The Liz Smith Column | 07/08/2009 11:00 pm
Liz Smith: Michael Jackson as Dad – Surprisingly Normal?
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Michael Jackson's children © Getty Images
"Oh, honey, people believe what they want to believe," said Ava Gardner, questioned on her flamboyant public image.
***
Only hours after Michael Jackson’s impressive memorial service at L.A.’s Staples Center, I had a long chat with somebody who knew Michael, "not an intimate ‘best friend,’" my source advised, but someone who saw Michael parenting his children over a number of years. I think these observations bear repeating:
"You, know, whenever I read anything about Michael Jackson, or saw him on TV or in interviews, I always thought, ‘Oh, how weird!’ But whenever I met him with his children, I’d think, ‘Oh, how normal!’ Eventually, I purposely avoided reading or watching anything about him. I preferred to relate to him as a parent."
And what kind of parent was Michael Jackson?
"I have to say, and I know it’s hard to believe, but a very good one. He was gentle with them, but stern when he needed to be. Once, he and the kids were over and one of them was being a little unruly, like a normal youngster. Well, something got broken. It was nothing valuable and I said just forget it and of course like any child, this one was happy to be let off the hook.
"But Michael wouldn’t have it. He said, ‘No. You broke something. You have to have respect for people’s things. I want you to apologize properly.’ And so the child did, and that was the end of it, but I was impressed. He wanted his children to have normal values. Of course, they had a lot, materially, but he seemed to instill in them that they were special because they had so much and shouldn’t take it for granted.
"Whatever issues Michael had elsewhere in his life, it seemed to me he was trying to do double duty in giving his children love, but not indulge them, or encourage outrageous behavior. I must say, there wasn’t one ‘weird’ characteristic in Michael Jackson when it came to his parenting. After I got to know him, the rest of it fell away. I’m not saying he didn’t have issues, but they were absent with the children, and honestly, I came not even to think of him as ‘that’ Michael Jackson."
I asked my source, who had become somewhat emotional in remembering Michael, how he thought the children would fare now, with their only parent gone. There was a long pause.
"In all the time I knew Michael, I never heard him criticize one member of his family. On the other hand, I never heard him praise any of them or mention even one of them. My impression of the Jackson family is one of dysfunction and jealousy and guilt, qualities that were not a part of Michael’s parenting and the world he created for his kids. While Michael was alive, his children knew only love. I’m a little concerned at what they’ll have to contend with now, because they are really quite alone."
***
Aside from Michael Jackson’s departure and then "the departure" of Sarah Palin from public political life, to go fishing – these are already the dog days and nothing much is going on.
For instance, over the 4th, where was the glamorous Nicole Kidman? Why, she was at a wedding in Rhinebeck, NY, with her husband, Keith Urban, and they were holding their gorgeous baby girl, one-year-old Sunday Rose, in their arms.
The wedding joined the director Griffin Dunne to his devoted Australian film and magazine stylist, Anna Bingemann. There were 80 guests, many from Down Under, and the most literary and celebrated of these was the groom’s famous father, writer Dominick Dunne of Vanity Fair.
***
Only hours after Michael Jackson’s impressive memorial service at L.A.’s Staples Center, I had a long chat with somebody who knew Michael, "not an intimate ‘best friend,’" my source advised, but someone who saw Michael parenting his children over a number of years. I think these observations bear repeating:
"You, know, whenever I read anything about Michael Jackson, or saw him on TV or in interviews, I always thought, ‘Oh, how weird!’ But whenever I met him with his children, I’d think, ‘Oh, how normal!’ Eventually, I purposely avoided reading or watching anything about him. I preferred to relate to him as a parent."
And what kind of parent was Michael Jackson?
"I have to say, and I know it’s hard to believe, but a very good one. He was gentle with them, but stern when he needed to be. Once, he and the kids were over and one of them was being a little unruly, like a normal youngster. Well, something got broken. It was nothing valuable and I said just forget it and of course like any child, this one was happy to be let off the hook.
"But Michael wouldn’t have it. He said, ‘No. You broke something. You have to have respect for people’s things. I want you to apologize properly.’ And so the child did, and that was the end of it, but I was impressed. He wanted his children to have normal values. Of course, they had a lot, materially, but he seemed to instill in them that they were special because they had so much and shouldn’t take it for granted.
