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Margo Howard | 10/06/2009 10:45 am

A Stupid Human Trick, by Margo Howard

Margo Howard
Editor’s Note: A longtime journalist, Margo Howard went into the family business (her mother was the fabled Ann Landers) in the 1990s as Dear Prudence. Her broad experience and understanding of human nature provide answers for the troubled — and entertainment for everyone else. Margo’s advice column, Dear Margo, appears twice a week — on Thursdays and Fridays — on wowOwow.com.

I know, as I write this, it ain’t gonna win me any friends with some women (OK, feminists) but I honestly feel sorry for David Letterman. I am sympathetic to his situation, which is not to say that I don’t ache for his wife, as well. Can any of us really imagine what it’s like to be such a public person, and on television, at that, having to deal with this stuff so publicly? He did what many married men do: dallied with women from work. I mean, think about it: where would a guy who is locked up with writers all day and taping a show at night meet any women who were not in his workplace? At that deli down the street?

I do not know why people are in such a lather about this. Apparently when Ms. Burkitt was involved with the boss he was unmarried. Although certainly committed to Regina (recently Mrs. Letterman – after God knows how many years together) and overjoyed when they had a child – looking at his history makes this less than a big surprise. Rumor has it that the man had such an unpleasant first marriage and divorce that he decided one was enough. He was in his late 50s when he remarried. In his head I’m guessing he thought single, even when he did marry … which I suspect finally happened so the little boy would have married parents. Fooling around would not be unheard of in show business. Hell, in any business.

Many men are caught out in extramarital and workplace affairs, but their lives aren’t such that they have to inform to millions of people. And apparently keeping the secret wasn’t worth two million bucks to him. There’s a lot of talk in the public prints and of course the blogosphere about workplace harassment, in all its iterations. This is just me guessing, but my hunch is that not one woman he’s done the horizontal mambo with ever felt pressured. (Just as an aside, both I and my daughter would have volunteered. She happens to be 27 years younger than I am, and yet we both find him appealing and smart. Dark in nature, perhaps, but appealing.)

The workplace/HR issues seem to me a red herring. How far could someone rise in that organization from personal affection anyway? He doesn’t have a co-host, and Paul Shaffer seems pretty well-entrenched. Do please note: He never fired anyone when it was over. I also give him props that Ms. Burkitt was an average-looking young woman. He did not go on the hunt (or a hiring spree) with starlet types in mind. I am aware that my stance might seem odd coming from someone whose day job is being an advice columnist, but I am pragmatic and realistic. I think all the hoopla is so much noise, given what we know of Letterman and the way his office is run. Not that he asked, but when he’s through doing penance at home I think a trip to the jewelry store would be in order. So for what it’s worth, Dave, all the dames out there are not steamed at you. While Betty Friedan may be rolling over in her grave, some of us here like you just as much as we did before Assistant Gate.

421 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Marie Reinhart

Oh Margo, I truly believe you knew you would be lighting a firecracker with this article.  First off, feel sorry for someone who just months ago had NO problem publicly humiliating a decent family with inappropriate sex jokes about the teenage daughter leaves me spent for any sympathy toward David Letterman.  The Palin family did not deserve to be the butt of his SICK sexual humor regardless if the writers got the daughters mixed up or not.  David was long in offering up an apology to the Palin family, and it only came at the heels of demonstrators outside his studio.  I could care less what he thinks politically, but I as a woman with a daughter and a teen grand daughter found NO humor is his and his writers poor judgement in attacking a young girl and a very decent family at the expense of ratings and laughter.

 Now as far as I am concerned I do NOT beleive for one second we have all the facts yet.  David comes on air and poors out his story to his audience and the PUBLIC and wants our support and sympathy for yet more BAD behavior and poor judgement.  His apology once again was delayed until he saw the overall reaction of the public.  He stated he found a package with photos and emails that would be terrible, terrible and bad for him and his reputation.  He admits to having sex with his staff and we are suppose to take that as the gospel truth.  So what are the photos and emails?  David Letterman has been showing poor judgement in his life choices and his career and I for one have NO sympathy for him.  You want to use the old addage, many men cheat so what is the big deal?  I wish I had a dime for every time someone uses that excuse to excuse bad behavior.  I live by morals and values and in this day and age it seems a life style that gets mocked.  I am not perfect and do not expect anyone else to be, but when an individual shows me a pattern of their bad behavior I have a sense of wondering if they are trustworthy and believeable.  David is looking out for his own A$$.  How dare him make a public apology to his wife on his show.  That is as disgusting as apologizing to the Palin family after his intro of jokes and followed by work as usual.  The show must go on.

