The Liz Smith Column | 08/06/2009 11:00 pm

Liz Smith: Farrah and Ryan – The Dark Side

Also from Our Gossip Girl, a famous ‘séance’ becomes an opera.

"She was the most beautiful woman in a room full of beautiful women," says the great mentor Sue Mengers of Hollywood’s Farrah Fawcett. This was back in the days when Sue was running the careers of both Farrah and Ryan O’Neal.

So, while we’re thinking of this, let’s give a "brava" to writer Leslie Bennetts, one of the best when it comes to examining pop culture hero and heroines. We’re talking now about Leslie’s new Vanity Fair piece on Farrah.

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Farrah was, as Ms. Bennetts indicates, a much more complicated woman than her one-dimensional big-mane-of-hair image suggested. There was steel beneath the velvet sweetness, and something a bit darker under that oft-giddy façade.

I always felt Farrah expressed a great deal of herself through her later dramatic work. ("Murder In Texas," "The Burning Bed," "Extremities," "Small Sacrifices," "The Apostle.") I never wrote this while Farrah was alive, because I thought it might hurt her and she and I were Texas friends. But I sensed a certain masochism in how she totally submerged herself in the intense, usually suffering women she portrayed; she was relaying messages about her own life, her experiences as a woman and as a world-famous figure. (There is a telling moment in the TV miniseries "Poor Little Rich Girl," based on the life of heiress Barbara Hutton. Toward the end, one of the characters turns on Farrah-as-Hutton: "Nobody could put up with you. You are impossible!" And Fawcett replies with a raw croak, "Don’t you think I know it?" I had a feeling Farrah had played that scene already.)

And for sure, there was masochism in her long, tumultuous relationship with Ryan O’Neal, who was (and is) both a charmer and a brute.

Here is a story I was told years ago, by a source I trusted. In the early days of their romance, Farrah and Ryan were on a plane, heading to or returning from Europe. They were alone in a section of the first-class cabin. Suddenly a big ruckus was overheard – it sounded like somebody was being roughed up. It went on for so long and so ferociously that the singer Ella Fitzgerald, also aboard, rose from her seat and was about to storm in and put an end to it. But a member of Farrah and Ryan’s entourage stopped Ella, "No, don’t. Don’t interfere. This is their ‘thing.’" Of course, Farrah had quite a temper – maybe it was Ryan who was being roughed up. And more power to Farrah if it was! (The tougher side of Farrah was revealed when her face was in repose. She wasn’t really that beautiful unless she had the smile going. Without it, she could look almost plain, and very determined, nobody’s brainless pinup.)

As to Bennetts’ anecdotes in the VF piece, they are astonishing. Almost everything Ryan says is shocking or unpleasant – even when he’s "just joking." The quotes from Ryan about his own children, well … I didn’t think I could be more sympathetic toward Tatum O’ Neal than I already am, but Ryan’s words were the limit! I’m surprised Tatum and the rest of his kids can function at all. In some quarters Ryan is being praised for at least admitting he has been and is a terrible parent. Fine. He has some self-knowledge. Then he calls his daughter Tatum a "bitch" for writing her own life story.

Still, Tatum takes a more forgiving attitude. She shrugs it off now. She even seemed somewhat amused that Ryan didn’t recognize her at Farrah’s funeral, and tried to pick her up! (I’ll never forget the paparazzi pics of Ryan screaming at Tatum, on a beach somewhere – she was still a teenager – and Tatum’s stricken, sobbing retreat from her enraged parent.)

64 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

I wonder, why is so much time, effort, and print is given to trashy people? And don’t tell me they aren’t trashy. Flirting with a woman at the funeral of the "love of your life" is trashy. Beating up on people is trashy. Hitting cars with baseball bats is trashy. Allowing yourself to be beaten is super trashy. Sorry she died in such a painful way, but enough about these trashy ones!

By O E on 08/07/2009 12:10 pm

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I never cared for Ryan O’Neal, but for all the reasons people have commented on above, and his actions in the last month of Farrah’s life, I truly detest the man. I didn’t find him a sincere or sympathetic person in the least. They obviously had some kind of dysfunctional relationship that served their needs, but he milked her suffering and death for all it was worth.

I realize I am passing judgments here, but, come on, when your heart is breaking at the thought of the imminent passing of the love of your life, why would you submit to every interview from morning to late night telling strangers how much you love her, how it was "creepy" because her eyes were open her last days, even though she wasn’t really seeing, etc., etc. That is disgusting. And all this with his eyes pulled so tightly that I don’t think tears would even be able to penetrate anyway.

Just a bit of trivia, I knew Tatum O’Neal’s mother was an addict, but I was so surprised to hear she was abusive. Have any of you ever seen her on old episodes of Andy Griffith? She was so pretty and sweet. It’s kind of weird the way we recall people from one moment in time caught forever in the world of reruns!

By Gianna Bracco on 08/07/2009 6:36 pm

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I know just what you mean about Tatum O’Neal’s mother. It is hard to reconcile that lovely lady from the Andy Griffith Show with her real life.

By Deena B. on 08/07/2009 8:02 pm

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Hi Gianna……I am glad to hear I wasn’t the only one that found Ryan’s seemingly continuos presence giving interviews about "how in love they were" creepy. I found the one with, I think it was Barbara Walters, where he talked about how they wanted to get married………it was just weird…………

Tatum O’Neil was on Andy Griffith?

By MK P on 08/08/2009 8:34 am

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Sorry, Gianna……..it’s early this morning for me…….I need to read for comprehension. =) You said it was Tatum O’Neil’s mother who was on Andy Griffith — but, what part did she play?

By MK P on 08/08/2009 8:39 am

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Hi MK P … she wasn’t a regular on the show, but on some of the early ones she played the town nurse and, of course, she dated Andy! Now I’m curious and will probably check out Tatum’s book at the library.

