Fearless.  Many who view my life from the outside would probably claim I was fearless.  I was the 4th of 5 children growing up in a world of constant change.  My parents moved all the time, whether it was for a better opportunity, the desire for adventure or just plain running, I will never know.  We were always the "new" kids in school, when I was younger it was a scary experience for me.  As I became a teenager I had to walk where I needed to go, regardless of the distance.  Strange men would pull up beside me and offer me rides, while touching themselves inappropriately.  My brother and I have had to defend our penny gum from thugs who think that 12 and 14 year olds have some money to steal from.  I spent my teenage years in constant fear.  I graduated from high school at the ripe old age of 17, refused to live in fear anymore and took a big leap..I joined the Army, best thing I did for myself.  When my marriage went to crap and I was left with 3 young daughters I was not fearful of what I would do.  I picked myself, took stock of me and went out and made a living.  Maybe I should have been a little fearful of entering into another marriage that might fail, but I didn’t and it did fail, would I change it, no.  No regrets, No fear! And on to the next husband!!!!

I, like Margo, was born fearless. My mother, shocked, used to look at the things I did and say, "Where did she get this from?"  As a child I always played with boys, not because I was a tomboy, but because I considered them more interesting. Perhaps that’s where I got my fearless attitude.

From the first day I started working I always held down male-oriented positions. I always told employers that I couldn’t type. (I could)  This was in the 40’s and 50’s. I divorced my first husband at a time when it was not socially acceptable for nice middle class girls. I paid for the divorce, paid him off and never got a penny in child support. My second husband died after a few years leaving me with $20, an overdrawn checking account, debts I didn’t know he had incurred and a stepchild to rear along with my own two.

I’m proud to say that I brought up 3 wonderful human beings, good fathers, good husband and successful in their careers. I had my own business which enabled me to help many other people acheive their goals. I broke down many barriers in employment for women and minorities, and received a government citation for this.

My theory has always been "If someone else can do it I can do it too, and if I can do it once I can do it again."  I haven’t always succeeded in everything I attempted but I was smart enough to learn from my failures. I’m now an old retired lady but try to coach and encourage my grandchildren to be fearless.  Remember, if I can do it you can do it too!

With all due respect, I have never understood women who need to be married, and even after divorces, plural, continue getting married.  I have had several long-term relationships in my life, including the one I am in right now, and he and I are in it because we want to be together.  In the past I had few relationships that did not work out, and we both walked away, no lawyers, no angst.

I have a friend who was in an abusive marriage for 20 years.  She told me about it after she divorced, moved back North and refound me.  We hadn’t been in contact with each other since school.  She told me she was living with her father.  Within months, to my surprise, she told me she had remarried.  She refuses to work outside her home, and complains bitterly that she does not have the funds to leave husband #2.  She wants to know what I do right to keep a man I genuinely like in my life.  Well, I genuinely liked him first, then gradually, genuinely loved him.  I don’t see the mystery.  I have never been dependent on any person, and I think that is a relief to any man.  We help each other out, when the other needs help.  The man I am with right now is a keeper, but to suggest marriage would be redundant.

I hope this does not offend any other women, but it is how I feel about marriage. 

Margo, I have a story tip I would like to see you cover - I did get the post for the Domestic Violence you did and I think I even did a post on it but I have another Domestic Violence situation I wanted to see if you could do something on.  It is about Intimate Partner Rape, I have seen the posts above and I wanted to see if you have done anything on this subject. 

