Margo Howard | 10/06/2009 10:45 am

A Stupid Human Trick, by Margo Howard

Editor’s Note: A longtime journalist, Margo Howard went into the family business (her mother was the fabled Ann Landers) in the 1990s as Dear Prudence. Her broad experience and understanding of human nature provide answers for the troubled — and entertainment for everyone else. Margo’s advice column, Dear Margo, appears twice a week — on Thursdays and Fridays — on wowOwow.com.

I know, as I write this, it ain’t gonna win me any friends with some women (OK, feminists) but I honestly feel sorry for David Letterman. I am sympathetic to his situation, which is not to say that I don’t ache for his wife, as well. Can any of us really imagine what it’s like to be such a public person, and on television, at that, having to deal with this stuff so publicly? He did what many married men do: dallied with women from work. I mean, think about it: where would a guy who is locked up with writers all day and taping a show at night meet any women who were not in his workplace? At that deli down the street?

I do not know why people are in such a lather about this. Apparently when Ms. Burkitt was involved with the boss he was unmarried. Although certainly committed to Regina (recently Mrs. Letterman – after God knows how many years together) and overjoyed when they had a child – looking at his history makes this less than a big surprise. Rumor has it that the man had such an unpleasant first marriage and divorce that he decided one was enough. He was in his late 50s when he remarried. In his head I’m guessing he thought single, even when he did marry … which I suspect finally happened so the little boy would have married parents. Fooling around would not be unheard of in show business. Hell, in any business.

Many men are caught out in extramarital and workplace affairs, but their lives aren’t such that they have to inform to millions of people. And apparently keeping the secret wasn’t worth two million bucks to him. There’s a lot of talk in the public prints and of course the blogosphere about workplace harassment, in all its iterations. This is just me guessing, but my hunch is that not one woman he’s done the horizontal mambo with ever felt pressured. (Just as an aside, both I and my daughter would have volunteered. She happens to be 27 years younger than I am, and yet we both find him appealing and smart. Dark in nature, perhaps, but appealing.)

The workplace/HR issues seem to me a red herring. How far could someone rise in that organization from personal affection anyway? He doesn’t have a co-host, and Paul Shaffer seems pretty well-entrenched. Do please note: He never fired anyone when it was over. I also give him props that Ms. Burkitt was an average-looking young woman. He did not go on the hunt (or a hiring spree) with starlet types in mind. I am aware that my stance might seem odd coming from someone whose day job is being an advice columnist, but I am pragmatic and realistic. I think all the hoopla is so much noise, given what we know of Letterman and the way his office is run. Not that he asked, but when he’s through doing penance at home I think a trip to the jewelry store would be in order. So for what it’s worth, Dave, all the dames out there are not steamed at you. While Betty Friedan may be rolling over in her grave, some of us here like you just as much as we did before Assistant Gate.

Read more about: David Letterman, Love, Margo Howard, Marriage, Relationships

421 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

MQC, I am shaking my head in disbelief. Our columnist writes an etire article defending him, all due to the fact she has a soft spot for him. But then you have all the other women passively saying what’s the big deal? And we hope to one day see equal rights….I think NOT, as long as we have these attitudes. Women will be the first to attack another woman, but come to the defense of a cheating man. I think they defend this behavior because they have engaged in it themselves, and so to see wrong in what he does would be looking into a mirror. Shucks why are we fighting for equal rights and better treatment in the workplace when it seems women are willing to accept and engage in what we are fighting against. If they have a soft spot for a guy then he gets a pass. Cheating and sexual harrassment become, "dalliances" and office romances. Make it sound nice and tidy, and a bit like a romance novel and it goes down a little easier.

By Marie Reinhart on 10/06/2009 7:19 pm

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If I felt that such a thing happened, I would go to HR. If HR did not take care of it, I would look for another job. Women are not weak. But, there is no indication that such a thing occurred here. And often many factors play into promotions. For instance, should a woman be upset if another woman is promoted because she is much more attractive? There are plenty of studies that show good looks help both men and women out in this respect.

Don’t look for a reason why you failed, or try to turn yourself into a victim. It’s unproductive.

By R.J.B. Reed on 10/06/2009 7:31 pm

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Comedians make fun of men all the time as well. Is this wrong? If we can’t make fun of men and women, where else can we go for humor? At some point, people need to get over themselves.

By R.J.B. Reed on 10/06/2009 7:26 pm

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Anytime a supervisor/manager/boss (or in this case, the name on the theatre marque) engages (or attempts too) a younger, subordinate employee, sexual harassment has occurred.

No! I disagree strongly! You make it out as though women are the poor, put upon, hapless creatures of the turn of the century. My goodness! I’ve had relationships with those higher than me on the rung (as have many friends of mine) and never once felt that I was in danger of job loss, favoritism, or any such negative action.

I and others like me are quite comfortable with our real-world relationships. We are strong individuals who know what we want, know how to do our jobs, have our own reputation to uphold, and who we are dating is no one’s business or concern.

For shame! Making it sound as though women are automatically being used and are victims!? I don’t think so.

