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Mr. wOw | 11/09/2009 4:30 am

Mr. wOw gives James Cameron's 3-D Movie 'Avatar' an F

Wait till he sees it
By Mr. wOw

"Avatar." It’s been more than ten blessed years since James Cameron inflicted "Titanic" on us. Mr. DiCaprio and Miss Winslet somehow survived the treacle of the script and the icy-hot thrill of instant stardom.

These are two fine, wise actors. Their second co-starring go-around, last year’s "Revolutionary Road," was brilliant and redeeming (though the movie is pre-feminist wrist-slitting angst for its female audience).

Soon we will have Cameron’s "Avatar’ on our hands. It’s a great big sci-fi spectacular starring Sigourney Weaver. The lure is the look of the movie – 3-D High Max, Blu Jay, Blu-Ray, Super High Definition, Let’s See Those Crow’s-feet and CGI.

I love Sigourney, but I don’t relish yet another movie where everything looks too real or not at all. Or somewhere in-between.

Mr. wOw is not a big fan of the super-enhanced images of new films or the excessive DVD "restoration" of old ones.

When Claire Trevor pulls a gun on Dick Powell in "Murder, My Sweet," do I really want to be thinking about the detail on the lampshade behind her? Not only are we seeing things no audience did back in the day, on a big screen, but surely such intense clarity and over-brightening subverts the director’s point of view. Film noir is noir for a reason. Even the charm of "The Wizard of Oz" has been spoiled a bit in the frenzy to heighten and define. Just. Too. Vivid. How many of Judy’s freckles are really necessary? But I digress.

Look, to be honest, I’m not a big James Cameron fan. "Titanic" was a terrible movie and Cameron’s "I’m king of the world!" as he accepted his Oscar never sat right. Sooooo … I’m being absolutely unfair and childish in anticipating I won’t like this movie. But I know I won’t. (I stated here no interest in seeing the Michael Jackson movie. It made over $100 million its first weekend. Filmmakers crave Mr. wOw’s condemnation.)

However, Mr. wOw did enjoy Cameron’s "True Lies," mostly because it showcased Jamie Lee Curtis so well. Now Miss Curtis helps our digestive tract operate correctly, pushing Activa. Honestly? I’d rather see her chased down by Michael Myers again. So depressing.

I’m much more eager to see "2012," which – yes, I know! – is going to be chock-full of CGI and Lord knows what else in terms of newfangled technology. (I’m just off the set of "The Beverly Hillbillies.")

But I love end-of-world movies. Bring on the apocalypse. Part of this morbid fascination is my own displeasure that I will likely end before the world does. It’s not that Mr. wOw feels his life is so special – it’s definitely not. But … how will Israel and Palestine work it out? Will those glaciers melt? Will aliens ever land? And for heaven’s sake, can I really miss out on the adult adventures of Lourdes Ciccone Leon, daughter of Madonna? (Think she’s gonna give mama an easy time?) I’m curious! I’m pissed! I’ve digressed again!

In my irritation over not hanging around for eternity, I’m always reminded of the mournful lyric from the song "Just a Gigolo": "And life goes on, without me." (Best version – Dietrich, at 78, already basically withdrawn from life; it was going on without her.)

This is probably why I love vampire movies, too – living forever, pale and interesting looking, can subsist on rats if squeamish about killing humans. So, if anybody knows of a good apocalypse/vampire flick, let Mr. wOw know.

Mr. wOw has a friend who has just returned from New Orleans. He assures me vampires are the real deal. We live in hope.

34 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

BabySnooks

The sad reality is that film is no longer about film.  It is about entertainment only. And money.  The only "genre" today is money.

How fortunate some of us are to remember the films that were simply about the human experience, so to speak, that inspired us and touched our deepest emotions and our deepest connections with each other. 

By BabySnooks on 11/09/2009 9:09 am
LenaB

Hey Mr. wOw!  Love your column.  You and I will be childish together on this one.  I’m not crazy about Cameron either.  The whole "Avatar" thing was ill-fated on many levels.  First, the name Avatar is associated with a great Nickelodeon cartoon (one of my personal favorites).  Second, the battle over the "Avatar" name in court with N. Night Shyamalan settled Cameron as the victor.  The Cameron movie like you said, doesn’t seem very interesting.  Third, Shyamalan’s movie now called "The Last Airbender" instead of "Avatar, The Last Airbender" is rife with controversy over the absence of Asian actors.  The cartoon takes generous liberties from Asian cultures, but the live action movie doesn’t have one Asian actor. 

So my pre-pubescent thought is that Cameron would have had better success if he had used another name for the movie. 

By LenaB on 11/09/2009 9:49 am
ChromeToe

I have to ask Mr. Wow… i have never understood people who hated Titanic. I get that it wasn’t the BEST movie ever made. But it certainly was one of the most entertaining (as evidenced by it’s almost rabid fan base). I can point to a bzillion movies that were way worse. And frankly True Lies was one of them. The so incredibly over the top special affects. The scene with the car and the helicopter or plane or whatever it was. And let’s face it… it had Schwarznegger in it! The guy is one of the most mysterious how did he EVER have a movie in careers since he can’t act stars on the planet. As opposed to Winslet and Decaprio? Really? And sure Jamie Lee was fairly well showcased in True Lies but certainly not doing anything out of her range or out of the norm for her. A rather walk through it easily performance and script. Do the strip tease to show of "the body" you’re famous for….. she’s had much better scripts for sure. So ya… i just don’t get all the Titanic haters. splain yourself mr wow!

