What a truly terrific interview, Joni and Dr. Hirmand! This is one of the first interviews where the doctor is open and honest enough to recognize and honor a woman’s decision to allow the aging process to take place naturally is such is her choice. So many interviews I have read and heard seem to push the idea of fighting aging all the way, and this was very encouraging to me.

Thus far, I have not had any work done, but I do think of it. I have been blessed through genetics with good skin and a clear complexion. I have some forehead wrinkles that I manage to hide behind bangs, but I have been thinking about perhaps having fome Restylane or Juvederm in the nasolabial folds, and maybe something to refresh my eyes, which often look tired. But I feel no special urgency to do these things, and having read this interview, I am still not about to rush into anything. But should I make the decision a bit further down the line, I would certainly seek out Dr. Hirmand or someone who follows her eminently sensible approach. For now, I will continue to care for my skin, and apply make-up that brightens my face when I am preparing to meet the world.

And on days when I look in the mirror and feel a little, well, shall we say "crinkly", I smile more broadly and tell myself that the process of earning my wrinkles has been a fascinating ride through a life of challenge and opportunity. I’ve earned those laugh lines and those creases formed by deep thought and, yes, even sorrow. Someday I may bid them adieu, but for now, I will keep them.

Again, thanks for a most sensible, thoughtful interview aimed at the real lives of real women. This is what makes wOw so special!

How do you know for sure if someone has all those board certifications and is ACTUALLY a member of those associations? It appears to me that they all say they are in their advertising. Will the boards and associations just tell you? or is there a website? I had to have a hysterectomy this year and wanted my doc to be board certified in her speciality and couldn’t find her listed but was told that she was by the clinic she worked in?

Plastic surgery can be a huge boost for battered women giving them the chance to look and feel pretty again. It can be a boon for women competing in the workplace with younger colleagues.

I agree with Dr. Hirmand that it is important to talk with the patient to determine what her motivation for the surgery is. If a woman is getting reshaped for a man rather than herself she may feel as though she is losing her identity. It is my thought that many middle aged women would love to look fresher and less tired. There is nothing wrong with surgery to do just that.

While I thought this was a good and honest interview (the first one I’ve ever read on the subject), and I understand that Dr. Hirmand is a dedicated, caring and unusually attentive and discerning cosmetic surgeon, I do see a certain slant to the interview that I find somewhat disturbing.

The question was invariably asked about women who choose to nothing about the effects of the aging process. The answer was slightly vague, but gave the impression that rejecting cosmetic procedures was fine for those who were "genetically blessed", but that not everyone aged in the same way. The lightly veiled implication seems to be that one really ought to consider lifting those little sags, tweaking those tiny droops, filling and plumping and firming that which has gone a bit soft or hollow, lest one admit to hints of decrepitude. Really. There seems to be an ever so slightly condescending attitude toward those who do not wish to alter what naturally comes to them. I find myself feeling a wee bit of resentment towards this attitude, and I am reasonably sure that others feel likewise. I do have "good genetics". I have oily skin, Mediterranean type…I still get pimples at the age of fifty. I have a fairly tight neck, no jowls, hints of crow’s feet, and a single, vertical line between my brows. I wash with high quality oatmeal soap. I do not use any anti-aging potions of any kind on my skin, nor moisturizers, as I have found absolutely none that do not cause some kind of eruption, rash, pimples or hideous, eczema like crust. I do use a mild, oil-free multi-spf sunscreen. I don’t clog my pores with primer, foundation, setting stuff, blush, then powder. Disgusting. And, no, I am not some sloppy, slouchy, sweatpants all day, dirty feet slob au naturale blob. I don’t even wear flip-flops. I freely admit my age. My biggest issue is my ever thinning hair, which I wear in a virtual buzz-cut. 

Why should I perceive this constant, insidious pressure to fix the little changes gradually brought on by aging? One of my doctors gently suggested that my "worry line" could be smoothed out. Why?  I go to the same hair stylist that I’ve been using for 15 years…because she never suggests messing with my all-too-delicate scalp, or covering my grey. Why would I want to inject potentially deadly poison into my face to make things "perfect" (perfectly waxen)? Why put a bizarre, hooked, snake-like appliance in my throat to make it tight again? I’m delighted that I made it to fifty, and if I keep on traveling, it will be better still.

I do not in any way despise, or hold in contempt, those who choose to have cosmetic surgery to alter the effects of aging…but I certainly do wish that they would offer me the same courtesy. I am not old and ugly. I take a water aerobics class with many women who are 20-30 years my seniors. They are so beautiful, like graceful mermaids in the water, with lovely smiles and shining eyes. They are not old and ugly either. Youth is not necessarily beauty. 

And I do have a question for Joni. Why would you want to hide your cosmetic procedure, surgical or otherwise, from your partner? I would think that this is something you would want to discuss, not obscure. Especially when there is even the slightest chance of a negative physical reaction, or even disfiguremnt. Surely a woman would want her partner’s support in this procedure (I am not saying approval, by "support" I mean emotional, as in "being there". I detest hospital and in-patient procedures, and my husband is a rock).

Finally, I will say this: of late I have noticed a disturbing trend. Women are not only being very actively encouraged to embrace the "cult of youth" by purchasing thousands of dollars worth of cosmetic procedures, and anti-aging products, but also by donning "shape-wear" (a girdle is a girdle, m’dears, I remember my mother struggling with hers and my vow of "Never!"…which I’ve kept), push-up bras, (which flatter hardly anyone), more restrictive clothing styles, and just gobs of make-up. Kabuki, anyone? Everywhere I look, the "fashion mavens" seem to be spouting insane babble on how to "look younger". It’s so bad that I’ve come to find most "women’s magazines" to be extremely insulting to the very demographic they’re purportedly selling to. Well, here’s a thought: I’m no Pollyanna. I’ve been a single mom, worked full-time, have a special-needs son and blah, blah, blah. I don’t think I’ve ever used the phrases "me time" or "mommy time". I’m a reasonably happy person, and I’m also self-guided. The fashionistas can kiss my protuberant behind. I am steadily mistaken for ten years younger than my actual age. I smile a lot, even when I’m irritated and moving in for the kill. I hang out with my kid at the pool. I wear exactly what I want (including a bra, the unlined, natural type is getting soooo hard to find), and I have fun with it. I hope, some day, to grow old gracefully, and to be able to keep learning, and keep being, until the day that I die. If "middle-aged" women are feeling tired, and worn, and grey, instead of surgery or Botox, maybe an assessment of their lives might help. Maybe they are lacking joy, and a reason to feel it. It can work (no, I’m not a religious nutter, but if a bi-polar, schizoid, clinically depressed, OCD mental case can find joy in life, then surely many others can too).

peace

bb