By A R on 10/07/2009 10:58 am

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The thing that bothers me about the whole situation is if he had affairs with subordinates who then profited from said affair in some way. As in a job promotion and so on regardless if their jobs were on the line which it doesn’t sound like it still becomes an issue of sexual harrassment. Hey the men in his employee sure couldn’t sleep with the boss to gain a promotion. We’re dealing with "women" not "woman" which means this puts his integrity on the line. It wasn’t just a one time thing this is something that has happened over and over again. It’s good he fessed up and came clean about it, yes he’s had to infront of millions of people. The reality is if he had kept it in his pants none of this would be happening now. He still cheated on a woman who he’s been in a serious relationship with even though at the time they weren’t married. I really feel badly for his wife in this situation because she does well to stay behind the scenes and she shouldn’t have to endure the public humiliation of a woman cheated upon let alone the little boy who is now going to have this story as part of his father’s legacy. He’s really made a mess for himself at the moment with bad behavior.

By Kim Horton on 10/06/2009 1:13 pm

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Men in any powerful position - including TV host - may find the "pickin’s" pretty easy around the office. You yourself would give him a tumble. Would he be as appealing if he were the local gas station attendant or grocery bag boy? No, his power and the way that power makes him feel is often what we find sexy.

Does it not matter to women if a man is married? Would we want another woman to do this with our husband because he was stressed, bored, working late?

There will always be women who make themselves available to powerful men but if women stopped being open to being used these men would not have so many to choose from and maybe would put that energy into their marriage instead.

I like Dave but that doesn’t mean I would have sex with him if given the chance. I am not married but he is (or was in a long, committed relationship at the time). Come on ladies were is your dignity and self-worth?

By Judi Armstrong on 10/06/2009 1:21 pm

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Y’know, WHO CARES? The issue is between Letterman and his wife and/or Letterman and his HR Department. I don’t see any reason for the man to be forced into continual public confession of his sins. Let’s get over it and let him get on with his life.

By Elisabeth McKechnie on 10/06/2009 2:20 pm

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Right. Who does care? This was exactly heavy fodder for discussion, was it?

By Xiulan Li on 10/08/2009 1:08 pm

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You know, again and again over the years, I’ve heard the same comment hundreds of times: "If only he had told the truth. If only he hadn’t tried to cover it up. The cover up never works, it always comes out, etc."

Now a guy mans up, takes responsibility, stands up and tells the truth, before the media can put some their spin on it - and he’s a villian. WHY?

What do you people want?

By Lin Cercone on 10/06/2009 2:23 pm

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No kidding. He has my complete respect in this regard.

By David Fleetwood on 10/06/2009 2:42 pm

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If I have any respect left for him, it will be because he refused to let a blackmailer run his life. In fact, I do respect him for that aspect.

By Eliese H on 10/06/2009 2:27 pm

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Blackmail is against the law. Didn’t David Letterman state that the affairs were over when he married? I believe he did. What happens inside his marriage is not anyone’s business.

That he was have affairs with women in the workplace, well that would only be disconcerting if any of them had ever uttered a hint about sexual harrassment, but that didn’t happen either.

What has happened is there has been an attempt to blackmail David Letterman and he stood his ground. The blackmailer should be dealt with by the justice system. Whatever Mr and Mrs Letterman decide to do about his disclosure is entirely up to them.

By S A on 10/06/2009 2:53 pm

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If Regina Lasko became his girlfried as the result of him cheating on someone else, and she has known of his dalliances over the many years since, he must have had some kind of epiphany to marry her with the intention of being faithful. She certainly took a leap of faith to believe it. It would be great to give that little boy a strong and happy nuclear family in which to grow up. It remains to be seen if Dave is really up to it.

By elaine s on 10/06/2009 3:37 pm

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The thought of making love to Letterman is beyond my imaginative capabilities but hey…….whatever trips your trigger !! I give him kudos for coming clean to his wife and his public. Blackmailing should never be tolerated because if you pay once they figure you’ll pay twice and the money-train rolls on and on…… It is now between his wife and himself and is none of anybody’s business.

By Dawn Smith on 10/06/2009 3:58 pm

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First, to all the people who say that this happened before he married, therefore it makes it ok, are crazy. Just because he had yet to say vows does not make it ok. If my boyfriend cheated on me with several different women, I would be furious. It is betrayal no matter how you paint it.

That being said, DL did what he had to do. You all are forgetting that he’s trying to do damage control on two different fronts, family and job. The average cheater does not have to deal with that. So he did a public announcement. Was it strategic? Yes and it was necessary. If he alienates his viewers, then no more job. But was it unbelievably difficult? Absolutely! I have trouble admitting fault to my boyfriend. I can’t even imagine doing it on national tv!! You know what else he did? He let America know that there are more important things than trying to save face. Like fessing up to your crimes and not letting people take advantage of you.

So do I think him cheating is wrong? Yes. But I also think we should all just leave him alone and let him deal with this in the best way he can.

By Carmen McNeil on 10/06/2009 4:10 pm