Marlo Thomas | 08/27/2009 11:00 pm

Marlo Thomas: The Physical Pain of Loss

In response to: What's the most physically grueling/challenging thing you've ever done?

This may sound odd, but, the single most physically grueling experience for me was the death of my father. No one ever told me that grief is a physical thing. I felt like I had been hit with a plank.

Read more about: Challenge, Culture, Danny Thomas, Death, Grief, Lifestyle, Physical

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I have always loved Marlo Thomas, I grew up wanting to be just like her and the fact she was really someone I admired as a teen and young woman, to then have her dad Danny Thomas die on the very same day as my dad died. Just two years apart. Every year at the anniversary of our Fathers death, I feel her pain. I feel that we are sharing the same experience and that we both are missing our dads and feeling the same loss over and over year after year. It is sort of a connection to someone I admire. She is so right about how it is the hardest thing ever to lose your father. She has always been and will forever by my hero. Once when she came to town, I called the hotel she was at to talk to her. Her friend Suzanne answered and talked to me for a few minutes and I felt so honored like I had talked to someone that had talked direct to Marlo and knew her. I thought she was beautiful and so talented and I just loved seeing her and Phil fall in love on his show. It was truly remarkable they were in love and you could just see it fast. I love Marlo no matter how old she may grow, she is always "That Girl" to me. Susan Bragg

By Susan Bragg on 08/28/2009 1:59 am

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Death of a loved one is both physically and mentally gruelling. I have lost my father, mother, younger sister and a number of dear friends. The death of my mother was the most traumatic of all.

But in terms of the most physically grueling, I would have to say my battle with breast cancer five years ago and subsequent lumphectomy, chemotherapy and radiation therapy, with chemotherapy being the most challenging in terms of the will to continue on without throwing in the towel. I am cancer free today and feel very blessed and fortunate.

By sandra skolnik on 08/28/2009 9:51 am

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Any loss that causes stress on your emotional well being is bound to have some effect on your physical side as well. While it was not a matter of person-loss, when my dad decided not to work for Owens-Illinois any longer because it would mean a great deal of travel and possible relocations, my mom became an insulin dependent diabetic. They did make the decision together and it was in loo of the fact that they had two widowed mothers to consider. All the same, because it meant going from a solid every two week paycheck to comissions selling life insurance, it was a cause of a fair amount of emotional stress. Dad did well for the most part in all of the succeeding years but it came at a cost to both he and my mom.

By Mary Utrup on 08/28/2009 3:53 pm

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That’s so true, Mar. Especially the first major tragedy. I’ll never forget that July 1989 night in our Tampa apartment, when Jude told me she was dying. I got physically ill. I know that experience, and it’s hell.

By James the Game on 08/28/2009 8:52 pm

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I remember reading that when Marlo was grieving the loss of her father that Ted Bessell showed up, and drove her around L.A. for several days while she cried. That must have been most comforting to have a dear friend so attuned to what you’re needing at that time and just put their business of the day on hold for awhile. It is something else to be with someone who will just let you be and not feel like you have to make conversation. He must have been quite a friend and then he passed away a few years later. Her father and Ted were both special people.

By Evelyn McKenney on 08/28/2009 10:07 pm

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That speaks volumes about Ted’s character.

By James the Game on 08/29/2009 7:04 am

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This is a very comforting exchange of information for me, because I routinely experience physical pain following any heavily emotional experience, not just loss. It takes 36 hours of feeling physical dis-comfort after even a particularly moving POSITIVE experience - such as being in the audience at a magnificent theatrical or musical performance or visiting with my grandchildren. Loss, of couse, triggers the worst pain of all. I am comforted that other people, including Marlo Thomas, whom I have always loved (I am old enough to definitely be her mother!)have lived through this debilitating experience, too. I don’t feel so foolish or alone.

By Frederica Winter on 09/01/2009 3:33 pm

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After losing my Dear Daddy in 2004, only to realize my Mommy had Alzheimer’s disease, I was instantly transformed into the role of caregiver for her. It was not until she died in 2007, that I was able to finally grieve for my Daddy. It was a double whammy for me. But after the intense feeling of "being somewhat an orphan" at 50 years of age, I can now celebrate their lives.

I remember volunteering for a fund raiser for St. Jude’s many (many) years ago and being so proud that I raised $56 for the charity. Thank you Marlo Thomas for all of the Wonderful memories of you and your family.

By Annette Bertrand on 09/25/2009 12:17 pm