My name is Twyla Bosley,

Topic is News Tips / Story Ideas:   INTIMATE PARTNER RAPE

I am a victim of intimate partner rape and I have read a book about this very subject and it has come to my attention that this is a rampant crime against woman that is never addressed for the public or your viewers.  I want to press charges but since I never had a rape kit done during the assaults I do not have a voice.  The District Attorney will not pick up charges yet I have found out that He raped and beat his ex-wife and she pressed charges (with evidence) against him but the state never prosecuted him.  His brother in law is a Constable for Precinct 4 and the evidence she did have disappeared from the evidence room where it was supposed to be guarded.  He did the same to his ex-fiancé.  He also did it to me.  I am trying to get counseling.  This is a Crime against Woman and children and it happens every day in most households.  There are victims that don’t even know that this way of life is not the way it is supposed to be.  Some are beaten more, others are sexually assaulted more, and some are raped by knife point, SODIMIZED in the worse way.  Why don’t you cover this issue?  I would be happy to participate.  I need a voice.  Silence is what keeps this crime so rampant.  Silence enables the abuser to keep getting by with it.  I WANT A VOICE TO LET WOMAN KNOW THAT THEY DO NOT HAVE TO BE ABUSED BY THEIR BOYFRIEND, SPOUSE, LIVE-IN COMPANION.  THIS IS AN ISSUE VERY CLOSE TO MY HEART.  There is a book called "Real Rape, Real Pain" written by a wonderful woman who shows an in depth look at the problem, how common it is.  How woman are treated for trying to prosecute this crime.  Women are treated like they deserve no respect for themselves as far as emotions and their bodies.  I need a voice.  Will you be my voice or should I send this to all the news stations?  Something more needs to be done to help us woman who are tortured by the daily life of being with an abusive man who denies the damage they do daily to their significant other.  This needs more publicity so woman can get the help they need for the emotional tolls on their psyche.  Will you help the Silent Woman?  They need a Voice - Will you be that VOICE?

Twyla Bosley

i grew up convinced that not only were other people to be feared, i constantly needed to apologize for the crime of taking up space.

my mother spent the first 4 years of my life in a marriage with an emotionally (to both of us) and physically (to her) abusive alcoholic who hit me once.

i wasn’t a physically abused kid, but i was constantly told by my father that i was too young, too little and too stupid to do just about anything. one of my most vivid, regular memories of him is his making fun of me when i was about 2 and a half and afraid to walk past the TV to go to bed because the national anthem had played and it was all snowy and making that…noise. (this was in the early 80s, when TV still signed off for the night)

it took many years of good therapy and a lot of work for me to get over the pain that came from never really being accepted by my father, even after my mother was remarried to the most amazing man who adopted me as his own.

i am far from fearless, but i do consider myself pretty self-confident, and my self-esteem has improved quite a bit…

oh, and i’m actually enjoying my journey now instead of tolerating it. :)

I really don’t care for the attitude of "starter husband."  Perhaps I’m old fashioned, but I think marriage, husbands and wives and vows are serious and important and meant to last.  It’s sad when we trivialize them with terms like that.  I know all marriages don’t work out but I think we encourage the easy way out by making it sound cute and funny.

I wasn’t born fearless but I found out that if you act fearless, you appear fearless and good things happen for you.

I liked this piece. I always like when Mary pops up on the site. I keep forgetting to get her book but need to! Whenever any of the ladies talk about their childhood or how they got into the business they’re in I’m always amazed at how well connected their familes were and how much it paved the path they were on career wise. I mean…. spending summers with famous directors… having people assume you can be a national columnist because your mom was… that type of thing.

Charles,

It’s our perception. My father, who is now almost 74, said to me not long ago that he felt he made a mistake of moving around all the time.  I looked my dad in the eye and told him that I would not trade those years of my life for anything in the world.  If he had said it to me 10 years ago I might have agreed, but now I look at my childhood and I think "what an adventure".  I would not be the strong woman I am now if my father had not followed his dream.

Unfortunately, as humans, most of us are wired in such a way that the negative makes a much bigger impact than the positive does—until we make the conscious effort to change that. i believe that that’s why i can remember things from when i was 2 and 3 years old today, at the age of 27. i don’t dwell on them anymore because, frankly, that’s no way to live, but the fact that i can even remember them is very telling.

being able to concentrate on the positive memories is a gift that, for most people, comes along later on.

and, Jane: i was an Army kid. we moved every two years like clockwork until i reached 7th grade, when my dad had my mom, my brother and i stay in one place while he kept relocating until he retired.

i believe that our constant moving and my having to make new friends every two years made my journey to self-esteem easier rather than harder because moving around like that TOTALLY makes you a stronger person! :)