 Celebrities have brought this country down to a level of behavior that gets a high five and a pass in the past years that make me want to throw up.  They defend each other because they have the same lack of values and morals.  How can we expect celebrities to speak out for justice and values when they don’t live by it themselves.  All is fun and fair in Hollywood.  Throw the politicians in the mix and wow, it appears there are only certain classes of people who are held to abide by the law.

David Letterman deserves to lose his job.  I don’t care who he had sex with, if it was consenual or not and how many public apologies he gives.  He signed a contract to NOT have sexual relationships with staff.  He broke the contract.  I am sorry someone alledgedly has used his bad behavior to extort money from him, but the botton line is this…..as one very wise Dr. Phil always says…."Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing." 

I for one would not want to breathe the same air as this creep.  He has the tenacity to judge and poke fun at a decent family all the while he is living a life filled with lies and infidelity.  We have only heard about one woman.  I have my suspicions there is a whole LOT more to follow.  So before you get all sympathetic to him, you might want to wait for everything to come out.  David Letterman made it public, he wanted our sympathy to soften what he knew was coming.  If CBS had any morals they would not have allowed him to announce this on his show.  He assumed we would all look at the extortionist and not look at his bad behavior and he threw us a bone, admitting to having sex with staffers to deflect from I am certain other things.  Photos and emails…I’ll wait til I have all the facts thank you.  I do know his past behavior has been enough to make me turn the channel at night and make sure he never gets another rating from my home.

By Marie Reinhart on 10/06/2009 12:24 pm
R.J.B. Reed

You seem awfully interested in looking at these photos.  Personally, porn doesn’t do much for me but apparently it floats your boat.  Nor do I care how many people he has slept with, as long as the incidents were consentual and were with people over the age of consent.

Secondly, once Sarah Palin decided to run for office, she put her and her family in the limelight.  The fact that she hypocritically pushes for abstinence only education when it has failed her family so greatly is something mock worthy.

By R.J.B. Reed on 10/06/2009 6:56 pm
devon mclaughlin
"decent family"…cough, cough.  Sigh.
By devon mclaughlin on 10/09/2009 10:29 pm
Carol Palinkas

I do want to address the "hypocrisy" label that has been thrown around so much over this issue. Letterman did go after people on many occasions, and yes, he could be scathing. But in almost every case he was more gleeful over the hypocricy itself than the actual affairs. Let’s not forget — it was "Mr. Family Values" Sanford who got caught with his pants in Argentina. It was John "Clinton should resign" Ensign who got embroiled in an extramarital affair and then succumbed to blackmail. Now we have John "I just love my hookers" Vitter, preaching about how even prostitution is. Even John Edwards, who surrounded himself with his family for photo ops and then got involved with his "videographer." Sad, human, and hypocritical. These guys are and were absolutely fair game. And even Letterman pointed out how embarrassing it was - for the women involved - to be involved in him.

 No where do I see any coercion toward subordinates. If that turns out to be the case, it will be a different matter entirely. But so far no one has come forward to accuse Letterman of inappropriate behavior.

 And, as disappointed as I am that he’s not the domestic Baby Daddy I envisioned him as, I’m certainly not going to stop watching him because of it.

 

By Carol Palinkas on 10/06/2009 12:40 pm
Lepidopter Phoenyx

If one sex partner is the employer of the other, then it’s not ethical, regardless of their respective marital statuses.

 

If a person is in a committed relationship, they need to keep their knickers up with everyone except the person to whom they have promised monogamy, whether or not said promise was on a signed marriage license. What’s really so difficult about that concept?

By Lepidopter Phoenyx on 10/06/2009 12:42 pm
C jay

Frankly, I don’t know enough about this gossip to comment other than to say that in our nation, from the top down, now - with "abstinence only" being the qualifier for government funding when those same legislators do not follow their own morality code on others, it’s no wonder idiots continue to run around half cocked! (at least he wasn’t branded ‘tapping’ his foot - heaven forbid that come back into scrutiny).

Women are still being confined to the "kitchen" - they believe, promote, accept, and suffer continuously under males, that is what has to stop! Abuse is rampant in our American society, and it’s running amok now - again from the top down, the Halls of Congress and the Networks (ala Letterman). I do not feel sorry for him or any of them but do believe that the PRnewswire will fix i t all depending on much they are paid to position whomever as Americans fall for the "news" once again.

