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The Liz Smith Column | 09/04/2009 12:15 am

Liz Smith: Sarah Palin's Ex-Almost-Son-in-Law From Hell

Also from Our Gossip Girl: Everybody ‘Precious’ in the Hamptons … And can there be ‘Prime Suspect’ with prime Helen Mirren?
Levi and Bristol © AP

"I will not enter into a public feud with Madame Callas, since I am aware she has a far greater competence at that sort of thing than I have," said opera’s Rudolf Bing of the combative diva many years ago.

Levi Johnston – are you listening?

***

Don’t kill me here on this eve of the Labor Day weekend, but I am actually beginning to feel a bit sorry for Sarah Palin. At least in the matter of her estranged, almost-son-in-law Levi Johnston. This kid just can’t keep his mouth shut. He is now bent on his future career in public and considering taking his pants off for Playgirl.

As you probably know, Levi has given a big interview to Vanity Fair, in which he says – among other things – that the ex-governor of Alaska wanted to keep her daughter Bristol’s pregnancy a secret. And, after the baby was born, adopt it as her own.

This tale, of course, plays negatively for Sarah Palin’s public image, her immediate legend, if you will. All of which is a mix of fact and fiction, propagated by her, her champions and her enemies. She is pal-ing around with the bitch goddess, Fame.

But people will believe what they want to believe. Like a big movie star, Sarah now inhabits a world both cosseted and brutally exposed, removed from reality in many basic ways. She is a creature of her handlers and of us – we who compulsively still look in on her.

That said, Sarah wouldn’t have been the first mother in history to hope to protect a teenage daughter. This happens in lots of towns, big and little. And rumor goes that it has happened a few times in Hollywood, to famous stars and offspring. I just don’t see the wish to protect a teenage child as terribly evil or Machiavellian. Sarah Palin could play her well-worn "Good Mom" card and even I would buy it. It’s very "Peyton Place.

***

Levi keeps talking about how he loves his child and all that, but he is on the fast track to not seeing the kid at all if he continues as of now. He complains he doesn’t see enough of his baby boy. (Pose for Playgirl, you guy, and find out how much more daddy-time you get.)

Honestly, we can’t thank Sen. John McCain enough for introducing us to this snow-bound, low-rent version of "God’s Little Acre." It’s been fun.

That said, Levi Johnston looked totally out of his element out on the town with comic Kathy Griffin a few weeks ago. Then he was interviewed by Larry King and it turned into an hour of Larry’s trying to get blood from a stone.

This boy is attractive in a soon-to-be-doughy way and he has a sweet manner, but I don’t think Bristol tossed away endless nights of effervescent conversation when she broke up with him.

Now, her mother is nobody to mess with. There is a Medusa behind those Foster Grants; an atmosphere of Faye Dunaway barking in "Mommie Dearest" – "Don’t fuck with me, fellas. This ain’t my first time at the rodeo!"

218 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Woody McBreairty
I think rather it is the other way around - Sarah Palin must surely be the Ex-Almost-Mother-In-Law-From Hell.  This woman needs to know she is not in contol of everyone around her and that they must live & abide by her religious fanatacism.  She is clearly cunning, egotistical, ruthless and determined to have things her way…I think she is a very dangerous person to be in pollitics & forming public policies. Anyone who thinks God is talking to them and directing their lives is a lunatic. God gave everyone a brain & free will…most people anyway.  More power to Levi…tell it like it is, kid!
By Woody McBreairty on 09/04/2009 12:38 am
Rita@ Goldivas
I think Sarah and Levy deserve each other, Woody.
By Rita@ Goldivas on 09/05/2009 9:18 am
Dee L
If Levi were my daughter’s baby-daddy, he’d damn well better watch his step. And I don’t even like Palin. Or maybe I do.
By Dee L on 09/05/2009 1:04 pm
Carol Harrison
"More power to Levi…tell it like it is, kid!….I’ll ‘drink’ to that! 
By Carol Harrison on 09/06/2009 2:02 pm
macwoof woof
so was sarah protecting her daughter or herself?  another train wreck. todd, sarah, bristol.. who cares anymore ?  let us leave them all in peace. and quiet. let them go quietly away…please.
By macwoof woof on 09/04/2009 12:46 am
Laura Ward
Sarah probably wanted wanted to adopt her grandchild because as governor of Alaska, let alone, as VP of of the US, it would not be secret that it was her child. Besides, the difference in age alone would reveal that the boys are uncle and nephew. Levi is lying that Sarah meant she would be adopting the baby as if it was anything but her grandson to be raised as her son. What a low life!
By Laura Ward on 09/04/2009 1:00 am
C jay

