The Liz Smith Column | 07/08/2009 11:00 pm

Liz Smith: Michael Jackson as Dad – Surprisingly Normal?

Also from Our Gossip Girl, the stars came out for Griffin Dunne’s wedding

Michael Jackson's children © Getty Images

"Oh, honey, people believe what they want to believe," said Ava Gardner, questioned on her flamboyant public image.

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Only hours after Michael Jackson’s impressive memorial service at L.A.’s Staples Center, I had a long chat with somebody who knew Michael, "not an intimate ‘best friend,’" my source advised, but someone who saw Michael parenting his children over a number of years. I think these observations bear repeating:

"You, know, whenever I read anything about Michael Jackson, or saw him on TV or in interviews, I always thought, ‘Oh, how weird!’ But whenever I met him with his children, I’d think, ‘Oh, how normal!’ Eventually, I purposely avoided reading or watching anything about him. I preferred to relate to him as a parent."

And what kind of parent was Michael Jackson?

"I have to say, and I know it’s hard to believe, but a very good one. He was gentle with them, but stern when he needed to be. Once, he and the kids were over and one of them was being a little unruly, like a normal youngster. Well, something got broken. It was nothing valuable and I said just forget it and of course like any child, this one was happy to be let off the hook.

"But Michael wouldn’t have it. He said, ‘No. You broke something. You have to have respect for people’s things. I want you to apologize properly.’ And so the child did, and that was the end of it, but I was impressed. He wanted his children to have normal values. Of course, they had a lot, materially, but he seemed to instill in them that they were special because they had so much and shouldn’t take it for granted.

"Whatever issues Michael had elsewhere in his life, it seemed to me he was trying to do double duty in giving his children love, but not indulge them, or encourage outrageous behavior. I must say, there wasn’t one ‘weird’ characteristic in Michael Jackson when it came to his parenting. After I got to know him, the rest of it fell away. I’m not saying he didn’t have issues, but they were absent with the children, and honestly, I came not even to think of him as ‘that’ Michael Jackson."

I asked my source, who had become somewhat emotional in remembering Michael, how he thought the children would fare now, with their only parent gone. There was a long pause.

"In all the time I knew Michael, I never heard him criticize one member of his family. On the other hand, I never heard him praise any of them or mention even one of them. My impression of the Jackson family is one of dysfunction and jealousy and guilt, qualities that were not a part of Michael’s parenting and the world he created for his kids. While Michael was alive, his children knew only love. I’m a little concerned at what they’ll have to contend with now, because they are really quite alone."

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Aside from Michael Jackson’s departure and then "the departure" of Sarah Palin from public political life, to go fishing – these are already the dog days and nothing much is going on.

For instance, over the 4th, where was the glamorous Nicole Kidman? Why, she was at a wedding in Rhinebeck, NY, with her husband, Keith Urban, and they were holding their gorgeous baby girl, one-year-old Sunday Rose, in their arms.

The wedding joined the director Griffin Dunne to his devoted Australian film and magazine stylist, Anna Bingemann. There were 80 guests, many from Down Under, and the most literary and celebrated of these was the groom’s famous father, writer Dominick Dunne of Vanity Fair.

100 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

I don’t think I’ve seen the pictures you mentioned (of the little girl with cornrowed hair). But something looks a bit "off" about some of the pictures I have seen. Can’t quite put my finger on what it is. The elder son just doesn’t look natural in the those older pictures, especially given what he looks like now.

By Deena B. on 07/10/2009 7:47 am

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After seeing the few videos available showing Michael interacting with his children, and then seeing his daughter speak so lovingly about him, I knew he must have been a loving parent. I truly hope his children are lucky enough to spend the rest of their childhoods with people who really care about their well-being. Even if his mother does not live to see them grow up, if Michael entrusted them to her care, she is probably the right person for now.

By Grace K on 07/10/2009 12:10 am

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What I find most interesting is that if MJ & his children had disappeared off the face of the earth (essentially they had) no one would have even noticed. Then he dies & all this speculation, love & hate surfaces. Too bad we can’t just let them be. I hope he & his children find peace.

By Lym BO on 07/10/2009 12:42 am

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They are beautiful children and I pray that now with a little exposure to life rather than secluded and on airplanes will give them a fair chance at being normal. I believe he loved those kids and they loved him back for no other reason. When your that rich & weird it’s hard to know who your friends are. A little disfunction in the Jackson family with all the cousins may not be a bad thing because the kids will get to see that there are ups & downs in life. As long as the Father Joe is out of the picture I think they have a chance. The natural Mother is the one they need to be kept from she strikes me as only a oportunist. I think she is full of S###.

By Barbara B on 07/10/2009 9:05 am

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Kelly & Deber B, did you ever take into consideration that the childrens’ mother did not want to be involved in their lives? What she wanted she got-money- & then signed off. My concern is those kids being in the enviroment they are now with MJ’s father being around. I know that his father & mother are separated, but come on you know as well as I do he will definitely be around especially with all the fortune that Michael left. Even his outfit at the funeral was inappropriate, the suit was fine BUT he had to have on that gold chain that look completely out of place, but lets show off a little because the media was certainly going to be there.