By C jay on 10/06/2009 12:46 pm
Baby  Snooks

Actually they’ve moved out of the kitchen and into the secretarial pool which quite often turns into a cesspool of office romances and lies and the nasty videotapes.   And, of course, diaries.  

Sometimes it really does take two to tango and that is no more true than in an office and I learned early on that office romance is often a tempting street but usually a dead-end street. 

By Baby Snooks on 10/07/2009 6:47 am
C jay
Stress Kills!
By C jay on 10/07/2009 10:37 am
phyllis Doyle Pepe
It’s a damn shame that Letterman had to expose this black mail to the public. All this is another much ado about nothing that had blown up to be another delicious meat for the media. To take Rocky’s reverse gender situation: It’s Donna Letterman who has had a dalliance with a Mr. B. and how would that be different? Wouldn’t be any different for me. How about you? and in the big scheme of things, why is this important except to those involved? 
By phyllis Doyle Pepe on 10/06/2009 12:46 pm
C jay

Phyllis, don’t think for a minute (if you did) that Letterman did not obtain the best PR advice in the world before he went "public." It was staged, and planned out, strategically. I’m not inferring that the blackmailer is benign, not at all; however, agreeing with you, I must preferred the daze when we wanted TV and went to the movies critiquing our choice of entertainment for content, and acting ability, not for their personal lives because we were not privy to such. How about you? ;-))

Is ignorance bliss? What contitutes ignorance?
By C jay on 10/06/2009 12:52 pm
phyllis Doyle Pepe
Of course he obtained the best legal advice knowing that he HAD to go public because if he didn’t the worm would turn. Better to bring it out yourself cuz it’s gonna come out anyway. Our culture is inundated with sexual lures of all kinds–-the media feeds it to us constantly. Look at a site like the Huffington Post with its crap on the right hand side and notice the hits they get from things like, Sos and so’s see through dress, who’s humping whom in the back of the alley, vote on the best breasts, etc. such junk, but the public seems to lap it up. Yes, the old days, when what was going on was kept quiet, personal, and we, the public were none the wiser. But we still have choices: we can go the right hand side, or we can ignore it and concentrate on what we think is worthwhile. Ignorance is bliss only to squirrels, who I sometimes envy for it. Your second question would be, I suppose, a reluctance to learn the truth or having the mind of that squirrel.
By phyllis Doyle Pepe on 10/06/2009 5:25 pm
elaine s

I have been a fan for 30 years.  Dave’s brand of humor and even his appearance are an adult version of my childhoood hero, Alfred E. Newman of "Mad" magazine fame.

I am disappointed in him. I think what is unfolding will indicate he is nothing but a serial cheater.  Did he cheat on his first wife with Merrill Markoe?  Did he cheat on her with Regina Lesko?  Did he cheat on her with Stephanie Burkitt and others?  I certainly don’t know the answer to these questions, but my instincts tell me Dave is just a player, and not a partner.  He may be trying to now have a real marriage, based on fidelity, for his son’s sake, but it is built on a very poor foundation.

By elaine s on 10/06/2009 12:50 pm
C jay
Again, elaine, had we not been exposed to the man’s personal life by himself and his self-aggrandizing parenting, we wouldn’t know about the child … it build empathic fans, doesn’t it.  Frankly, nothing appeared positive for the relationship with his present wife when that infant was en route.
By C jay on 10/06/2009 12:55 pm
Patricia Partin

I agree that using the gender switch puts a different light on it and I also agree that men will be men, (little boys). We have never seemed to really care enough to change that so it is what it is.

For the last poster concerned about the "decent" Palin family, I have to know if she gets out much or just lifts her material from one of the conservative "Heres what to think and say" sites. 

By Patricia Partin on 10/06/2009 12:53 pm
Patricia Partin

I think you are missing or ignoring the biggest point, by going public as he has he sends a message to anyone thinking of blackmail further down the road. Also this is not the first time he has come forward publicly about something.

For everyone crying foul about his having these affairs and moaning about moral societal decay; where were you when women and men tried to change things? Were you hiding behind those conservatives like Phyllis Shaffly and out buying books on how to elevate & sooth your man? Or were you wringing your hands about equal rights destroying this country? Having made your bed now you’re crying about it?

By Patricia Partin on 10/06/2009 1:05 pm