By Gianna Bracco on 08/08/2009 7:31 pm

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Here is the information about Joanna Cook Moore - Tatum’s mother from a bio I just found -

She was born Dorothy Cook, the elder of two daughters, in Americus, Georgia to Henry Cook, an atomic scientist, and Dorothy English Cook. When she was a child, her parents and younger sister were involved in a fatal car accident. Her mother and sister died immediately, while her father died a year after the accident from the injuries he sustained. For a time, Cook was raised by her grandmother until she became mentally and physically incapable. Cook was then adopted by a wealthy local family and changed her name from Dorothy to Joanna.[2]

I’d say that was enough to set one on the path to using drugs - what a number of tragedies she experienced, not the least of which was marrying Ryan O’Neal. Poor woman.

By Pdr de on 08/13/2009 10:40 pm

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Farrah and Ryan were a textbook abusive relationship. Truth be told, and I write this in the harsh light of the Hollywood shelf life thing … both of these people peaked, artistically and physically, years ago … and never evolved from ‘the best of times’ and thus became, for all to see ‘the worst of times.’ The action of Ryan attempting to pick up anyone at his wife’s funeral was, as observed, fairly creepy but, when considering Tatum O’Neal, this beautiful woman and, yes, Ryan, well past middle age and bloated … well … the observation goes beyond creepy to delusional on the part of Ryan. Farrah, may she rest in peace. And Ryan? Well, yes, Virginia, there is a god and She is allowing Ryan to grow into an undistinguished and unattractive old age. As someone who only touches so-called psychobabble with a ten foot pole, Ryan stands, firmly entrenched, as a deeply toxic person.

By Harriet Shoebridge on 08/08/2009 6:20 am

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I miss Sue Mengers, too. :)

By Washington Cube on 08/08/2009 10:37 pm

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Let’s wave to her. Maybe she’ll wave back!

By Baby Snooks on 08/10/2009 6:45 pm

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I read Tatum’s autobiography. She is of course an addict and recent reports suggest that her latest recovery may not be quite solid. Of course, all of Ryan O’Neal’s childrens are addicts. In her autobiography Tatum was very open about Ryan’s violence towards her (he reportedly knocked her across the room when she was nominated for the Academy Award and he was not in *Paper Moon*) her siblings and Farrah.

I do not know why she stayed with him so long nor why she clung to him at the end. Its a sad thing when someone as beautiful and apparently warm and giving has so little self-esteem.

Did Ryan really make a pass at Tatum at Farrah’s funeral? That is even beyond the evil Tatum described in her book. Those kids did not ever have a chance to get out of that as well people. Their only option was numbing through drugs. So sad.

But…while Farrah was not responsible for what happened to Tatum, she was responsiible for her own son. She failed him. So, I will not be talking about *our angel*.

By Teresa Kerwick on 08/09/2009 12:49 am

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Of course, Farrah had quite a temper – maybe it was Ryan who was being roughed up. And more power to Farrah if it was!

So, the author of this story thinks is all ok to support violence against men? Wow. How nice, especially coming from someone who would probably be up in arms at the very thought of a man commmiting violence against a woman?

Such views have no place in today’s society. At all! This author should be severely reprimanded for saying it was ok for Farrah to ‘rough up’ Ryan.

By tj goldstein on 08/09/2009 8:35 am

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Griffin is sober now, happily married with a child/children; Tatum has been in rehab too and wrote a book about her experiences; Redmond, only in his 20s, still in jail/prison. Ryan’s three children….all have used and gone to rehab. I watched….listened to Griffin to Larry King on LKL and I don’t believe that anything he said was….disingenuous. I believe what he said about his father, or Ryan as he calls his father, now. The bust up between Grifin and Ryan at Ryan’s Malibu home, happened because Griffin was trying to help Redmond ("Red") and I guess Ryan blocked Griffin from entering into Redmond’s bedroom. I’m thinking there were drugs in their, facilitated by Ryan. Then Griffin decided to confront his father then and there about how he felt about Ryan not being a father.

For Ryan to have made a comment about his daughter when she appears at Farrah’s funeral….what was that? He thought she was an attractive Swedish woman and CAME ONTO her for god’s sake. She may have laughed it off but I didn’t find it amusing. I believe that Ryan has a volatile personality and punched Griffin’s spouse and hit Griffin with the nasty end of a fire poker and now Griffin wears a scar and his spouse, she needed stitches. Is that anger and/or drugs….doesn’t matter. What matters is….he reacted that way to Griffin’s concern about his brother Redmond.

What kind of a father takes his younger son out partying and supplying said son with drugs or….money to buy them? That’s a profoundly dysfunctional father and he needs counselling. "Nuff" said!!

By Carol Harrison on 08/10/2009 8:00 pm

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The question can be asked what kind of mother allows the father to? Redmond got in trouble in Texas as well. Reportedly more than once. But once that everyone knew about. He was given "diversion" meaning if he stayed out of trouble there would be no record. Well, you know, he went back to California and got into a lot of trouble. And the court in Texas should have tossed him in prison to force the issue neither he nor his mother were willing to. They both obviously had some abuse/addiction problems. Which they would have had to deal with if they forced the issue with Redmond. A classic pattern in families with abuse/addiction problems.

By Baby Snooks on 08/10/2009 10:47 pm

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It still looks to me that we are all living out our life programs, thereby experiencing exactly what we should. Or else, why is there no preventability of unpleasant events? There is never anything learned from present experiences that will prevent similar events in the future. History proves it. The alternatives are that GOD makes mistakes, or accidents can happen. We all know accidents are non existent.

By albert miller on 08/12/2009 4:38 pm