By ChromeToe on 11/09/2009 9:57 am
Mr. Wow

Dear Chrome…honestly, it’s simply a matter of opinion.  In my opinion, Cameron’s "Titantic" while chock full of splendid special effects, was barren of a decent script.  I was embarassed that Leo and Kate were obliged to utter that dialogue.  Even their talents could not bring life the onscreen love story. 

 Mr. Wow much prefers the 1953 version of "Titantic" starring Clifton Webb and Barbara Stanwyck.  Mr. W’s eyes were bone dry as Leo and Kate said their unending goodbye—I must admit I screamed "drown already" as DiCaprio’s teeth chattered for what seemed like 20 minutes. (Mr Wow was called an unfeeling monster as he left that advance screening back in 1997.) But he still gets all misty as Mr. Webb goes down with the ship, accompanied by his young son.  And the final scene between Stanwyck and Webb, regretting all their wasted years of marital misery, is another one for the hankies. 

I won’t deny the popularity of the Cameron version. Or question your right to like it. To each his own icy dunking.

By Mr. Wow on 11/09/2009 10:44 am
ChromeToe

subjectivity is a funny thing isn’t it? some of the movies others raved about that i hated: legends of the fall, silence of the lambs (when she’s going into the home of the guy with the chick in the hole i’m thinking "die already"), napolean dynamite (OMG), Million Dollar Baby (cheese cheese cheese please)… and on and on!

I’ll agree that by the time Leo was chattering his teeth I was getting dry eyed from the sheer lenght of it all…

By ChromeToe on 11/09/2009 11:02 am
phyllisDoylePepe
Today Mr. Wow and I agree and that’s always fun, especially since it’s a Monday. The old black and white Titanic had grit and soul, and the Stanwyck (way up in the ranks, in my book) and Webb scene at the end lingers for days after. James Cameron is a big man with a big appetite for big pictures and lots of women. He was featured in the New Yorker a few weeks ago. I was almost going to skip the piece since the man doesn’t interest me in the least, but Dana Goodyear did an excellent job and I found the article interesting. Found out that he is married to Suzy Amis––fifth wife––first discovered by me in the wonderful little film  Fandango with Kevin Costner and Metheny’s music playing throughout. Cameron’s mouth is what would call "potty" and yet that somehow doesn’t describe the colorful language this man spews forth. He’s a tough task master and he directs, indeed, like the King he thinks he is. And maybe on the set he is or has to be.
By phyllisDoylePepe on 11/09/2009 11:25 am
Mr. Wow

Dear Phyllis…so grateful that somebody remembers the old "Titanic."  I saw this movie as a child and it had a great effect on me.  I have found as years go by, I am no less effected.  Aside from the genuine emotion, there’s the glamour.  When Miss Stanwyck reveals her devastating secret to Mr. Webb, she is swathed in pristine white fur.  And her lips are glistening. 

In Cameron’s version I was hoping Leo would allow Miss Winslet to jump overboard.  She was so badly dressed.

By Mr. Wow on 11/09/2009 1:31 pm
phyllisDoylePepe
You, Mr, Wow, are one funny man––––––––––She was so badly dressed–––love it!
By phyllisDoylePepe on 11/09/2009 1:35 pm
BabySnooks
Mr. Blackwell strikes again…
By BabySnooks on 11/09/2009 2:37 pm
Mr. Wow

Ahhhh….I hope not.  RIP MR. B, but that’s not the way I’d ever go—-an entire career based  on criticizing how women dress. 

Apparently Mr B. never looked in a mirror.

By Mr. Wow on 11/09/2009 3:08 pm
BabySnooks
Just teasing of course and I do agree about Barbara Stanwyck - although she was always elegant even when the part didn’t call for it.
By BabySnooks on 11/10/2009 5:05 am
SandyB2

I don’t remember anything Miss Winslet wore EXCEPT the wrong shade of lipstick.  It was very unflattering.  I can’t even believe I remember, but it made THAT big an impression on me.

By SandyB2 on 11/09/2009 4:05 pm
LindaMyers
I thought for awhile Mr. Wow you could be a brit from the way you speak, but you are not a brit. Possibly very well trained and could recite Shakespere and keep people interested. Very distinctive, yet maybe familiar. Without revealing yourself have you done stage or performing arts yourself? And not near as old as thought before.
By LindaMyers on 11/10/2009 2:04 am
Mr. Wow
Dear Linda…Mr. Wow is SO NOT a Brit.  Nor well-trained in Shakespeare, though I love The Bard.  Have never acted.  On the stage. (Life itself is a series of performamnces, yes?)  Mr. W. is well into his 50’s, but always an old soul, so he is probably about 100.
By Mr. Wow on 11/12/2009 2:16 pm
LindaMyers

Stage or not, you have an amazing way of speaking. And being in the 50’s and feeling older than dirt, I can relate! Life is a series of performances, from our inner Broadway to blunders! Whoever you are, never change.

 Have a great day!

By LindaMyers on 11/12/2009 3:18 pm