Angie H.

By Angie Hinds on 07/10/2009 11:28 am

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Right on! She was simply a surrogate of sorts whom he contracted with to have kids. He tried to charade it by pretending the marriage & that I find odd. Sadly, he could not stand up & state the truth. I think he would have had more credibility had he said I am a homo or a eunuch or chosen to be celibate or whatever. Media would’ve been less apt to critique him had he used a surrogate for all three.

By Lym BO on 07/10/2009 3:47 pm

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Or just outright adopted them if he is not the bio father.

By Lym BO on 07/10/2009 3:47 pm

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After seeing Michael Jackson’s children at the Memorial Service, I believe that he loved them, and they, indeed loved him.

By Patricia Sprofera on 07/10/2009 5:09 pm

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Wild, just wild! What a spectacle. It’s embarrassing, man. I feel so terribly sorry for those children. And please, did anyone notice a tear coming from the 11 year old when she was sobbing into the mic? I sure didn’t, and I’ve looked - over AND over again. The child was coached. Does anyone know an 11 year old that would stand up before the world and do something like that? I’m not saying they didn’t ‘love’ MJ, but if my father had died when I was 11 I’d have been hysterical. Heck, I remember crying like a 2 year old - maybe I was 10 - when I was taken to my friend’s grandmother’s funeral, and I didn’t even know the grandmother. Anyway, the kids don’t stand a chance at sanity or normalcy - whoever raises them - the damage is done already done. When our rock icons died of their excesses - we just accepted it, and expected it. Come one - this death was no surprise.

By Robin P on 07/10/2009 5:21 pm

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I looked several times, too, Robin and I could not find a tear either. There is a rumour that someone behind the scenes noticed Paris saying she did NOT want to say anything, but was persuaded to.

It looks like the Jacksons were trying to show how beloved Paris is as they comforted her, and how much she loved her Daddy. As other people on this thread have commented, all children (up to a certain age) love their parents, even if they are abused. I know this is true from my own observations and comments from people who are foster carers. There was one little girl whose parents did not feed her properly - sometimes all she had was dry Corn Flakes all week - and so she was taken into care, for that and other reasons. That little girl could not wait to go home to be with her family again.

I am not saying that MJ was anything but a loving father and it seems that his children are all very well behaved and pleasant. As other people have mentioned however, he must have felt very possessive about them, and insecure enough to be scared (possibly) that their affections could be given to their mother as well. I do not think all Debbie thought was "money" with regard to her children. What she got was a divorce settlement. She was not a surrogate, as surrogates do not get parental rights and visits.

MJ scuppered the visits - the agreement was initially 8 hours every 45 days - by taking the children on tour or on holidays when visits were due, cancelling any visits if the children were "ill". Debbie Rowe had to make any visiting arrangements through one of MJ’s lawyers, she could not have any make up time for missed visits and when they did occur they were in a room full of MJ’s minders watching every move. Would any parent in such a situation find it humiliating?

By Merrie M on 07/10/2009 5:49 pm

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How interesting, Merrie. Glad I had company looking for tear stains, too. I actually hope that a well respected L.A. law firm steps up for Debbie and takes on the Jackson clan. Of course, that will be difficult because any law firm that takes her case will have to put up with Al Sharpton, and the crap that he spews.

I’m so done with news - Lets face it, it’s either Hollywood or the economy. I need to get out more often and find a hobby. :)

By Robin P on 07/10/2009 6:13 pm

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Reading the article by Liz Smith is so uplifting but after reading comments especially written by "Kelly in Texas", it appears that Kelly is part of the team from Los Angeles County Coroner-Examiner, and maybe she is also a member of the Los Angeles Police Department. Kelly even listed all the drugs found. I wonder how accurate her statements were. But unless you can prove that you are part of the investigating team that were present at MJ’s residence after his remains were removed then, you have absolutely no right to be too heartless in your judgment. We are all spectators. We really do not know Michael Jackson personally. If all the household members living with Michael are all silent then how could Kelly from Texas so vocal and so certain with her declarations??? Throwing mud at a deceased person who can not defend himself is not only immoral and uncalled for but a sign of cowardice. If it’s true that you are in Texas, are you in the Holmby mansion where Michael lived and died on June 25?

A little girl named Paris Katherine Jackson, while weeping the loss of her beloved Dad, affirmed on national TV that he is the "BEST DADDY." THIS TESTIMONY FROM A GRIEVING KID WAS UNREHEARSED AND WAS HEARD AROUND THE GLOBE.

Those who are sinless, pure, and live a perfect life should cast the first stone.

By Lovely Soul on 07/13/2009 2:03 am

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I appreciate the positive story on Michael, Liz, thank you.

Regardless of how he came by these children, if he raised them right, what difference does it make? Lord knows we could use more functional human beings in society, there are so many emotionally immature people on the planet raising children the same way they were raised. It’s sad and scary.

By Trina O on 07/15/2009 5:28 am