"Whatever issues Michael had elsewhere in his life, it seemed to me he was trying to do double duty in giving his children love, but not indulge them, or encourage outrageous behavior. I must say, there wasn’t one ‘weird’ characteristic in Michael Jackson when it came to his parenting. After I got to know him, the rest of it fell away. I’m not saying he didn’t have issues, but they were absent with the children, and honestly, I came not even to think of him as ‘that’ Michael Jackson."
I asked my source, who had become somewhat emotional in remembering Michael, how he thought the children would fare now, with their only parent gone. There was a long pause.
"In all the time I knew Michael, I never heard him criticize one member of his family. On the other hand, I never heard him praise any of them or mention even one of them. My impression of the Jackson family is one of dysfunction and jealousy and guilt, qualities that were not a part of Michael’s parenting and the world he created for his kids. While Michael was alive, his children knew only love. I’m a little concerned at what they’ll have to contend with now, because they are really quite alone."
***
Aside from Michael Jackson’s departure and then "the departure" of Sarah Palin from public political life, to go fishing – these are already the dog days and nothing much is going on.
For instance, over the 4th, where was the glamorous Nicole Kidman? Why, she was at a wedding in Rhinebeck, NY, with her husband, Keith Urban, and they were holding their gorgeous baby girl, one-year-old Sunday Rose, in their arms.
The wedding joined the director Griffin Dunne to his devoted Australian film and magazine stylist, Anna Bingemann. There were 80 guests, many from Down Under, and the most literary and celebrated of these was the groom’s famous father, writer Dominick Dunne of Vanity Fair.
Read more about: Anna Bingemann, Ava Gardner, Celebrities, Deborah Lee, Dominick Dunne, Gossip, Griffin Dunne, Hannah Dunne, Hugh Jackman, Isla Fisher, Keith Urban, Liev Schreiber, Liz Smith, Michael Jackson, Naomi Watts, News, Nicole Kidman, Sacha Baron Cohen, Sarah Palin, The Liz Smith Column, Uma Thurman
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What in the…? Michael Jackson chose to buy his children, making certain that no natural mother was in their life, or remained to care for them, after his passing.
Narcissism to the enth degree. A "good father" would have had provided his children with access to a mother. But no, not the Gloved One…
Sick, sick Hollywood.
Kelly, after reading the "main" story, I began to think that he wanted children simply to be loved for he was, not the star everyone else wanted him to be. Don’t get me wrong, there were many wierd things about him these children will need to learn how to deal with and I was sick of the media coverage, sick, sick of it. But to me, it was just another way his "family" exploited him for the money and the notoriety. It is a wierd thing, but I am glad he was a loving normal father to his children who will unfortunately bear the pain of the ugly things that people think they have to say about him. Sometimes, we in a America are very ugly people when others are in pain. For so many, the pain from those who are wealthy or well known is celebrated and it makes me sick and ashamed. Talk about wierd…
Laura Orr
Well Laura…I do not agree with you one bit that "we in America are very ugly people". Nope wrong…we are THE most giving and contribute the MOST to world wide pain and suffering. Americans can be proud of their generosity.
Michael Jackson was more than "in pain" to protray him as a vicitm and "just a normal loving father" who happened to be in pain is to turn a blind eye to the facts. He used his celebrity to exploit his addiction and sickness. Mere mortals would have been imprisoned.
He got away with a lot, because of his musical talents. Now his "children" are paying the price of his narcissism. He did it to himself and his children. He is to blame. He could have made other choices.
And he chose not to.
And that Laura…is the sick part.
NOT TO MENTION….the FACTS that all of these drugs were in REACH and access of the CHILDREN…what kind of loving and "good" father leaves them where a child can get their hands on them?
Many of the drugs were obtained through false names and some were drug prescribed to OTHER people.
TO THOSE WHO SAY THAT HE WAS A GOOD FATHER….BS!!!!
Partial list of drug evidence
Versed
Promethazine
Alprazolam
Percocet
IV Bags
All found scattered around the residence within reach of the children. All dangerous drugs…especially if taken in combinations. These drugs were found as far back as 2003….he should have been arrested back then.
