The Liz Smith Column | 10/15/2009 4:00 am

Liz Smith: Jon and Kate Plus the Lohans – Mommies and Daddies Dearest?

Our Gossip Girl also asks: Was Lindsay’s fashion collection really that bad?

Lindsay Lohan © AP

"There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have charge of children, but there can be no doubt that parents are the worst," said George Bernard Shaw.

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Even a confirmed cynic like Mr. Shaw must be spinning at the antics of "celebrity parents," such as the soon-to-be-divorced Jon and Kate Gosselin, and the long-divorced Michael and Dina Lohan (parents of the tabloid-magnet Lindsay).

The Gosselins are a template for the late 20th- and early 21st-century obsession to become famous by any means. In Kate Gosselin’s case, she got herself a passel of invitro-ed sextuplets (she already had twins) and then decided to push them all on TV, because, guess what, these parents had no money to support their brood. The once-respectable Learning Channel put these deadbeats on the air.

In the years that the show "Jon & Kate Plus 8" has been inflicted on America, Kate has revealed herself as a steely-eyed control freak with high ambitions for a life outside of her home – she wants to be a star, a talk-show hostess.

Jon, her hubby, is an overweight, dim, resentful sad sack with a spine of jelly. He’s the type who could turn any woman into a shrew. He has ambitions too. He wants to party with ladies who haven’t given birth to eight children and who don’t correct him every five minutes.

The J&K saga has devolved into charges of looted bank accounts, judicial arbitrations and sudden, passionate "epiphanies" – the latter courtesy of Jon, who has shut the show down "for the sake of his exploited children." He did this the day after he was essentially fired from the series.

General ugliness and unconvincing weeping from both parties is an almost daily occurrence. The no-nonsense Kate has had no epiphanies. She says she must continue to use her kids, because how else is she going to support them? And anyway, there’s that career as the new Kelly Ripa to ponder. This unattractive, emotionally stunted, intellectually barren couple now dominates the glossy magazine covers, often acing out Brad and Angie, who are at least great looking and work for a living.

There is no escape from the Gosselins. Trust me.

Some people say the Gosselins’ kids should be taken away from their camera-ready parents, that they have been abused and harmed in the process of being moneymaking props on a TV show. Well, the same could be said about any child actor on a normal sitcom or series. Or any child actor, period. (There are occasional exceptions such as Jodie Foster, who appears to have been born with wisdom, as well as talent.)

The Jon and Kate children will most likely be harmed by the antics and instability of their parents. But that’s not real abuse; it’s just a lousy childhood. I see therapy couches.

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As for the Lohans – what a pair! Daddy Michael was in trouble with the law for a long time – stock fraud, for which he was jailed four years, probation violation (more jail), violating a court order to stay away from his children (and still more jail time!). He is afflicted with terminal verbal diarrhea, and can’t-stay-away-from-the-camera-itis. Almost always he is talking about his famous daughter.

The mother, Dina, is a ferociously taut, blonde Mama Rose, who saw a moneymaking "Gypsy" in the talented Lindsay. She has lived and partied vicariously through – and sometimes with – her daughter, existing in a heightened state of denial. "There’s nothing wrong with Lindsay, blame it on her youth." That was a passable excuse when Lohan was 16, 17, 18, 19. Now she is 23, a woman. And while Lindsay may not be the melting mess that websites such as TMZ and Perez insist she is, there is some reason to believe she still has "issues."

58 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Schadenfreude is so right..We all seem to enjoy the gossip vicariously even when we don’t own T.V.s. I own one but never looked at the show until you couldn’t avoid the in your face stories at every checkout etc.

Liz, really good insight into the Gosselins. He and She are so immature and made such bad decisions all along the way. The kids need to be supported and are very cute the few times I have seen them. The answer lies in the parents growing up and behaving like real parents. That means spending time with the children and behaving decently to each other.

As for Jodie Foster, she just happens to be gifted mentally and mom did something right in sending her to good schools and keeping her priorities in order. I don’t know about the other young actors like Lindsay Lohan but even if she is gifted the parenting lacked maturity from both of the publicity hounds. She is young enough to get on a better path and I hope she does.

All of the answers on this site are so good and intelligent that is why I like WOW. Thanks fellow WoWers.

By katywon LA.. on 10/15/2009 2:11 pm

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K,LA:

I AGREE, I too have never seen the tv show, but can’t avoid the Gosselins and Lohans because they’re on every other show, including the NEWS.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could see Lindsey’s mom and dad doing something positive and NOT cashing in on her fame and talent, or John looking for a job instead of standing around smoking and giving interviews to TMZ and any other pap questioning him.

I heard today that Jon wants to get plastic surgery, maybe he’ll have a sex change, then he and Lindsey’s dad (his new best friend), can skip off into the sunset together, NEVER TO BE SEEN OR HEARD FROM AGAIN.

By Lin Cercone on 10/15/2009 4:14 pm

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Gee Liz, Why don’t you tell us how you really feel about the Goslins;-)

My heart breaks for Lindsay Lohan. I think she’s a real talent and a hard-working soul. If only she’d had at least one grownup for a parent.

By Lee Harrison on 10/15/2009 3:51 pm

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And now comes word, via TMZ, that Lindsay Lohan is in trouble again and headed back to court tomorrow and possibly headed to jail for violation of her probation.

