My new hero is Ted Kennedy Jr., who gave the best eulogy I ever heard for a departed father. And Maria Shriver also, who lost her mother and her famous uncle in the space of two weeks. She told David Gregory – when speaking of lives devoted to service – that she had a strong memory of her mother’s dictum: "Have an idea. If you don’t have an idea, where are you?"

This week I picked up Shelley Ackerman’s astrological newsletter, which is very smart and "with it." Read it on shelley@karmicrelief.com She is quoting Rabindranath Tagore: "I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy."

***

Newsweek, like many U.S. news magazines, put Ted Kennedy on its cover. The editors went with a shot of the young Teddy, dark-haired and handsome. (Because he lived into a gray old age, many have forgotten that Ted – not Jack nor Bobby – was the real male looker in the family.) And just to prove that JFK, at the height of his powers on the day of his inauguration, was feeling prescient – he gave Teddy a silver cigarette box with the biblical inscription engraved: "And the last shall be first."

And, in a way, so it came to pass.

***

But the Newsweek photo that really stopped me in my tracks is on page 51 and it’s of Yoko Ono. It accompanies a story by Seth Colter Walls on Yoko’s long and controversial career as a musician and her new album "Between My Head and the Sky."

18 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Rachel M
I am waiting for Tom Cruise to trade in another wife. He does this every 10 years. Hopefully Katie will get a clue when she will get her walking papers. He is an uneducated idiot who has no clue that he is. No wonder he is an actor who no longer get people to see his bad movies.
By Rachel M on 09/01/2009 11:59 pm
Frannie Em
What would I do without Liz Smith?  I get a kick out of your straightforward take on your subjects.  Love that quote of Eunice Shriver - it is so true.
By Frannie Em on 09/02/2009 12:42 am
Lin Cercone
I don’t know anything about Tom’s personal life, but I do wonder WHY he’s been making so many boring movies.  Remember Jerry McGuire?  It was so entertaining.  Of course the Mission Imp. movies are usually good, but not as good as Matt Damon’s Bourne movies.  What’s going on in LALALand, they just can’t seem to make many good movies anymore.  They spend hundreds of milions of dollars on crap.  Clint Eastwood seems to be the only "movie maker" left.  What happened to Speilberg, Hanks, etc.? One of my favorites is Michael Douglas, where is he?  Last movie he played an old timer, WHAT?  I want to see Michael Douglas play the romantic lead with Cate Blanchard, or someone of equal talent, he’s wasting some very sexy years playing old guys.  I would love to see a remake of East Side, West Side.  With Douglas in the Van Heflin role, Blanchard in the Stanwyck role, and Catherine Zeta Jones in an expanded version of the Ava Gardner role - I think it would be great.
By Lin Cercone on 09/02/2009 1:43 am
R.J.B. Reed
The new Star Trek, Lord of the Rings trilogy, Harry Potter films, and the first Pirates of the Caribbean were all quite good and fairly recent so I don’t think it’s really fair to say good movies aren’t being made any more.
By R.J.B. Reed on 09/02/2009 10:25 am
Lin Cercone
HEY RJB:  I didn’t write they don’t make any good movies anymore, I wrote they don’t make many good movies…  Although the ones you mentioned don’t happen to fall into the "my cup of tea" catagory.
By Lin Cercone on 09/02/2009 10:54 am
Lin Cercone
HEY RJB:  I didn’t write they don’t make any good movies anymore, I wrote they don’t make many good movies…  Although the ones you mentioned don’t happen to fall into the "my cup of tea" catagory.
By Lin Cercone on 09/02/2009 10:54 am
Wendy R

I agree that new Star Trek was one of the best movies I have seen in a long time, they are talking Oscar. Transformers 1&2 were great. Tom has not really made any good movies lately, but he is a good actor and I’m sure he will pull out of the slump.

By Wendy R on 09/02/2009 2:58 pm
Carol Lonergan
You meant (Catherine Élise) "Cate" Blanchett, not ‘Cate Blanchard’(sic), right…?
By Carol Lonergan on 09/03/2009 12:07 pm
Lin Cercone
Oh Carol: You are so right.  Thank you.  I probably shouln’t reply at 2 or 3 a.m.  I need coffee to think.  Have you ever seen "East Side West Side"?
By Lin Cercone on 09/03/2009 1:27 pm
carol grzonka
what a lovely, inspiring mantra ‘service is joy’.  if more people acted as if this were true, the world would be a warmer place.
By carol grzonka on 09/02/2009 5:31 am
Lee Harrison

Liz,

I’m jealous of your time in East Hampton…even in the rain!  Do you ever brush elbows with Ina Garten, The Barefoot Contessa from the Food Network?  She’s be a cool interview.

By Lee Harrison on 09/02/2009 10:13 am
R.J.B. Reed

I’ve always laughed at the photo analysis too.  I remember one picture they took of just Angelina when she was pregnant with her first child.  The caption was, "Angelina, pregnant and alone….  Why has Brad abandoned her."  Based on the photo, he *could’ve* been about ten feet away and not shown up.

I’m certainly glad that people aren’t trying to interpret my life through my photos.  I suppose famous people learn to ignore it. 

By R.J.B. Reed on 09/02/2009 10:28 am
DeBúrca obj

I would like to get a photo analysis of Jolie watching her father, Jon Voight, on FOX giving "political commentary"!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpN-dqTNkPc

"Years ago, when a celebrity outlasted his or her shine in the world of ratings and box office sales and their welcome in the hearts of fans waned, there was a game show called "Hollywood Squares" where they could while away the time answering questions and cracking jokes.

Today there is another place that washed up celebrities go once they realize that their career is in the tank. They become celebrity spokesmen for the Republican National Committee. Enter Jon Voight… " 

By DeBúrca obj on 09/02/2009 10:52 am
Maggie W

I love the Newsweek photo of Ted Kennedy.  Yes, Ted certainly was a looker.  Newsweek did a marvelous job of chronicling his life, the achievements and the warts.

And gracious.. look at Yoko Ono in that same magazine!  At 76, she looks quite glamorous!

By Maggie W on 09/02/2009 12:28 pm
Beth Cornell
Truth be told. The only Kennedy I did like was Eunice. Don’t know much about Jean (the surviving of Joe an Rose Kennedy). I like that she took it upon herself to help others in need and pull them up. She did wonders for disabled people not only with Mental disabilities but with Physical ones too. And I do love her quote also.
By Beth Cornell on 09/02/2009 8:01 pm