James,

First grade…ahhh… must be the year for swiping things from others. My older son had a collectors’ Mickey Mouse watch (given to him by his grandmother) which he wore to school. I don’t remember whether we "let" him wear it or he sneaked it to school. Nevertheless, one of his "friends" took that watch and it was never seen again. We tried to get it back, but the circumstances were that the teacher never saw it happen and as it turned out the student who "took" it was the son of one of the school board members. I remember this incident 25 years later and wonder what else this student "got away with".

Much like yourself, James, I’d lend only to my sister….but having lived oceans away from each other for more than forty years it’s moot…lol.  And we were raised being taught "Neither a borrower nor a lender be for loan oft loses both itself and friend…"  In early adulthood I put that aside and did lend for a time but quickly realised that lending in the military community is costly despite best intentions of the borrower.  They get transferred…and whatever was loaned goes with them!  The fastest lesson learned was never lending my books…even if they were returned the spine would be bent and creased, pages dog-eared and it drove me doo-lally.  But I do believe in sharing so with the books…if it’s one I know a friend would like or someone I know could benefit from…I just buy an extra copy to give.  Now that I’m considerably older (ahem! lol) when we know of someone (particularly a young person just starting out) who needs or could use something we don’t use often…like a guest bed, a window a/c, fan etc. we give it without expectation or return.  Truth be told, it’s often just "no expectation" but hope they don’t want to return it!  (In that event, we suggest passing it on to someone else who needs).  Money we don’t lend…have done and that’s usually a bad scene when it’s a loan.  Many years ago, following a sudden and tragic event, my then husband (in the military) and others of his shipmates found themselves without their ship (true!) and having been given a month’s leave needed to get home.  Pay records had been lost along with personal items and the younger guys…like him…didn’t have the money to do so, so needed to apply for what’s known as a "dead horse"…a loan.  A buddy in the same situation refused to borrow on such terms from the navy but came up fifty dollars short for his air fare.  My husband ‘loaned’ him fifty on the promise it would be mailed to him once the buddy arrived home.  Never happened…lesson learned.  But, again…we will give to anyone in real need.  I think the key is to have no expectations whatsoever.  Like you, we are not at all well-to-do but can certainly give a helping hand where a need is seen.  A few years ago my (now) partner was working at a police station when a young man was brought in.  He’d done nothing wrong, had no record but had been working in a nearby beach town.  Something happened at his home and he was trying to get back there with no money…he had no transportation, was walking when the police picked him up and once they determined he was "clean", tried to find him a place to stay overnight.  It was pouring rain…we have no homeless or any other sort of shelter around here and despite calling several of the local churches, no place was found for him.  He was able to leave and he did…walking.  We live in Delaware, he was heading for New Jersey.  It wasn’t long after my partner had ended her shift, was driving home and about to pass this young man on the shoulder of the highway.  She picked him up, took him a nearby motel and paid for the night;  gave him thirty dollars so he could catch the Ferry to Cape May next morning and get something to eat. When she called me, originally, and began with "Umm…there’s this young guy…" that’s about as far as she got when I said "Do it…whatever it is…"  Again, if one is moved to help someone, don’t have expectations…give, don’t lend.  At best and as most people will ask how they may repay one, we only ask that they don’t forget someone helped them and if/when they can help another…do it.    

James - I liked your reference to The Who.  Like you, I have only lent to my immediate family members - my brother, Peter.  I give freely of my time, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on and donate to several wonderful causes, St. Jude’s is among them.  By the way, I wasn’t surprised to see that you were Poster #1 on this thread.  It was great talking with you yesterday.  Patty

Deniseann, that is very touching. May God bless you.

Deniseann - Thank you for sharing your story on wOw.  All the best to you and to your children.