“What are the best things and the worst things in your life and when are you going to get around to whispering them or shouting them?” asked the sci-fi fiction writer Ray Bradbury.

***

I’m not a member of the MTV generation, for sure, but a thousand boos and hisses to the MTV honchos who decided what fun it would be to torment rapper Eminem – or to stage a gross prank. Marshall Mathers (Em’s real name) was invited to perform his comeback hit at the MTV Movie Awards and he did. His reward? Sacha Baron Cohen’s bare backside in his face. Cohen, in character as the gay “Bruno,” dropped from the ceiling wearing wings and jockstrap. This was no accident. (Eminem, aka Slim Shady, has been rumored to have occasional not-friendly-with-the-gays moments. This kind of incident – if it were the real turtle soup instead of the jock – won’t have him stumping to overturn Prop 8.)

I am no fan of Em. For one thing, I don’t get rap (and yes, I watched his MTV performance … I just don’t get rap!) But honestly, this is what you do to an invited guest, a star – you offer him public humiliation? That’s pretty low. 

If it were a prank, come out and say it – it was still pretty low.

Then again, so was the relentlessly profane show. There was even a WTF Award. (What the F**K). Amy Poehler of “SNL” won and her acceptance speech was laced with cursing and a comment on how “good” the crotch of host Andy Samberg was looking. She didn’t say crotch. WTF indeed. (This was a relentlessly below-the-belt event – Oscar winner Forest Whitaker sang a song about a penis.)

Actually, the most interesting thing was watching the stars of “Twilight” accept award after award. Both Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart looked as if they have taken their screen vampire roles to real life – pale, listless, drained, obviously looking for a fresh kill. Only Taylor Lautner, who is the new “Twilight” hottie in the sequel, showed any real enthusiasm. I think the astonishing success of “Twilight” and the pressure of stardom have rattled Pattison and Stewart. Six months ago, nobody knew their names. Today, there’s no privacy, no corner of the earth where they can escape. And if you don’t think that’s a high price to pay for fame, think again when you go out to the corner deli today and come back unmolested. The new celebrity is to be part of the Un-Dead!

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The Brits came out last week to praise American actress Jane Randolph, who had died at age 93 and had been the star of many ’40s classics portraying vulnerable women. 

This obit pronounced her the hit of the atmospheric horror movie “Cat People” in 1942 and then its sequel, “The Curse of the Cat People.” I remembered seeing these black-and-white films because “Cat People” is a true classic, chosen by the Library of Congress to be preserved in the U.S. National Registry. This meant the powers that be consider it “culturally, historically or aesthetically significant.” I agreed because it was/is one of the most frightening movies ever made. Its mere suggestibility of a killer cat in the darkness makes obvious sadistic things like “The Texas Chainsaw Massacres” look bloated and absurd.


Image: Wikipedia

The problem with all this tribute to Jane Randolph, one of the last of the Warner Bros. wartime stable of actresses that included Olivia de Havilland, Jane Bryan and Ann Sheridan, is that from reading her death notice, I still can’t identify or call her up to my mind’s eye. Why? Because they used a photograph of the elusive French actress Simone Simon, replete with claws, to illustrate the obit. “Cat People” marked an auspicious debut in films by the French actress. In the movie, the American Miss Randolph is terrorized during a nighttime swim by an ominous, feline creature (Simon) whose supernatural presence is suggested rather than actually seen on screen. The Daily Telegraph notes, “Critics hailed it as one of the most suspenseful scenes ever filmed. Fans including Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks later wrote congratulating Randolph on her performance.”

So, fond memories of Simone Simon, but I still can’t think what the late Jane Randolph looks like.