"Gossip, in its popular and journalistic forms, is the subversive revenge of the resentful over the resented, resulting in the apparently endlessly satisfying proof that celebrities, the wealthy and the titled have lives replete with scandal, misfortune and misery."

So writes Britain’s John Lloyd, about the world’s second-oldest profession.   

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And so, here we go again! Lindsay Lohan! She was back in the news because of an alleged probation violation stemming from her two-year-old DUI. A warrant was issued for her arrest, but that was quickly quashed. Was the warrant extreme? You bet. But this is L.A., kids, and the police are bigger drama queens than the stars.

Lindsay Lohan © AP

And, much as Joan Crawford would speak “confidentially” to Hedda or Louella, Lindsay, upon learning of her offense — and the wildfire Internet blogging about it — immediately text messaged Web emperor Perez Hilton. She complained plaintively that this would “ruin every deal I have now.” It didn’t, we hope. I want this very talented young woman to have her second chance — she’s been through a lot. (Have you seen her parents — Dina and Michael Lohan? Lindsay’s survival is a miracle.)

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Jennifer Aniston: Broken up yet again from singer/player John Mayer. Or not. Who knows? (Don’t say, “Who cares?” because millions do — remember the above-mentioned misery factor.) The current Entertainment Weekly magazine duly notes the couple’s first-year anniversary with cautious optimism. I guess that caution was well founded.

I think Aniston is such an appealing person and actor. (And she is on the career upswing with “Marley & Me” and “He’s Just Not That Into You.”)

Jennifer Aniston © Getty Images

My one chat with her was a phoner — she was promoting one of the Weinstein Company’s first ventures, the dire and aptly titled “Derailed.” I had been so strenuously warned  NOT to ask anything personal, that I was a nervous wreck when the call came through. What kind of a difficult bitch was she? Surprise! She was lovely, relaxed, witty and easy. And I might have gotten much more from her had her PR person not interrupted the call after the allotted 15 minutes!

I like this recent quote from the star, on the subject of perfect partners: “I don’t have one, and I don’t think it exists. Whoever said that every relationship lasts forever? That’s hoping too much … I think every relationship is a world unto itself.” Jennifer is only 40 (25, in 2009 years) so she has plenty of time to find a “world” that lasts.

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Anna Nicole Smith: The dead pinup is back in the news with the arrest of her “manager” Howard K. Stern and several of her doctors in the matter of offering, supplying and overprescribing drugs. 

I rarely condescend to pity over any celebrity, but Anna Nicole was a special case. She was truly not equipped for “stardom,” or for any normal life, in fact. She was obvious in every way, calculating in every way, clueless in every way. (The scene I witnessed at a Vanity Fair Oscar party — Anna attempting to accost Michael J. Fox, among other antics — was fantastic, grotesque and tragic in capital letters!) Had she not met and married J. Howard Marshall, the initial source of her cash and carry, and encountered the beneficence of Hugh Hefner, who extended her 15 minutes within the pages of Playboy, Anna Nicole was the kind of girl who would have ended up in prison.

Anna Nicole Smith © AP

I always have a twinge of regret, thinking on Anna. I knew her first PR rep pretty well, back in the day, and as she spiraled out of control I would hear from him, as he tried to spin the story. And I would say, “If she were on her own, it would be sad enough. But she has a child. How do you think that boy is going to turn out?” The rep would say, “Oh, she really loves Danny.” That is not the point, I’d counter. “She is clearly unfit.”