Entertainment | 10/27/2009 2:00 am

Stupidly Standing By Your Man? (Photos)

Despite the public scandals of their husbands — including extramarital affairs with other women (or men) and illegal business doings — these brilliant, beautiful wives are standing by their men. One woman is breaking the trend: Marni Phillips, the wife of ex-ESPN analyst Steve Phillips, filed for divorce last month.

Photo Essay

We’ve lately been in the midst of some naughty high-profile gents … And instead of their bright, beautiful wives walking away from them, many respected ladies from politics, business and entertainment have remained faithfully wedded to their misbehaving beaus – even standing beside them at press conferences as they confess to extramarital relations and other outrageous acts. The enigma recently sparked a wOw conversation with Judith Martin, Julia Reed and Sheila Nevins as they sought to explain the motives of these women. While we may never understand the mind of a woman who stays committed to her less-than-angelic husband, here’s a look at Silda Spitzer, Elizabeth Edwards, Vanessa Bryant, Gayle Haggard and eight other women who have become the poster wives of “The Good Wife.”

51 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

And not only is he Gay but he is that insulting type of Gay. The type that looks at who he is and his desires as being a sin, something that is A-moral and should be casts out of his body.

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Women always know. Even when they deny it and act shocked. The Haggards of course took the "excuse" to a new low.

I’ve known two couples where it was no secret. Even the children knew as they reached an age where they could understand it. They loved each other. He just enjoyed the company of other men at times. She accepted it. Some would have a problem with that. Not our place as they say.

I’ve known a couple of "Haggards" as well. Not pretty pictures. And the children of course end up all the worse for it. As does anyone who has to deal with the children. Particularly when they become adults.

By Baby Snooks on 10/27/2009 9:22 am

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I don’t suppose there is a clear path when making a decision to stay or go when a relationship has been damaged by an affair. On the one hand you have someone (male or female) who has destroyed your trust. On the other hand you have created a life with that person and there may be children involved. In the event that there are, I think it’s important to be as honest with them as their age allows you to be. If you decide to stay you have to tell them there’s been a terrible mistake made and daddy and mommy are trying to make it better. When you seperate you also cause the children involved to lose some of the trust and security they are entitled to. On the other hand, if someone has truly ruined your own sense of security and trust you have to figure out what will make it better for you. Men, supposedly "in power", make this kind of mistake all too easily. It does all of us well to remember the truth of the adage: "What you do in the dark, comes up in the light." We certainly have had our share of dark to light transformations lately. My heart goes out to anyone caught in this hurtful, scary situation.

By Mary Utrup on 10/27/2009 9:23 am

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Follow the money. These women stupid? I don’t think so—

By F P on 10/27/2009 9:33 am

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One thing is certain. There are many experts on the Clintons who seem to know exactly how they feel about each other and what keeps them together after all these years.

I don’t know the back story on any of these couples. At some point, there was something very powerful that brought them together. That same strong emotion brought them to marriage and shared goals. Then came the family unit and more plans/ goals involving children.

When pain and embarrassment occurs, it surely cannot be possible to turn off your story so quickly and tell him/her to take a hike and never look back. No matter how deep the cut, letting go of a life line cannot be easy or, when the dust has settled, even desirable.

By Maggie W on 10/27/2009 9:40 am

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I think we need to take a deep breath. And then another. One more. Before we should presume to tell people when to leave their spouses. These women have their reasons for staying. It might not look pretty from the outside, but until we are in such a situation, until we have to make a do I go or do I stay decision, I say leave off judging. More power to the women who have the emotional and financial means to toss the bum out. But I bet those who do toss are not acting on impluse—they were just waiting for the guy to screw up bigtime. And guys always will. Mr. Wow has. And he has also been on the other side, and has had to ponder—should I go or should I stay? I stayed. And I don’t regret it.

By Mr. Wow on 10/27/2009 11:12 am

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I have always stayed. They, however, always went. To paraphrase Mae West, everyone deserves a second chance. With someone else. Translated in terms of fidelity that means that if you don’t like my bed then by all means find another one. And stay there. Someone else may decide it’s okay to cheat. Some may give someone the right to have someone else. That’s their choice. I have always chosen not to. I was on the "back street" once or twice. It’s a dead end street for everyone.

By Baby Snooks on 10/27/2009 12:16 pm

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I was with a chronic cheater for two years. I know it sound funny to those of you who know I was in adult films, but those didn’t count. (Yes, really.) Plus, as was said, sometimes you haven’t got the means to go.