By Baby Snooks on 10/15/2009 5:34 pm

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I love your gossip column, Liz. That’s why I’m a subscriber. In fact, today’s column might serve as a warning to any child star. I hope Lindsay Lohan doesn’t have a tragic end with her poor judgment and because no one is looking out for her best interests. The Gosselins look like they’re copying the Lohan’s parenting skills. I know Kate used to be an obstetrics nurse, but what did Jon do before they put their kids on TV? I’m sure it’s a serious paycut from TV.

By Laura Ward on 10/15/2009 9:54 pm

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Well to be completely accurate, Jon and Kate did not have in vitro…they used drugs which increased her egg production. So, they did not intentionally implant a large number of embryos. And, ,they didn’t already have 6-8 kids as did octomom. But, I agree with everything else Liz said. I watched the show for awhile but when they quit focusing on the kids and started focusing on Jon and Kate’s teeth whitening, his implants, the weekly trips to various locations all provided gratis to them I was turned off by it all. And it was painful to watch Kate beome more and more verbally abusive to Jon…..for simple things like not using a coupon on putting the wrong shoes on the kids…or not combing the girls hair right (hey at least he was putting some shoes on them and attempting to comb their hair). Its pretty clear she has a huge agenda that involves her and her alone and that he is going through an early mid-life crisis and acting like a fool. This show cannot be cancelled soon enough for me. As for Kate, who has spent most of the last 2 years touring and promoting her books and not with her kids, good luck with that talk show. At this point I think most of America is so disgusted with the two of them, she will be lucky to get a gig handing out samples in a grocery store.

By Katharine Gray on 10/16/2009 12:21 am

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I always had the same thought when I watched that show…why does he stay with her? I was constantly shocked at the way she talked to him, screamed at him, berated him..take your pick. If I treated my husband that way, I would fully expect him to check out, at least mentally, at some point. The reason I was usually on his side…when the guy worked (I believe he worked in computers), she yelled at him for not getting home fast enough, for not answering his phone at work, etc. When he started working from home, she yelled at him for not helping. Basically, anything the man did, she found fault with in some way. That’s why I find it hard to get on the "Jon is a douche-bag" bandwagon…because she is a grade-A bitch, and has been for most of the show’s run. (The very first special they did, she was actually semi-normal, and they appeared to have a good relationship). Women (and men) who treat their spouses like garbage shouldn’t be so shocked when that person decides to take off.

By Elizabeth Newman on 10/16/2009 12:25 pm

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Jon and Kate are rather dull, aren’t they? Except, of course, when she’s taking a strip off him and he’s sulking. And the children … well … there’s nothing natural about children who have spent the last few years with cameras in their face … and … alright, here it comes … those girls are beginning to ‘sound’ like their mother, the tone of voice, the snipping. And who wants to see that role modelling??? With the little boys, as well, this mopping along with dad thing.

Again, I think that the support for Kate comes with the current misinterpretation of rude behaviour as assertiveness. No, from where I’m sitting, she’s not assertive, just rude.

Ah, enough of this. If Glenn Beck and Rush Lumbagh (sp?) can make millions, well, why not Kate Gosselin?

By Harriet Shoebridge on 10/16/2009 7:11 am

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RE: The Gosselins Although I began to watch this show when it first aired, I quickly tired of hearing Kate "bitching" about just about everything. At first I believed that Jon was choosing not to be as involved, but later concluded that Kate was only giving him certain tasks to do. They each needed to work more closely together. I don’t believe that the filming has produced the major abuse for these children. It is the major fallout from the constant, very public arguments between the 2 parents which is damaging to the psyche of these adorable children. But it is our fault for being so obsessed with this gossip. Kate & Jon need to drop out of the public eye. We, the public, need to get a life of our own. RE: LINDSAY LOHAN Since when are we so critical of her new Fashion Line, given some of the outrageous designs appearing on Runways every where for the last 50 years??? A tad prejudicial, folks!!! PS WHY are we so enamoured of people who choose to put their children to work in order to support a large family? Pioneers and farm families have done it for years. Don’t hear much criticism of them! Circus families include their children in their career choice. Some modern day Cirque du Soleil performers travel with their children who have become interested in the art. Parents of "little people", oversized adults and Siamese twins have often chosen to support large families by taking their "different" children on the road. While we may be slightly critical of their life style, it is we, their public, who allow our curiosity to become obsessed by the lives of these people. Canada had its Dionne Quintuplets near North Bay Ontario. MILLIONS of people flocked there with media just to line up and watch the Quints in a fenced in enclosure for 5 minutes. They were paraded before royalty, the world and TV. And their parents had no part in this decision. It was the Quints’ Doctor and the government who made these stupid decisions. The parents were not even allowed in the "Clinic" to look after their own children. It was never a question of being able to financially raise them with their other children. Althought the family was relatively poor, they managed quite well when the court finally awarded them care of the 5 girls when they were almost 9. The abuse in this case was squarely at the hands of the public, the Doctor and the Government employees who engineered this fiasco.

By Sharon McBride on 10/16/2009 10:25 am

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I never watched the J&K show, but know of the family in a "glancing manner," as I glance at the news paper articles about them, as I am turing to the next page. So, I thank Ms. Smith, for her perspective on the elder Gosselins.

By Patricia Sprofera on 10/17/2009 2:13 am