Oops errors! What I meant was, How do you know that. As far as I am concern, there are more sane parents out there that are a lot more negligent, than MJ. His behavior was strange, but I don’t think he would have expose the kids to anything like drugs or put them in harms way. Give credit where credit is due.
Ah-oh….A Amedee…don’t start typing as poorly as I do ;]
It was reported the last time that they searched his home, where all of the drugs were found. I really wish that his bad behaviors were isolated and only pertained to himself…but that was not the case. It is on record that drugs were found in a cardboard box sitting near the bathtub and various other places.
Like I said, it is too bad that he was out of control with the drugs. But, that is what a drug addict is A Amedee…not in control of the substance.
I give him credit for being a musical genius and a great entertainer, among the best ever.
A great father…no.
So what about all the single parents who get pregnant deliberately, adopt children or use donor sperm to create a child who will not have two parents? What about the druggies & AIDs parent who have kids without a blink. Since we are discussing fertility rights: what about women/couples who cannot conceive naturally have to jump hoops to have children (testing for STDs, AIDs, psych evals) and insurance won’t pay for this system failure, but they sure as Hades pay for male impotence?
I’m not condoning anything the man did, but this particular attack in unfounded. And you are really hung up on it.
Americans may be giving but many are also vicious. ANd I don’t just mean the media. They will attack anyone who gets limelight. I find it very strange how involved ppl get with stars whether they be in politics or entertainment. The media’s involvement (spawned by the public’s need to know) gets so personal & intrusive that "stars" rarely are able to lead a normal life. Then the public feels as if they "know" these ppl & talk about them as if they are personal acquaintances. Very odd.
And yes, the fact you did not know him is relevant. The judicial system tends to gather facts, interview witnesses under oath, delve into potential falsehoods & then make a determination based on that. You, my friend, have not done either of these. It’s all 1000th hand hearsay (definitely reasonable doubt") . FOr every "fact" you claim, there is someone out there claiming another side to the story. As for the molestation case: if the state found there to be enough evidence to convict him then they would’ve gone forward with it. There is no "settling" Only in civil cases is there a settlement. I am not saying I was a fan of this man just that unfair judgement is passed on him relentlessly & still continues to be. I did enjoy his music back in the day, nothing more.
I can’t believe that I have to state the obvious here.. Celebrities are public property.
That is not a news flash…they should stay out of the business if they do not recognize the drawbacks. He courted the "relentless judgement" by his more than bizarre antics…it also fueled his notoriety and made him MILLIONS. So he used that same public interest to make his fortune.
There are plenty of musicans and enteretainers that manage to stay out of court battles of sexual child abuse, and not have the problems that MJ did. There are plenty, and I will not take the time to list them here.
The fact that I did not know him, is not relevant. Time will show what speculation is now discussing. Common sense is something that I do not need a jury to present to me.
I think that anyone that wants to have children should have a responsible mate of the opposite sex, if possible, to give the children the best advantage of having role models and having someone to continue their upbringing if one mate dies. That isn’t always possible, but that should be the goal.
I have no respect for those like MJ that put children in such a difficult situation, just to satisfy their own selfish needs. And no…I do not believe that insurance should pay for infertility treatments.
Ya know…somthing is glaringly obvious here…There are so many "reports" and articles on how many people knew about MJ’s drug problem…so many saying "Why didn’t they help him?"..his family, his friends, those that worked for him.
After reading so many posts on the subject…the reason is crystal clear…DENIAL. The public, can not accept the truth about him…they are in BIG time denial…yet many blame others for not helping him…
Denial….it is not a river in Egypt…nor does it only affect those that knew him personally.
There wasn’t anyone to hold up a mirror…for "The man in the mirror".
Well Elizabeth…it would make him just the same as any single woman that bought an egg and sperm then paid for a surrogate to carry the baby until term, and had no intention of having a natural or step father in the babies life.
I find it selfish, and hurtful situation to the children…
I do not see that by keeping them away from the limelight, proves he was a good father. He stayed away from the limelight and by extention, would not want them to be.
His drug use and refusal to get help for that problem speaks voulumes about his real concerns…it was Michael first, children second. He was their ONLY parent…his duty was to their welfare, not his whims.