Lying is lying, and for any adult to entertain a teen in such a confidence was nothing short of stupidity. He’s still young, and if she is smart, she’ll ignore him. My bet - Levi and Ms Teen Palin will marry. Give them time. They’ve both been used, and abused, and he is mad, and has a right to be, but doesn’t know how to "let go" of his anger, yet. That, too, is developmental.

Let’s let these sleeping puppies lie, please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By C jay on 09/05/2009 5:28 pm
Bonnie O
And I thought we had a few rattlehead boys in our family.  There, but for the grace of God.  His kind are generally found at the bottom of a swamp being a descendant of The Creature from the Black Lagoon.  If Levi had been or was about to be a member of our family, he would soon become acquainted with the wisdom of knowing when to keep his mouth shut …. either temporarily or permanently.  He is being used by the anti-Palin media …. and doesn’t even know it nor probably would he care.  Imagine …. an interview in Vanity Fair?  Good grief.
By Bonnie O on 09/04/2009 2:45 am
Mimi Jones
Vanity Fair has certainly sunk to the pond scum level. Why waste trees to even print his garbage? Not very "environmental".
By Mimi Jones on 09/04/2009 9:33 am
Carol Harrison

Vanity Fair….they have the right to interview whomever they want and they approached Levi, he agreed, he got paid…..so be it.

Vanity Fair, that’s paper remember and where I come from….it IS recyclable!

By Carol Harrison on 09/06/2009 2:05 pm
Dona Howlett

Lets all remember who brought forth this man/child.

She threw him on the National Stage like he had some importance in her scheme of things.

He’s an uneducated boy from a small town with a troubled life at home.

He’s been out there in the Big Lights..(thanks to Sara)………why shouldn’t he take advantage of his opportunity.

Instead of being thrown to the Wolves…………he’s surviving and going to make money and probably a good living out of his notoriety.

Again…………Thanks to Sara.

I don’t feel sorry for any of them.

By Dona Howlett on 09/04/2009 4:22 am
Jeannot Kensinger
Dona, that is exactly how I feel !
By Jeannot Kensinger on 09/04/2009 8:16 am
Elizabeth Newman
Dona, I agree with you…I don’t really feel sorry for any of them, least of all Sarah Palin. Levi Johnston reminds me of countless dim-witted guys small town boys I grew up with-nice kids, but without much going on upstairs. They grew up to be men who worked low paying jobs most of their life, got married (sometimes more than once) to nice, slightly dim women who had a couple of cute kids, and they live out their life. I don’t blame him for taking advantage of the spotlight-hell in his position I would too. And why would posing in Playgirl give the Palin’s grounds to keep him away from his son? Just another example of the double standard at work.
By Elizabeth Newman on 09/04/2009 8:29 am
S G
Dona EXACTLY!
By S G on 09/04/2009 9:20 am
DeBúrca obj
Spot on Dona. Sarah dragged that boy on stage in order to make a show of what a happy family they all were and how her daughter was going to marry him, in order to pander for the vote of the base. Colin Powell once brought up the "Pottery Barn Rule" when it came to Iraq and it fits here… you break it you own it. Sarah put him on the national stage, he’s her’s now.
By DeBúrca obj on 09/04/2009 11:16 am