Since my on-camera jobs were far between, I also worked for him as a producer, so leaving him would mean leaving my major source of income. The thing is, when you’re otherwise good together, you find reasons to stick with it. Everyone knew he cheated, but I just smiled. We were The John and Brandy Team. Every time I decided to allow something, he’d violate it. I started allowing for the trips. What he did on his trips away from us was okay. So he started doing it locally. Then I decided that as long as it wasn’t anyone we know. Guess what happened next? Men would KILL for the long leash I gave, but I think the attraction is all about getting away with something. I stopped with the leash business. If they aren’t happy with what I have to offer, it’s off the table. Period.

By Karleen S on 10/27/2009 3:39 pm

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Karleen, you and I must have used similar leashes. On one hand, I agree with you, I think "getting away with something" had a lot to do with it, but in my case at least, cowardice and manipulation was also at play. People thought my husband was being "ballsy" by being with women in our town, on my street, that I knew…, but really, it was the other way around. I’ve since deduced that he wanted out of the marriage, but he didn’t want to be the one (or didn’t have the kahunas) to take the first step so he kept betraying me, at closer and closer range, hoping I’d find out and leave him. All I know, is that my current husband laughs about it - he knows he’ll never have the freedom that my first husband had, but then again, he doesn’t want it or need it.

By KatyDid Wells on 10/29/2009 12:13 am

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So true, so true. we always think we know what is best, but unless we actually stand in these women’s shoes, who are we to say.
I have to admit, my first reaction is often, "leave the bum, what is that woman thinking?", but I’m just transferring. I too was on the other side once and I also stayed. I on the other hand, lived to regret it. My leopard didn’t change his spots and I paid quite a price for standing by his side for another couple of years. I do understand though that each individual is different as is each relationship. We may have our own opinions, but ultimately, these women must choose for themselves, just as we must, should we find ourselves walking down that same path (and heaven forbid anyone try to tell us what to do)! ;-)

By KatyDid Wells on 10/28/2009 11:14 pm

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Yeah, I guess no one knows what they would sincerely do until they’re standing in the middle of it. Just like when I mete out etiquette advice, when I find myself needing to use it, it’s not so easy going from theory to practice.

I had stayed relatively friendly with "John" and had to drop by his office one day and met the GF du jour. She took me aside and asked me if he cheated on me because she suspect he was cheating on her. I told her yes, and I also knew he cheated on the all the girls in between. I wasn’t going to lie to her. By this time he was super wealthy (thanks to me) so she had to decide what was more important. I guess she liked the lifestyle and, since she couldn’t convince him to marry so she could get a stake in it, she got pregnant instead. Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to work?

Telling tales out of school, they were both HIV+ by this point (different circumstances) and it just made me think how desperate, self-involved, and perfectly amoral both of them were. He for never having learned the lesson and putting others at risk, and she being so greedy (perhaps wanting the money for health reasons) that she would risk an HIV+ child and potentially create a future orphan just to stay in the game. They did eventually marry. Match made in heaven.

By Karleen S on 10/29/2009 12:30 pm

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There was a couple having dinner in a posh restaurant when a gorgeous woman came over and hugged and kissed the man passionately. His wife was aghast; "who was that?" she demanded to know. He replied: "that was my mistress." "Your mistress! I’m going to divorce you; I’m leaving you!" He calmly took a sip of his drink and said "look around, look at this lovely restaurant in which we’re dining. Think of your jewels and your trips, your homes and all that you have." With that, another gorgeous woman came over and kissed him on the cheek. "Who’s that?" his wife, incredulously demanded to know. "That’s Bob’s mistress" he replied. His wife said: "Ours is prettier."

By Andy C on 10/27/2009 11:06 am

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LOL! That’s great! I’ll have to remember that one.

By Karleen S on 10/27/2009 3:42 pm

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One of the few absolute no-second-chances deal-breakers for me is infidelity. If I can’t trust you to do something as simple as keep your johnson in your jockeys, what CAN I trust you with?

I know some people are naturally polyamorous. I am not one of those people, and if you are, then I cannot be married to you. I require monogamy in my marriage.

By Lepidopter Phoenyx on 10/27/2009 11:14 am

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Whether a spouse decides to stay or go I think they should be honest about it. No spouse should feel forced or obligated to "stand by their ____" while they confess their infraction to their constituents and/or the press for appearances sake. That hypocritical, but then I guess that’s par for the political course.

By Sherrie Crews on 10/27/2009 11:16 am

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Using the word, infidelity, is a bit misleading. Either you live by your wedding agreement or you don’t. What I cannot understand is why anyone makes the agreement if they will not live by it. Life’s to short to lie to yourself and/or your partner.

By John G on 10/27/2009 12:06 pm